Steadygain's Groove and Trip Pad

[Steadygain]

When my feet hit the floor I had 'the vision' - which was plain and simple. He would throw a punch and I woud respond by breaking his jaw on both sides - raking his face as I set him up for the kill (pushing him backwards and exposing his chest) and lastly caving in his chest - as that force knocked him down and threw him across the room.

With me - that was it - it was 'the vision' and nothing could possibly stop it. So I stood there 'karate stance' - and waited for the punch.

He just stood there - didn't move and didn't say a word. The onlookers had not made a peep and I didn't realize anyone was even looking in on us. All they saw was the guy laying on the bed somehow moved from the bed to where he is now in the blink of an eye - a split second. So they were kind of in awe - wondering how I did whatever just happened. And now I'm standing there waiting for this guy to respond.

All I saw was 'the vision' of my attack move - but did not have time to reflect on what that vision would encompass. Then during his hesitation I had time to carry it through and see this guy laying on my floor barely able to breath. The only thing he would have been able to move WITHOUT VERY SEVERE PAIN would have been his eyelids. Any other movement - including his lungs - would be almost impossible. I knew the only way he could possible leave my room by a stretcher.

That's when it hit me - that left to my own strength and power this guy would probably die and even if he survived he would be so severely damaged that 'My name - and my reputation would be ruined'. I did not want to be known in this light - did not want anyone to know what I was capable of doing and in desperation I turned to God and begged Him to take control of this situation - asked Him to PLEASE INTERVENE - DO NOT LET ME DESTROY THIS BOY.

AND GOD RESPONDED

First God had to show me - as great as my energy had become that He has the whole Universe as His Energy Source and so He had to humble me. I suspect my energy field surrounded me by about 6 feet - and that God FIRST HAD TO NEURTALIZE that energy first.

 

[Steadygain]

It was like nothing I had ever felt before - an Energy so powerful and so wonderful that it caused me to pause. It started from the ceiling and came down slowly - filling me and surrounding me - until it was all I could feel from head to toe.

If I had the power and energy of 500 men - first 'this energy' neutralized that power alone - and only then did this 'energy' make me realize how totally insignificant that energy was. How in comparison it was absolutely nothing - compared to God. For after neurtralizing all of my energy - the whole feild I had surrounding me - it then made itself known and went so far beyond anything I ever experienced. It was captivating - all you could do was give into it and acknowledge it - surrender to it and let it take control.

So I let my arms fall and relaxed and took it all in. Then - and only then - did I look at David. In Karate you never look at your opponent but always look off to the side and use your periferal vision.

David said, "You're a Christian aren't you"

I looked at him with the most peaceful and confident expression I've probably had to that point in my life - because His Presense was all I knew - and it was too wonderful to express and said,
'David, you know that I am'.

 

[Steadygain]

David said, "Right now I believe if I would try to hit you or do anything against you that a bolt of lightening would come out of the ceiling and strike me dead."

This is interesting in that it was not just me who felt the Presense and acknowledged the Power represented - but David clearly acknowledged it as well.

Now I was completely resigned to The Presense - the Devine Power and Authority - and more confident in it's safety than anything else I'd ever known.

So I assuredly told David: "I have no idea what will happen to you if you try to attack me - but I can absolutely guarantee you that whatever you do to me will come back on you at least 10 fold."

Then after pausing briefly - I asked him if he knew what I meant by that and he said 'NO'.

So I told him if he hit me in the face - that he in turn would be hit in the face with at least 10 times the force he hit me with and that I would not lift a finger against him. In fact I assured him that I personally would not do anything to counter him or attack him.

That is when the crowd in the hallway shouted 'Let's get out of here' and I heard the commotion of people running out of the suite. Two remained and one was at the doorway - so I went over and asked if they needed anything (or if I could help them).

He said, 'No - we're cool man thanks'. Then he and the other walked out of the suite. From that day on they treated me with immense respect - but I didn't know them and that was my only enconter.

So God is sometimes hard to find - and perhaps I needed a situation of that magnitude to PLEA FOR HIS PRESENSE - TO TOTALLY SURRENDER OVER TO HIS CONTROL - TO ACKNOWLEDGE WITHOUT HIS INTERVENTION THERE IS NO HOPE

But once I did that - on the level I did and to the extent I did I found so much more than I ever dreamed could be possible. No matter how great we may be - we are incredibly 'LIMITED' and God is unlimitied in comparrison. So I learned to reduce the power until it was like a thick nauseating black dye in the pit of my stomach and from there it disappeared. I have absolutely NO NEED for it and what I have is so many billion times better that nothing else in the entire Universe can compare.

To Him - be all glory and praise - forever

AMEN

 

[Steadygain]

When I was growing up revenge was the best therapy - and I benefited from a lot of therapy. If someone had done that to me I would have eventually come back on a dark night with a tire iron and let fear reign.

Some days later after the hurt of being falsely accused of something I didn't do, I got mad, then madder as I thought about it more...

A while later, I was able to corner the little bastard in the woods out back of his house where he had been hiding from me when I came around looking for him....

Okay sorry, I digressed ...Breathe, ....Breathe....

My brave and ferious fighters,
The only reason why both of you (along with CB) would have been entrusted with my daughter's life is because I knew no matter what happened to me you would not fail to keep her safe and do everything possible to have her accomplish The Mission.


If I had not totally given my situation over to God and mustered up whatever confidence or trust I could find - what would have been the end result?

The overwhelming odds are I would have killed David and not thought anything about it until it was over. The whole ordeal would have lasted 2 seconds max. Now imagine if a bunch of others had come charging in the room - and I had not given this situation over to God (and most importantly God had not been faithful to respond as was done). My condition upon destroying David would have intensified and I would have become even more deadly. Anyone attacking me would have been destroyed. There is no doubt that everyone on this MB would have heard about me - the man fresh out of the Army who killed the entire soceer team.

