Steadygain's Groove and Trip Pad

[Buster]

Had an MRI of the neck and head along with an EEG earlier today.

Both stated the Data was excellent - everything went as good as the imaging and electrical rhythms could be accomplished.

Will PM you if anything remarkable.

Glad everything went well...So what's up?

You can PM me like you said

 

[Steadygain]

Glad everything went well...So what's up?

Sugar and Spice brought a flood of memories back to the surface. I'd encountered some very unusual events in my youth. It's hard to say which one was the worst because each had its lasting effects.

The 7th grade was the first time I decided to give school a new start and really make an effort to do well. I did so well the teachers were forced to grade 'on a curve'. It was a totally new concept - but it didn't change the fact that missing an answer or two left me with a less than perfect grade; which made me try all the harder. Well anyway if I got a 92 - that became a 100 so others could get a passing grade. Everytime we had a test everyone in the class raced to sit near me so they could copy my work - which I thought was totally ridiculous because I would never let anyone copy my stuff.

So a plan was set to eliminate me and it was an excellent plan. I was a very good 'pool player' at that time and mainly played in the basement of a large school for priests. So somehow a 'tournament' was arranged to play at that school on 'my tables'.

Well on the way we passed a building built into a hillside with a flat roof. This was the 'plan' and you could easily walk on the roof from the hillside and throw someone off several stories to concrete on the other side. This is in fact what happened to me. My last memory was being picked up and getting thrown over; but I don't remember the fall down. Apparently I must have tried to protect my face and head as I landed because I broke both my wrists and scattered my right elbow. The bone near my left eyebrow cracked with an impact that jarred my right eye loose. I broke other bones and damaged some other organs (like my kidneys) but my brain is something I'd always wondered about over the years.

So the MRI and EEG are wholly for investigational purposes. If there is damage I want to know to the N th degree where it is and how my brain adjusted to the damage. It's possible that I had a full recovery and despite the huge initial damage with resulting bacterial spinal meningitis I never had seizures, lost my hearing, or had anything else that stood out as limiting my potiential. But I honestly don't know if that's true because I can only know life from my brain and whatever chemical processes are ongoing. If you look at my accomplishments from that accident to the present it would appear that I am above average and have excelled in everything I set out to complete. Knowing the brain as I do it's important for me to know what areas may have been damaged and to what extent. With that knowledge I could reshape my brain to have other sections function in place of the damaged area.

Thanks for asking

 

[turbo23dog]

Dang tough neighborhood... I played on the roofs of buildings growing up in Bklyn, NY so the story resonated for me...

 

[Buster]

Thanks for asking

Holy Crap!!..Sorry to hear all this..I did something simular, but I fell out of a 100' tall tree, playing tag while at summer camp in the Boy Scouts...(I had minimal body damage that healed thankfully)

 

[Steadygain]

The Bubble

I think life offers a wide array of events and with each one I strive to be as open minded as possible and let whatever happens happen to the greatest degree. So plunging into the internet world with an ever growing and changing forum was quite an experience.

It's easy to flow with the current and that is overwhelmingly the trend that dominates this site. I understand the importance of being an 'Activist' and the duty and obligation to take a stand and make things known. I also appreciate the 'rally mode' and the inspiration of growing numbers and a Team Mentality - or the ambitions of increasing numbers having a Greater Potiential to make Changes.

But with certain Institutions - especially those of high Political Positions - I have found over the years that it is better to Create a Bubble and let that shield you from damage. So when the FRTIB (spelling) dominated almost every post for months and months on end I found it easier to stay in the bubble. I simply could not see any advantage to getting so wrapped up in 'negative energy' and fighting against something you could not beat and in fact would likely make worse. So I remained in The Bubble and dealt with whatever decisions the FRTIB enacted. So it is with Obama and with Politics in general. I appreciate the Activist Mindset and whatever endeavors bring you to the battlefield. For me the best way to deal with this is making The BUBBLE stronger and letting things go.

So in some situations we simply have to get to a point of mutual respect. I will respect whatever views you share and make no effort to counter them. If they are outside of my bubble I'll simply leave them alone.

PEACE

 

[Buster]

The Bubble

I think life offers a wide array of events and with each one I strive to be as open minded as possible and let whatever happens happen to the greatest degree. So plunging into the internet world with an ever growing and changing forum was quite an experience.

It's easy to flow with the current and that is overwhelmingly the trend that dominates this site. I understand the importance of being an 'Activist' and the duty and obligation to take a stand and make things known. I also appreciate the 'rally mode' and the inspiration of growing numbers and a Team Mentality - or the ambitions of increasing numbers having a Greater Potiential to make Changes.