So the problem with 'revenge' is that it only makes the situation worse. Then the opponent lives to get 'revenge' and the cycle becomes a never ending cycle of hatred, mistrust, and anger. There is never an END to this cycle - it goes on generation after generation and fully convinces 'us' that we are justified to regard others as we do - and in the end they are less than human and worse than animals.

Breaking this cycle is far superior - because you have absolutely 'no regrets' and way more importantly you find that God is not only a GOD of true LOVE, MERCY, and GRACE - But you find GOD has the ultimate POWER and STRENGTH and finding 'shelter in God' is the ultimate shelter because with it is the Ultimate Peace and the most ultimate Security possible. With that you come to find Life on a higher level, your Faith increases and you become something better.

But it is a 'daily struggle' and I will always have to wrestle with life circumstances - and I realize that there will always be some that are ready to stab you in the back (but always smile at your face). So you have to stay 'on guard' - but that is part of life.

BUT NOW - MORE THAN EVER - I realize I came here for 'therapy' and without this MB - I would never have to come to realize that the events I faced in childhood, as tragic as they were, are the very events that qualified me to find the Young One and there is nothing in this lifetime that could compare to her. So yes it was terrible but it is nothing compared to the GOOD - the ULTRA GOOD - that I experienced (even if but for one brief moment). Yet I'm all the more confident that my remaining years will be the Ultimate Years and so I wake every morning thanking God for another day of life.

 

[Steadygain]

Well you know about the 'BAD and UGLY'

But you can't even roughly know my brother without knowing the GOOD

He is one of the most discipled guys I've ever known. To this day I've never met anyone 'better with money'. He is the one who taught me 'It's not how much you make but what you do with what you have'.

And that TRUTH has rang out over and over throughout my life.

He is SMART - incredibly smart and did very well throughout the years.

He had the highest 'security clearance' of anyone I knew - and the only limitation was not being able to walk directly in the Oval Office to see the President face to face. Any other place was fully accessable and he had the authority to go where very few are ever allowed to go.

He is extremely generous - and incredibly respected by anyone working for him (or under him). He has been the CHIEF from day one and risen up from there - but always loyal to his first calling.

He is the care giver for my parents and that is a huge task. His daughter and my daughter (the one I wrote the story for) are very close. His wife told us how to fix up the front of our house and it's so beautiful it's just amazing.

The good that he has done and the many things he's accomplished would fill a library. SO PLEASE DON'T THINK BAD OF HIM because of some things that hurt me. In the end it all worked out and in many ways he made me stronger and better.

I do not despise him - and after writting everything out here on the MB I can honestly say I love him more than ever and the awkwardness throughout the years has disappeared. So all is well and I can remain genuinely close - and that was not possible before.

So THANK YOU - EVERYONE OF YOU

It's actually amazing how easy it is to be totally open in this place and how wonderful the bonds can be. So anyway - please know my brother is a very respected and highly esteemed wonderful man and I love him dearly. He obviously made some mistakes but don't we all and there surely are numerous things we would take back if somehow given the chance.

So no one can possibly really know my brother without finding him attractive and having some genuine respect.

 

[Buster]

Well you know about the 'BAD and UGLY'

But you can't even roughly know my brother without knowing the GOOD

He is one of the most discipled guys I've ever known. To this day I've never met anyone 'better with money'. He is the one who taught me 'It's not how much you make but what you do with what you have'.

And that TRUTH has rang out over and over throughout my life.

He is SMART - incredibly smart and did very well throughout the years.

He had the highest 'security clearance' of anyone I knew - and the only limitation was not being able to walk directly in the Oval Office to see the President face to face. Any other place was fully accessable and he had the authority to go where very few are ever allowed to go.

He is extremely generous - and incredibly respected by anyone working for him (or under him). He has been the CHIEF from day one and risen up from there - but always loyal to his first calling.

He is the care giver for my parents and that is a huge task. His daughter and my daughter (the one I wrote the story for) are very close. His wife told us how to fix up the front of our house and it's so beautiful it's just amazing.

The good that he has done and the many things he's accomplished would fill a library. SO PLEASE DON'T THINK BAD OF HIM because of some things that hurt me. In the end it all worked out and in many ways he made me stronger and better.

I do not despise him - and after writting everything out here on the MB I can honestly say I love him more than ever and the awkwardness throughout the years has disappeared. So all is well and I can remain genuinely close - and that was not possible before.

So THANK YOU - EVERYONE OF YOU

It's actually amazing how easy it is to be totally open in this place and how wonderful the bonds can be. So anyway - please know my brother is a very respected and highly esteemed wonderful man and I love him dearly. He obviously made some mistakes but don't we all and there surely are numerous things we would take back if somehow given the chance.

So no one can possibly really know my brother without finding him attractive and having some genuine respect.

You are a very wonderful spirit..I admire your wisdom and reason...

So Sorry about what I said I would do to your Brother...




Well maybe then a Vasectomy

 

[Steadygain]

You are a very wonderful spirit..I admire your wisdom and reason...

It has taken many years to get to where I am today and it's been a very long journey... always trying to learn more - to have a better understanding and a more accurate insight...

yet I AM VERY FLAWED..

Our 'grounding' teaches us 'we are Great' and in comparison 'they are slime'. We are 'good' and they are 'evil'. So I believed Cuba deserved whatever bad we could dish out - and of course we are always led to believe that the few in power and control represent the entire population. But I did not understand what the 'embargo' would do to the entire population and that once put in place it would continue decade after decade throughout my life. Nor did I ever dream that in this day and age I would find how 'human' the entire population really is. How beautiful they are and how miserable their conditions are because of 'us'. The population as a whole wants the same thing we do; to live in happiness, to live in peace and let love florish; to be in harmony with one another and let dignity and respect be the 'norm'.

I was convinced Iran was 'evil' and the entire population was just like their religious leader who out of the blue took 50 USA civilian hostages. Only years later did I come to realize that the entire population were a beautiful people. That the resource which could bring them the most prosperity was being drained from foreign powers - and that the CIA has set in place a variety of operations to disrupt their society and keep them 'under control'. The population as a whole wants the same thing we do; to live in happiness, to live in peace and let love florish; to be in harmony with one another and let dignity and respect be the 'norm'.

The first patient I saw - when I began my work in Orthopedic Surgery, was black woman. She had problems with her knee. So I spent time with her getting the details and then gave her an exam. Her son kept jumping up 'ready to fight me off' when she made painful sounds, but she kept telling him to sit down and assured him I was doing a good job. You see I treated her with compassion and respect and that was the last thing they were expecting. I determined she needed some expensive tests done and ordered them for her. The Head Doctor was outraged that I would even give this 'no good n***er' a good exam - let alone order any kind of tests (especially expensive ones) for her. I only lasted 3 months, but I learned what I could and actually got a very good grounding in Orthopedic Surgery. But genuine love and compassion do not blend with hated and prejudism - and when kindness confronts hositily the ones in control will remain in control.

So we do the best we can - and learn to trust in something greater. The wonderful spirit you see is not mine - please know that I am weak and have done many terrible things; the wisdom you see is largely because of something far greater than me and is more because I've learned through many mistakes and the reason comes from realizing that deep down - we are all brothers and sisters and that each and everyone of us have the Devine Beauty within us.

 

[Steadygain]

First I thought you were a hippie still on drugs,

I am a hippie on drugs. My heart and soul always lean towards the natural open spirit of love and tranquility. If I'm walking through various places in Nature and say I pass an area covered with thick moss or ferns - then my tendency is to lose myself to that setting and (be naked and make love). When I'm soaking in the 'waterfalls' often I think how perfect it would be to hold a woman with wonderful chemistry and flow with that.

And the drugs.... OMG ... a cup of green tea (or Panama coffee) in the morning with a scented candle and a balanced setting.

then a poet,

A poet at heart - is surely a poet forever. You have me figured out pretty well.

a philosopher,

Philosphy is the essense of life and understanding... so our quest should always be in persuit of finding that to the greatest extent.

a vet,

Much more than that my friend... I am about as Hardcore as you can possibly be.

VA clinic supervisor

I am but a drop in the bucket - a brick in the wall.

and now a post about orthopedic surgery.

Upon graduation I had a good grounding in General Medicine and I understood all the various systems - how they can break down or fail - and what can be done to correct them.

Orthopedic Surgery - and all that's involved is a subset I was weak in. I needed to know many things about 'casting' and all the other things to dot the I and cross the T.

Don't make too much out of that - it was strictly for educational purposes (to have a more complete grounding).

I have no idea of who you are...

I don't know if anyone does. I am in the process of finding out who I am this very minute. I would say on the barest and most fundamental level I am the one 'most qualified' to recognize, cherish, and bring to life the Young One. It would now appear that is most overwhelming basis for my existence - at least in terms of understanding this world. With that perhaps my true identity of being a 'blue white diamond' is most complete and apparently that brings the radiance to maximum capicity. Through it all I am some elements brought together by the Creator and Sustainer of Life and whatever Life I have - stems from the Ultimate Source of Life.

I am one seeking 'a better way' - one who is trying to break the rigid beliefs that interfere with the most thorough and ultra spiritualness and happiness and ultimately one who hopes to spread those aspects of spirituality and happiness to all I encounter.

Thank you so much for your beautiful message and WELCOME to the MB. I am truely honored !!

Steady

 

[Steadygain]

I always read what you are saying. It helps me to relax. I just stay lurking in the shadows. Thanks for being on the message board.

Thank you so much my dear friend.

I'm trying to understand how this is possible, as others have expressed similar sentiments.

I now believe there is a 'Rhythm' the 'Great Spirit' has with all Life and with everthing throughout the Universe. That our Sun and its Planets and the Galaxy and everything moves to a certain 'Beat'.

This underlying 'Beat' was the most fundamental aspect that defined the Native Americans and 'Music' was largely the core of their existence. So deep down I believe it is this 'Music' or this 'Beat' that connects us all and when we allow ourselves to blend and bond on this level - it gives us a peace and helps us to relax.

OBGibby, when sharing his intelligence background - said something to the effect that the 'Culture of the People' made no difference but he saw only the 'geo-political aspect'. Here I would say this is how the early settlers refused to recognize the Superior Lifestyle the Native Americans represented.

So my guess is deep down you know that I come to grips with the core of your hertitage - the root of your being and honestly the root of all of 'our being'. That on the deepest level I honor LIFE and see the sacredness that LIFE instills. In this sense the Native Americans were largely ignored and today as our Civilization is increasingly honoring and highlighting the importance of building and living 'GREEN' - how much more so should we bring the Native American Hertitage to the FOREFRONT and highlight their 'Superior Existence'.

I have no idea what it is that allows me to help others 'relax' - but I am grateful this is true. Some say 'I'm a gem' - and who am I to know if this is true? I think the most important thing is I refuse to let LIFE be complicated. I refuse to let any aspect of LIFE take from the REAL BEAUTY we were meant to find and I strive to be open to finding that BEAUTY whevever I go and with whatever I find - be it people, animals, birds, plants, the atmospere itself. Often it is simply the way the clouds look, the way the sun's rays pierce through the clouds like huge spotlights, the trees and fields, lakes and streams and waterfalls and everything else. Perhaps I absorb all these elements and somehow reflect their beauty back. On a spiritual level - perhaps I know the Great Spirit and dwell in that Spirit more often and whatever you see is something much greater and I'm not even aware it's happening.

Whatever it is and in whatever manner - I help you relax and whatever draws you to read my stuff - I am grateful. Thank you!!