But with certain Institutions - especially those of high Political Positions - I have found over the years that it is better to Create a Bubble and let that shield you from damage. So when the FRTIB (spelling) dominated almost every post for months and months on end I found it easier to stay in the bubble. I simply could not see any advantage to getting so wrapped up in 'negative energy' and fighting against something you could not beat and in fact would likely make worse. So I remained in The Bubble and dealt with whatever decisions the FRTIB enacted. So it is with Obama and with Politics in general. I appreciate the Activist Mindset and whatever endeavors bring you to the battlefield. For me the best way to deal with this is making The BUBBLE stronger and letting things go.

So in some situations we simply have to get to a point of mutual respect. I will respect whatever views you share and make no effort to counter them. If they are outside of my bubble I'll simply leave them alone.

PEACE

As usual my friend...that is a great philosophy.

 

[alevin]

Sugar and Spice brought a flood of memories back to the surface. I'd encountered some very unusual events in my youth. It's hard to say which one was the worst because each had its lasting effects.


So the MRI and EEG are wholly for investigational purposes. If there is damage I want to know to the N th degree where it is and how my brain adjusted to the damage. It's possible that I had a full recovery and despite the huge initial damage with resulting bacterial spinal meningitis I never had seizures, lost my hearing, or had anything else that stood out as limiting my potiential. But I honestly don't know if that's true because I can only know life from my brain and whatever chemical processes are ongoing. Knowing the brain as I do it's important for me to know what areas may have been damaged and to what extent. With that knowledge I could reshape my brain to have other sections function in place of the damaged area.

OMG, Steady. I only saw your earlier post about the MRI late last night, had to absorb the info before could respond. Truly you are a living miracle-physically and psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. Your innate resources for coping with traumatic injury and post-traumatic stress are stunning. I hope the glimpses you provide into your world give others hope that could use some.

 

[Steadygain]

OMG, Steady. I only saw your earlier post about the MRI late last night, had to absorb the info before could respond. Truly you are a living miracle-physically and psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. Your innate resources for coping with traumatic injury and post-traumatic stress are stunning. I hope the glimpses you provide into your world give others hope that could use some.

Thank you - but I fear you give me too much credit. I am constantly wrestling with life's circumstances - ethical issues - deeply solid and unbending beliefs (that only now am I beginning to realize may be preventing me from a much happier and more purposeful life). Sometimes the worse trauma may be the realization that the immense beauty and fulness that life has to offer remains hidden because you are convinced you're meant to deal with what you have. So in some ways I made huge gains and in other ways I'm only now beginning to see things in a different light.

In my 'Bubble' - I can not afford to think about Tanks, Planes, Helicopters ... so when someone describes an image of an A10 flying in the mountains I have learned to replace it with images of cannons firing ice cream and cookies, ballons, and other things. In my mind the people run out in the open - waving their arms - everyone laughing and happy and gathering up whatever gifts are being fired out. I've learned to do this with everything. Rifles fire flowers; Tanks are loaded with all kinds of goodies. There is NO WAR - everything is totally the opposite.

The last time I 'Lost Control' is when Cornellia said something about wanting me to teach her karate - (to control energy). This is when the thick black ink slipped out for a moment or two and immediately began to take over. It took a few days to finally get it locked up and hidden away. So I explained that I can't afford to let it out and she understood.

It's a daily battle Alevie and I do what I can but I'm weaker than you realize - and that's the main reason why I make the bubble so strong and constantly reinforce it.

Am way behind - but will share what ultimately turned everything around latter on.

 

[Birchtree]

When I was growing up revenge was the best therapy - and I benefited from a lot of therapy. If someone had done that to me I would have eventually come back on a dark night with a tire iron and let fear reign.

 

[Steadygain]

When I was growing up revenge was the best therapy - and I benefited from a lot of therapy. If someone had done that to me I would have eventually come back on a dark night with a tire iron and let fear reign.

Birch,
I was just a skinny kid trying to live a good life and never intended harm to anyone.

Shortly after joining the Army I bulked up - man you just wouldn't believe how much bigger I did get and I became the 'ultimate lean clean fighting machine'

Was told from day one when I woke out of the coma while in the hospital 'It was simply an accident - that I was at the edge of the roof and slipped on the ice'

So I'd always believed that's exactly what happened. Wasn't until years later I finally remembered how it really happened. By the time I did remember I was more than capable of enacting 'revenge' but I would have done it with only the weapons God gave me from birth. So I pretty much made that my daily endeavor for years and years just hoping that someday I would cross paths with the guy respondsible.