 

[Steadygain]

Life is a river flowing along many different paths. The one that flowed through this MB has been filled with numerous experiences and each one brought some added depth and understanding. I have never been here to offend - or take from anyone - and I honestly am not concerned with any judgement or condemnation YET I will strive to promote 'understanding' for that is the best means by which I can eliminate any confussion, and do away with any remenants of harsh feelings.

My previous posts were open responses to Private Messages and I hope with all my heart the 'Sender' remains 'Secret' - but when I believe my response is meant for the Open Board then I respond accordingly.

***************************

help to keep the MB a safe place for me and other women alike.

I'd seen for a long time that it was very easy for you to get detoured down a mental track that has gotten uncomfortable very quickly for some other women on the board,

It's really strange the MB became what it did and all that transpired. I don't have any idea what I came here hoping to find. I honestly believe my intentions were pure and were solely related to the TSP. Yet I admit it became way more of an adventure - an escape - perhaps a respite and it was good.

When I began expressing my life openly I was greeted very warmly by both men and women. You can see this at the beginning of my Thread - where I started pouring everything out and the way things happended. Cornellia was one of the first to connect on the level she did and things just took root and blossomed. To my knowledge; it was not that I was looking for her (or that she was looking for me) - but somehow we connected in wonderful ways and communicated on very deep levels. Perhaps it was Chemistry (who knows) - perhaps there were longings that seemed to find fulfillment or there were dry areas that got water and sprang to life. How can anyone objectively express a subjective experience? All I know is that whatever I gave ~ I received - and the more I received the more I gave - and it became deeper and all encompassing. Deep down I believe it was FIRST the more I received - the more I gave. You see somehow I had to believe something was there and that I was getting something and responding to it. So through it all I guess perhaps many empty areas of our life began to fill and both of us seemed to enjoy it. And it's strange - in fact I guess it's dangerous and maybe even sick - but I came to believe that was the Ultimate purpose in my existence (especially here and that carried over to everywhere) and the more I could somehow 'Fulfill others' and others 'Fulfilled me' the more Beautiful Life became and I began to know Happiness on levels I had never known before.

especially as I read each installment of the story you wrote for your daughter,

Yes - in retrospect I can certainly see how that would have been very uncomfortable and extremely unsettling. How could I be so crazy ? or be that nieve ? OMG I am very different, that is for sure.

This is where a Whole New World opened altogether and it was one that went beyond anything I'd ever known before. That story was based on The Truth - perhaps the greatest truth I'd ever learned in who I am and who the others most closely attached to my life were. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever believed I and Cornellia and all the others elaborated in that story were True Honest to Goodness 'Gems'. For someone like me, with the background I had, that was like the most ultimate beauty imaginable. And it was revealed in the most genuine - authentic - and beautiful way that anyone could have ever expressed. Here I came to realize that our radiance sparkled so much brighter because of each other. So when Carrie asked me to write her a story - I thought that would be the most beautiful story imaginable and at the same time I'd have a 'Permanent Record' of that period of my life.

From my perspective the Story was based on Sugar & Spice (whose shield I've never been able to penetrate) - and out of Respect will leave alone. But - Right or Wrong - I felt there were areas that needed to somehow be reached and I had hoped to penetrate the shield through the story. But I meant no disrespect - and in no way meant anything I shared to be awkward, uncomfortable, or unsettling. In all sincereity I actually believed I was complimenting everyone of them to the highest degree possible.

I think what made it the worst is the part that needed so much stress. You see whatever was described in the Inner Circles (the Colors and Gems elaborated ) - and the subsequent Blending were the Gems finding the Greatest Radiance possible because they have expotiential properties or their Radiance becomes all the greater as they feed off one another. Nothing can beat a Sparkling Friend and before anything else that is what we were and how we effected one another. That's it - it's beautiful - and nothing but beautiful.

So if you read the Story again - hopefully you see the Real Beauty it meant to express. For in the end both me (and my partner) blended with the Ultimate Blossom to make her Radiance the Greatest Possible. I tried to tie it all together with something far greater than all of us put together. To put 'Personality' into real characters - when many you barely know was quite an endeavor.

To do Right does not justify the Wrong I did to so many MB members - but Carrie absolutely loved the Story and for her it was as Beautiful and Wonderful as any gift she could have ever hoped to find.

 

[Steadygain]

What disturbed me was when you brought SunshineRomano into the story as the romantic love of your life. that felt like you were saying you had developed a deep beautiful intense emotional relationship with someone other than your spouse, here on the MB, which felt like an emotional violation of the marriage commitment to me, and that disturbed me it was in a story meant for Carrie.

This is a part of my story - which was included.

"Everyone but me (Carrie) knew that they were each others first true love Steady thought it was all the way she (Sunshine) made him feel as he had largely felt that way since he first saw her waving in the clearing. But then he noticed the golden robe she and he were wearing and he was stunned to discover this. He started to undo the knot that held it together and Sunshine stopped him and told him it has to stay in place for 5 minutes and then everything will be perfect. "Trust me Steady skin will never feel better and there could never be a more perfect guarantee that every little aspect of your health will ever be in more perfect balance. Steady held her in his arms and they just swayed to the music - nothing playing (at least nothing that could be heard) - but both of them were caught in the same rhythm, the same heartbeat and they swayed around the room soaking in the moment. Then Sunshine looked up at him as he looked down at her. Steady said softly, "Don't kiss my lips or I'll turn into the man and I need to remain a raccoon for Carrie's sake". Just as their lips joined together the 5 minute bell sounded once and they were totally lost and wholly found in each other's world.
Steady and Sunshine were totally bonded and left together.";

I am so glad you brought this up – for there is nothing that could possibly convey who I am and what I have lived for on this MB more than this encounter. Whether it is a delusion and totally out of touch with reality – I often seem to have the ability to connect with the heart of the writer and feel their emotions. Here perhaps the most important aspect to emphasize is that when there is ‘Pain and Emotional Turmoil’ that is something I am incredibly sensitive to. Yet there are a number of men on the MB this equally applies to. Women in general have a much harder time hiding this – because on the whole they are so amazingly ‘Real’ and regardless of how great their minds are ~ often their heart (the real core of their being and identity) is something I immediately get wrapped up in.

It is not for me to take them to bed and ruin everything they stand for. It is wholly meant to compliment the beauty and value that so richly and rightfully belongs to them. I have 3 daughters that are like ‘beautiful seeds’ that I strive to compliment and let their roots flourish in ‘good soil’ so they appreciate the real beauty in their life and let that life blossom as much as possible. NO – NO – NO – I am not in any way wanting to Contaminate a ‘Beauty that comes from something far greater than me or them’ – rather I am striving with everything to emphasize the real beauty that is there and bring it to life. If they have ‘a Gift’ then I will do all things to bring that Gift to life – because that is the essence of their being and through this is immensely greater beauty and appreciation for life in general. BUT TOO OFTEN a woman will not let her ‘Gift’ come to life and shine forth like it should – because way too often she is taken advantage of, is ridiculed or trampled because of this gift, and unfortunately she is left to keep it hidden. This is the worst and most tragic event that can happen and I am immensely compelled to counter the harsh and uncaring world and bring that Gift to life.

http://www.tsptalk.com/mb/showpost.php?p=191005&postcount=19

If I may touch on Miracles for just a moment; for those who refuse to believe; they don’t exist – for those who make an effort to believe more and more; they are an everyday occurrence. I regard my brief encounter with Sunshine as a Miracle.

This was my initial response and I was overwhelmed with the beauty and emotions I sensed. So I made an effort to reach out:

http://www.tsptalk.com/mb/showpost.php?p=191034&postcount=22

So I made an effort to connect – to reach out and do whatever I could. She had just brought her Gift to life and brought it out fully and in a wonderful way – only to have it trampled and ignored. So there was a lot of pain and confusion. She sent a guarded PM and I sent a quick reply. Then she sent another - wondering how a ‘Total Stranger could say exactly what she needed to hear and was floored that my ‘one simply reply’ could bring her to tears the way it did…how I could I know exactly what she needed to hear?

How is it when Squalebear had more of a ‘minor encounter’ my efforts to give him 2 weeks were rejected? Yet in this process I got all the information needed for when the ‘major encounter’ occurred. How is it that his wife connected with me (of all people) who grew to love and care for him as my little brother?

For the ‘unbelieving’ everything that ever happens is just by chance and there is absolutely ‘no purpose’ for anything. For the ‘believing’ nothing happens by chance – everything happens for a purpose and if we look we see how one thing leads to another.

It is only with this background that I can honestly bring a 'Good Understanding' to your response above. Will come back to elaborate when I have some extra time.

THANK YOU so much for expressing your concern !

 

[Steadygain]

Felt like a violation of the marriage commitment

Sorry, it's been very busy and I promise I will fully elaborate on every possible thought or concern - because these are all the more thoughts and concerns that the entire MB deserves to know.

But I need to go in bits and pieces - so there is absolutely no mistake about the overall picture.

I think the most important thing for you – and everyone to know – is that I chose Jimi Hendrix because this MB gave me the opportunity to be him and that has always been my ‘biggest dream’ and the first most major committment I ever made. So I was – and have largely been a Free Spirit to flow, live, and enjoy without reservation. So from the very onset I have been totally open with everything – nothing hidden – all thoughts and emotions flowing freely and making every effort to be all he represented to me - and yet letting my real life (me) come to life. This is such a crucial KEY in understanding my overall life here throughout the MB and the entire adventure that transpired.

Commitment – When I commit to something it is all the way and I give everything I can. I made the highest rank possible for my time in service; especially when you consider the few short years I was in. The Rank did not make any difference to me – but those over me apparently did not want any E6 to think they were on equal terms and so they made me E7. I know of no one else who (as an individual) was called to represent more people and called to complete more complex and important Missions than the ones they gave me. It was commitment that carried me to be the ‘soldier’ I joined to be and that is why I refused to go in Intelligence or be an Officer (both of which they did everything possible to get me to do when I arrived to Boot Camp).

The last real commitment I made was to Birchtree when he was crying and having one of the worst days of his life. I let him know I’d be there if he needed me and I was prepared to fly down – get a cab – and be wherever he wanted to me to join him; even at the expense of not being there for my daughter when she arrived from her year in Korea. So commitment is not something I take light.

My Greatest Commitment is to my children and to that endeavor I will do all things possible on their behalf. That includes making sure my wife does not have to work and has always been able to be the full time mother and homemaker - she choose (and desired) to be. It means making sure a huge life insurance policy (or policies) is always in place in the event anything would ever happen to me. It means moving across the country – close to her parents so she has a more stable environment and subsequently our children have the best environment we could possibly give. It is giving her the best home money can buy and in the best location and doing all things possible to work and live in harmony with her. As far as I’m concerned there are no gender roles; if she washes then I’m beside her drying and putting away; I wash too; I vacuum and do laundry and make beds and dust and everything else that needs to be done. If there is a problem she brings it to my attention and I do essentially all the maintenance. But it is more than all these things – it is living the way I live and being an active part of the family. Living simply and saving all I can and letting her have and control all the money. It is eliminating stress by keeping our children out of debt and never being in debt ourselves. It is making sure that all vacations are centered on what she wants to do – going where she wants to go – and supporting her decisions across the board. It is making a point of knowing her and respecting her and conveying in absolute undeniable terms that she is Precious and Valuable – Loved and Admired. I married her forever – always believed that marriage was once and forever and never honestly questioned that Belief as long as my Children are involved because for their sake a ‘Lasting Marriage and a Happy Home’ are the most important elements I could possibly give. So please know – my life and my feelings make little to no difference. I will make the very best of any circumstance and in no way will I fail them – so that means there is no way I will fail our marriage and what that represents. I focus on the good and I strive with everything to promote peace and harmony. I love her to the best of my ability and if I ever leave her after Carrie is out of school and on her own – it is NOT because I don’t love her and I will undoubtedly give her basically everything – because in no way am I ever out to hurt her; it is just the opposite. Thank you !! for your concern but I absolutely promise you that her life is as happy and fulfilled as I can possibly provide both in the giving of myself and all things I can possibly give - Emotionally - Spiritually - Financially - Physically -- whatever.