But like I told Alevie - the big event finally happened and with it I've put all that stuff behind me. There's a bunch of other stuff Birch but if you hold on to it 'it destroys you'. For now I'll spend some time with my brother during family reunions 'for my parents sake' - when they die I'll have nothing to do with him. It's not that I hate him Birch and I honestly don't want him 'going to hell' - but I'm not going to hurt him and being any where near him is too awkward; it's just too much BS to deal with.

 

[Steadygain]

Wow - THANK YOU !! so much for your beautiful and heartfelt testimony. I'm sorry I haven't had time to elaborate on any of my details and in retrospect it's all kind of 'water under the bridge'.

There are at least 3 times he did try to kill me:
When I was 4 or 5 - he set a broken chair on the back porch at the top of the stairs and offered me a seat. This really stuck out because there was only one chair and instead of grabbing it he actually offered it to me. So maybe YOU can appreciate how honored I felt and how happy I was to sit in that chair. Immediately I fell down the stairs backwards and it was by far the scariest event up to that point in my life. I was so relieved I stopped tumbling and doing backwards summersaults when I hit the bottm cement step that I didn't even cry when I felt blood dripping from a cut on my forehead.

In fact I felt immense relief that 'IT WAS OVER' and only as I started up the stairs did he point his finger and say "I'm glad you got hurt and was hoping you'd die". It was a very strange event because it was the first time I ever had to think that not only would he deliberately try to 'really hurt me' - but all the more 'that he could actually want me to die'. He went on to say he would tell Mom I got hurt so she wouldn't believe what really happened. So the worst part was feeling abandoned by my mother.

When I was 5 or 6 he (and a neighbor) hung me by the ankles and left there to die. He told me blood would rush to my head and my lungs would fill with blood and when they found me I would be dead with a puddle of blood on the ground that dripped out of my mouth.

I remained quiet - and wondered how long would he really leave me. He walked down the road, up on the bank - waved good bye - and ran down the other side to play. It was a very terrifying ordeal knowing I'm going to die and being helpless. Eventually I started screaming so loud that my screams echoed from the houses and someone came (adults) and got me down.

When I was 7 he lead me to walk into a huge yellow jackets nest and I had to run a half a mile home. The whole way he taughted me over and over. His taughting made me so mad that at times I would stop running and scream at him to 'shut up'. He 'with a delightful smile' would tell his friend 'watch he's going to fall - the next sting will kill him'

I was covered with bee stings from head to toe and all my pockets were stuffed with bees.

So - PLEASE KNOW - I am not trying to justify holding a grudge against him or portray him as a 'bad and evil person'. The fact is he is my brother and I do love him and I'd give anything to know his heart and life are OK. I have prayed for 'forgiveness' many times before and I don't think the problem is my lack of forgiveness. The problem is much deeper and there doesn't seem to be any shread of remorse and never has been - and for years and years he forced this competitive BS on me throughout my schooling from day one and had this condenscending way about him.

So it's a harder situation with me. It's not that I hate him or want anything bad to happen to him. I'm simply more at peace without being around him. I'm just not 'a game player' and I don't feel right having to act like everything is cool.

I honestly appreciate your message a whole lot and it's one I'll hold on to. GOD is wonderful and only God can bury all this stuff and make it right - and I'm still holding on to that shread of hope. But over the years I'm finding it easier to live my life and let him live his.

 

[Buster]

Steady my friend..

Pardon my saying something about your brother..But, he needs his balls cut off and stuffed down his throat...Period..

If I may borrow your thread here..


One time in my very early life (preteen) I was accused by this kid name Charlie Sandburg that I had chopped on an old widow woman's prized apple tree..Needless to say when she confronted me with it and banished me from ever walking or playing in her yard again, I was flabbergasted and asked her where she got this bogus information..She told me Charlie told her, he seen me doing the chopping...

Some days later after the hurt of being falsely accused of something I didn't do, I got mad, then madder as I thought about it more...

A while later, I was able to corner the little bastard in the woods out back of his house where he had been hiding from me when I came around looking for him....Well let's just say, he never told a lie again about anyone..I didn't stop beating on him until he was coughing up blood from the broken tooth he swallowed..and that was after three other boys pulled me off him..I was blind with rage and I wanted him very close to death at that moment..He had ruined a wonderful relationship between me and that old lady, who always gave me a handful of candy on Saturdays when I would bring her mail to her from the mailbox..

Bottom line..Even today..My biggest and the thing that will set me off faster than a speeding bullet, it to accuse me of something I didn't say or do.....So look out, I'm afraid a knuckle sandwich is coming your way if you do..




Okay sorry, I digressed ...Breathe, ....Breathe....