Need to run .... but will continue

 

[Guest2]

" How is it when Squalebear had more of a ‘minor encounter’ my efforts to give him 2 weeks were rejected? Yet in this process I got all the information needed for when the ‘major encounter’ occurred. How is it that his wife connected with me (of all people) who grew to love and care for him as my little brother?

For the ‘unbelieving’ everything that ever happens is just by chance and there is absolutely ‘no purpose’ for anything. For the ‘believing’ nothing happens by chance – everything happens for a purpose and if we look we see how one thing leads to another."

Yes my Big Brother, there are no questions left unanswered for those who have the faith to believe and the courage to ask the questions !

 

[Steadygain]

What disturbed me was when you brought SunshineRomano into the story as the romantic love of your life.

That is exactly what I did - but that should not distrub you or anyone else. I was needing a 'LOVE STORY' and wanted to give the very best one possible. SunshineRomano was a total stranger - who I barely met; Honestly - I PROMISE THAT IS TRUE - I knew absolutely nothing about her (other then what I sensed and I responded to thoses senses and it brought her to tears) and basically all I said was deep down she was a wonderful person with a good heart and life AND THIS IS TRUE FOR ALMOST EVERYONE OF US and not to let the ignorance - or neglect of others - take from who she really is.

So for me - Sunshine (and you and no one else was supposed to know it was her) became the center of the 'Ultimate Romantic Love Story' for the Raccoon Man (as Carrie called him).

She was picked because in Real Life there were no attachments and we knew nothing of one another. She was a woman - with a woman's heart and soul - remarkably high integrity, devoted and loyal who gave as much as she could possibly give and got nothing but hurt for all she did. So it was a GIFT to her - a total stranger - because with whoever she is I now had a woman that I could totally let my mind fly with and I fully believed the Story needed an Excellent Love Story to make it full and help it to come to life and really be complete.

There were not PMs and posts going back in forth between us and in real life a Relationship was not anything even remotely like what the story conveyed - totally the opposite - she simply allowed a 'Fantasy Figure' to come to life.

She entered the scene to emphasize not just LOVE and how beautiful love should be but much more to emphasize the SACRAFICE . She choose to wait alone all those years in hopes that Steady would someday appear and she totally gave up her life to a bigger cause in the end - to make the Blossom Shine Forever and join Steady for the greatest reason for our existence.

that felt like you were saying you had developed a deep beautiful intense emotional relationship with someone other than your spouse,

YES - That is very true. But I did the same thing with every other character and Steady needed to drift a little so that I could bring Buster and CB to life. There is probably no one that was honored more than Birch throughout the story.

But YES - Sunshine was 'My First True Love' and 'I was hers' and we were everything to one another and the years flew by with each of us deeply wishing someday we would meet again - and deep down we held to that dream. So in the story she was WAY beyond my spouse - she was the ONE and ONLY TRUE LOVE I ever had and both of us remained TRUE from DAY ONE until the VERY END.

here on the MB,

The story was a Tribute to the Entire MB and it's only because of the various Members the story was even possible.

In fact - there is a 'hidden message' in that story connected with the robe. Here I made a point of giving the highest GRATITUDE, RESPECT, ADMIRATION, AND LOVE to the one who made the whole story possible.

But HERE you (and everyone) have to know that beyond this person is something FAR GREATER and FAR MORE WONDERFUL and I know that only because of GOD - could any of us be what we are and or have the gifts we do.


which felt like an emotional violation of the marriage commitment to me, and that disturbed me it was in a story meant for Carrie.

It is only because it was a story meant for Carrie that it was not 'an emotional violation of the marriage commitment' - Totally and Completely the Opposite. They loved each other in the Truest and Realest Sense Possible ~~ both of them totally wonderful and complete within themselves. She had everything - but him; and he (who did away with the man to become the Raccoon) had everything but her. But there was 'Emptyness' that could only find fulfillment in each other ~ for he was made for her and she was made for him. They gave without reservation and the Central and Most Important Message of 'Their Story' is conveying the extent by which you should give your life - BOTH OF THEM GAVE EVERYTHING; IN THE END THEY GAVE EVERYTHING OVER TO 'THE GREATER CAUSE'

 

[Steadygain]

Weakness? We're all weak, one way or another. that's humanity. that's why we need a Savior.

This is a Truth that is central to every one of us Yet I see some huge problems with this 'core belief' and the manner by which humanity deals with it.

On one extreme you have people so caught up in their self evaluation ~ a 'critical' analysis with little to no end - that a RESIGNATION to weakness becomes the underlying core belief and thus the quest to improve our life and the struggle to overcome our weakness rarely comes into play. Here the belief 'I am filled with weakness, but so is everyone else' SO WHY BOTHER - is like the most ultimate 'hopeless' situation.

On the other extreme are the people who are so busy reflecting on the weakness in others ~ that a heightened sense of self worth is ultimately gained by highlighting others' faults and ignoring their own. Here the belief 'I am better than you' because your weakness is greater in the various areas by which I interpret you - in reality becomes the other most ultimate 'hopeless' situation.

In the former case - the person is caught up with the sense that they are too weak and underserving to have a Savior. In the later case the person would never need a Savior because they constantly reinforce their 'self worth' by noting the weakness in others.

But which Road is the most dangerous?
I don't believe it is either one - instead it is the middle road where the 99% maintain a constant level of comfort and security. In the lukewarm state there is no need for a Savior because they are neither hot nor cold.

Now let's deal with the Savior aspect in relation to the human condition of 'weakness' by which there is no escape. Here it's important to note that a Savior DOES NOT take away our weakness but helps us to acknowledge it on levels that would otherwise be impossible.

Too often some are led to think BAM - the Savior will remove our weakness and are shocked to find it still persists; in fact the Savior makes our 'weakness' far more recognizable.

So in perhaps the greatest sense the Savior - saves us from either extreme and is frequently bouncing us out of the middle road; for the 'middle road' is very much part of our condition - our inate weakness and natural makeup.

************************************************
Now let's deal with the Brain.

Whatever we are at any given moment is wholly and completely a result of the chemical interactions within our brain which is based on the various pathways our thoughts and actions have formed. This is who we are and this is why we live the way we do; why we feel this way about this and that; why we are more inclined to do this and less inclined to do that.

Each and everyone of us is like a 'record' with grooves that play over and over - and the more we do this or that the deeper the grooves become (or pathways are reinforced) and thus our thoughts and actions will spring from these pathways. We have no other choice but to 'see life, know life, and live life' based on the pathways in our brain - which ultimately define our existence.

Our capacity to change the pathways in our brain are unlimited and the potiential each of us has goes way beyond what most would even remotely believe is possible. So we more than possess the ability to change this and that about ourselves as we change the patterns of our thoughts and beliefs and live our lives according. The way I regard the gay community for instance has wholly changed since I first arrived on the MB. No longer I am consumed with 'Bad Energy' but rather a deeper understanding has brought me to accept the fact that they are capable of having 'bonds of love' and enriching each others lives on the same level of heterosexuals. I say this mainly to reflect that as time goes on there should be a deeper quality to life and a genuine peace with one another. So only in that sense do I bring this to light.

This ultimately brings us to understand what a Savior is and why the need is so great. A Savior brings a fundamental change to the overall chemistry of the Brain - that otherwise can never be known.

Only by this 'chemistry' can we come to know LOVE on the level we need to know it. We are saved from our inability to LOVE one another and our inability to LOVE on the capacity that others need.

We are saved from the inability to make the changes we need to make with our own strength. Now here it is important for me to note that we can change our habits within our own strength and we can progressively become better people without Devine Intervention. Very important to know we can live 'good lives' and be 'good people' through determination and consistent practices - that form new pathways shaping our existence. But we DO NOT have the ability to become Devine - or to have the Spiritual Connection to know God in a true enlightened level without the Savior. Here we are totally transformed from our incredibly weak and limited abilities to the Strength and Unlimited Power and Presense of God.

The Savior - then changes everything; just as what happened when God took control of my encounter with David and the soccer team.

Our relationships bring various gifts of wholeness, growth and/or healing by being in them, so in the truest sense there should be no regrets when the overall gain is factored in.

To God be all praise and glory - for only by Him can you know this.

There is always a moment when it becomes evident that it is time to go, usually we recognize it, but not every time. And we don't always leave immediately even when we know it deep inside, sometimes we can drag it out too long.

Indeed - LIFE is full of changes - various transitions with each leading to something better.

God is always able to use each relationship (or their aftermath) to heal us and grow us into greater levels of maturity, self-understanding and emotional wholeness, every time. That's why it's so important to look for the gifts and seek out understanding and let Him heal the damage that came with some of them, sometimes in ways that would make no sense to anyone but ourself.

This comes very close to bringing me to tears. It touches me on the deepest possible levels because those are the levels all of us need to be healed. THANK YOU for that has happended and continues.

I truly believe God meets us wherever we are at, at the level at which we are capable of engaging with Him at any given moment. And He can use anything, any experience for our good, and to bring greater good into the world in terms of enabling us to love more effectively.

That is the very essense of LIFE - why we are here and why each of us is needed and why everyone of us needs one another.

 

[Steadygain]

Weakness? We're all weak, one way or another. that's humanity. that's why we need a Savior.

A Savior brings a fundamental change to the overall chemistry of the Brain - that otherwise can never be known.

Only by this 'chemistry' can we come to know LOVE on the level we need to know it.

This is where I believe our talk of a Savior - and our need for a Savior has wholly missed 'The Spirit' of what God intended. We have largely reduced Christianity to 'rights and wrongs' - 'sin and purity' - 'stength and weakness'...

and in so doing we are no different from the rest of the world and our interactions with one another are mostly shaped by the judgement we convey on one another.

So ULTIMATELY and above everything else the Savior brings us to a dimension of LOVE that GOD ALONE can provide. So it is primarily our inability to LOVE - and know LOVE - that is the bottomline weakness we are saved from and not the vast ocean of habits connected with general lust and weakness.

If in any manner we hope to demonstate the Reality of a Savior and the Substance of His Spirit; this will never be accomplished by our 'righteous acts' of obstaining from drugs, alcohol, tobacco, sex ... and the endless list of commonly accepted 'wrongful acts of living' for many of those that refuse a Savior live everybit as 'Righteous' and are perhaps 'morally stronger' than many professing to have a Savior.

The only way - we can show the world that the Savior Lives is by showing that LOVE that GOD ALONE provides in us. Therefore WEAKNESS must be defined by and limited to the comparison of God's LOVE. Only then can anyone see the real need for a Savior.


We DO NOT have the ability to LOVE one another apart from God and so all of our interactions with one another - regardless of who they are or how they live - should spring from the depths of God's Love.

This should always remain the GREATEST CONSTANT when others look at us and how we interact with them.

We DO NOT have the ability to LOVE on the capacity that others need without a Savior. Only in this manner does WEAKNESS count because we are able to LOVE beyond the WEAKNESS and in spite of it where others are not.

So since we are bringing this to light - now more than ever we need to let everything we say --- and all the ways we interact with one another ULTIMATELY reflect this undeniable TRUTH.

We are saved from the HUMAN inability to make the changes we need to make within our own strength.

Now here it is important for me to note that we can change our habits within our own strength and we can progressively become better people without Devine Intervention. Very important to know we can live 'good lives' and be 'good people' through determination and consistent practices - that form new pathways shaping our existence.

But we DO NOT have the ability to know Devine LOVE or demonstrate this LOVE - or have the Spiritual Connection to know God in a true enlightened level without the Savior. Here we are totally transformed from our incredibly weak and limited abilities to the Strength and Unlimited Power and Presense of God.

The Savior - then changes everything; just as what happened when God took control of my encounter with David and the soccer team; and with this we have many witnesses.

Let us then - be a constant witness of God's Love in all we say and all we do - and let our interactions so make know the Glory and Grace by which His Love is known.

Have the Best Weekend of your entire Life - and thank you for inspiring me the way you have and the way you continue to do !!!

 

[Steadygain]

The following is Sarah's Testimony - which her church asked her to write so they could post it on their bulliten board.

Her's was typed out regularly - but here I can stress what I want and that's why it will appear as it does.

Just Jump, Already!!​

Right before I came back to Korea, my aunt gave me a couple of books by Rolland and Heidi Baker, missionaries in Mozambique. ​

My addition here - she now has her tickets to fly to Mozambique in 1/2010 for 3 weeks during a break she has in Korea. ​

In the last month, their testimonies have refreshed my spirit and renewed my vision of God's kingdom on earth like nothing else. The Bakers now oversee 3,000 churches and 7,000 orphans, and experience miracles on a weekly basis (many people have been raised from the dead).​

They have no strategy,​

except to keep their eyes on Jesus and recognize His face in the poor.​

They believe God will do everything He has promised,​

and so they LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS,​

WITHOUT WORRIES,​

AND WITHOUT COUNTING THE COST. ​

Theirs is a way of blessing and suffering,​

a way of physical poverty and spiritual wealth,​

a way of pain and disease and discomfort, ​

and a way of rest in the arms of Jesus. ​

Theirs is a way of continually being poured out and broken as Christ's body for the world, and a way of UNCEASING JOY and SPIRITUAL HARVAST. Their lives encourage and challenge me because they reveal my own lifestyle for what it truly is: a life semi-yeilded to Christ, holding back to preserve my comfort and image, but a life with incredible potiential to further God's Kingdom if I would just surrender it completely. Their stories give me courage as I see how God has been faithful to them in the most impossible circumstances and proven Himself as soverign over all. ​

continues ....​

 

[Steadygain]

I realize most of you have to be wondering how I put up with a girl like her? Well I don't ... it's way more like how does she put up with me??

Anyway - she's done with college and on her own. So this is part 2

Perhaps for the first time in my life I want to chase after God -- not creep toward Him at a snail's pace, but run! For many years, I have been like the little girl hesitating to jump off the high dive into her father's arms. I've stood trembling at the end of the wobbly board, too terrified to jump or turn back. I have been a frustrated idealist, envisioning a world where broken people were loved to wholeness, where every Christian stopped for the Samaritan and fed the hungry, where red-light districts couldn't exist within sight of a church because Jesus' pure, persistent, and matchless love would pull all the desperate and lonely to Him instead. I have been frustrated because not even I have been willing to sacrifice for these ideals; and if I won't do it, then who else can I expect to?

Father's observations here: She was chosen by her high school to be the Val Victorian - not because she made the very highest grades but because the teachers felt she represented the highest quality and her grades were at the top. All of her jobs have been Service Oriented - very low pay - Christ Centered. While in college she worked at S.W.A.P. every summer; cooking for weekly groups that came to build and restore run down homes. Upon graduation she went to South Korea to work with a school that focuses NOT on Academics - but puts 'Relationships, Teamwork, Personal Characteristics before everything else' - and some of her students have already surpassed those with formal training throughout the years. But her students have experiences the others have never had....

 

[Steadygain]

But as I read the stories of the faithful missionaries in Mozambique, I see that Christians more faithful than I are indeed bringing God's Kingdom to earth, and I feel my legs flexing for a mighty jump. A jump off the shakey platform of self-preservation and worldly rationalization into territory where people point and stare,

not because I'm a giant, white foreigner in Korea,

but because I'm a foreigner to this world and my actions of extreme love don't fit here.

I've seen a glimpse of the glory, a glimpse of the joy, a glimpse of the compassionate heart of God for His broken people. And I want to see more of Him.

BUT I HAVE TO BE BROKEN FIRST.

Heidi talks a lot about lying down before our loving Lord, surrendering ourselves completely to Him and letting Him fill us with His love before we stand up to move forward. That takes humility, trust, and selflessness, and I lack all of those things.

Before I went home this summer, God spoke to my heart and said that when I came back it would be to learn submission. At first I thought that meant submitting to human authority figures; I'm so independent and full of pride that I thought that would be a big enough project in itself. But now I think He meant more than that; He meant learning to submit to Him, and in Him to submit to others, to the will of a pastor or a community. A task that maybe could've been squeezed into a couple of years will now take a lifetime. I just hope I'm not writing from the top of the diving board next year.


She really did have the smiley face -

so that's from my little scooster kabootster

 

[alevin]

She's afire, Steady, that's for sure and that is beautiful. I understand what she's thinking, I've been there. Hope you'll remind her that in leaving her comfort zones, she is still called to stay grounded, validate whatever she hears from pastor or anyone else-through scripture and that small quiet voice, not called to blindly surrender her mind or her own understanding of scripture to anyone "in authority". People blindly submitted to Jim Jones as their pastor, look where that took them. I had cult people (more than 1 cult-try 3) try to lead me astray when I was in my 20s and equally on fire-some even selectively used scripture to persuade me of their beliefs and convince me to follow false shepherds-it was wider knowledge of scripture that saved me. She may be sheltered in a solid community wherever she goes, then again, she is likely to encounter beliefs that challenge as she goes forth into the ever bigger world and she will be called to exercise the gift of discernment. Selah