 

[Show-me]

I'm a eye of both of your eye's kind of guy. :blink:

 

[Steadygain]

Steady my friend..

Pardon my saying something about your brother..But, he needs his balls cut off and stuffed down his throat...Period

Buster - I will share some words of wisdom expressed from the heart. This is excellent in that it includes the 'Bigger Picture'

My point in telling you this story is that our brothers are put on this earth to help us become the men we were meant to be. They do things to us, and vice versa, as part of a much bigger plan that we will only realize once we are no longer of this earth. It sounds as though you have come to terms with your brother and are not letting it destroy you. That is good, as you no doubt know, but take it a step further. When you pray at night, tell God that you forgive your brother for the horrible things he did to you and ask Him to heal all wounds that remain. You'll never forget what happened, but you'll be a better man for forgiving him.

The YOUNG ONE

There is something very similar to this expression in the Bible and it essentially says 'All things will work out for the Glory of God and in the long run everything works out for the best - for those who Know God and Live for God's Glory'

The 3 Big Events I revealed to you 'Attacked the Young One' and with each one the Young One became incredibly hidden. You see 'The Young One' is the most sacred part of our existence and by far the most valuable. So in REALITY - what he did was prepare me for something far Greater and in fact the most wonderful and blessed life possible. Little did he (or I ) realize that these acts of hatred would make me become a far greater person and uniquely designed to bring out the YOUNG ONE and florish in that existence. The Wounds and Scars that formed are the very means by which I can connect with others so deeply and as hard as it may sound to believe in the end what he did for me 'was the greatest and most perfect thing he could have done'

Similar to Joseph - sold in Slavery

will continue later

BUT - no my friend My Brother deserves the greatest praise and admiration for what he did to me and had it not been for these events - and many that the world itself brought that are similar to yours - I would not be who I am; see LIFE as I see it and know the riches that are in store

 

[Steadygain]

THE YOUNG ONE continued ...

Rigid or Flexable
Solid or Moldable

If we are to be Rigid or Solid in anything it should limited to only a very few Fundamental and Unchangeable Aspects of our Existence and the Reality of our Universe.

God - is God Alone - with the most Perfect Love Possible and is wholly POSITIVE. Everything that exists is only because God brought it into being and ALL LIFE is because God sustains it.

Every form of LIFE is sacred and every person is equally precious and priceless. If we ever come to believe that this person (or group of people) are 'inferior' or 'less (or more) precious or priceless' than ourself it is only because we 'LACK UNDERSTANDING' and forget the truth.

Only as we lose this understanding can we regard one another and treat one another in a hostile, unloving, uncaring, or less than desirable manner.

So the quest is not to Validate or Justify why we have the right to be distant from our brothers and sisters but to Validate and Justify why we should LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY and to let ourself be FLEXABLE and MOLDABLE in every way, shape, or form until we are finally brought into the LIGHT of TRUE UNDERSTANDING.

It is only in the very recent past that I have come to know the YOUNG ONE and in knowing this LIFE it all the more stands out why the 'Tragic Events' of the Past made it possible for me to not only recognize this Being but all the more to Bring it to life and fully complement its existence.

So throughout the years I prayed 'for Forgiveness' but without 'understanding' that's probably impossible. But once things come 'to LIGHT' - you achieve more than forgiveness; for you realize that GOD was able to make something WONDERFUL out of something horrible.

While an infant she was in a car accident with resulting fractured vertebraes that left her in constant pain for life - YET it gave her the Gift and largely made her what she is.

In the prime of her life - in her early 20s she was in a car accident with resulting lifelong difficulties - YET it made her more determined than ever and largely made her what she is.

'Lean not on your own understanding - (because we don't have the ability to fully understand) - but Trust fully in God - and God will bring you to understand.

 

[wwwtractor]

http://delicious.com/wwwtractor/bible

Several versions linked there.

BibleGateway.com: A searchable online Bible in over 50 versions and 35 languages.

 

[Steadygain]

Steady my friend..

If I may borrow your thread here..

My thread is your thread - my home is your home

I knew there was a reason I choose you to be one of my daughter's body guards - and obviously I made a very good choice. CB and Birch also did very well.

Let's get to the BIG EVENT. When I started Karate it was more for balance and general physical/mental health. I had no clue that as you advance in Mind/Body Control you equally advance to levels that most would consider 'humanly impossible'. It all boils down to ENERGY and all objects are filled with it and the air itself is filled with it. At some point you are able to control all energy - and ultiize every aspect to your advantage. You are able to multiply the energy within yourself - and double it's power every second - and with each successive second it doubles again. You are also able to transform the energy from everything around you to build your own energy higher and higher. Only after you have mastered this level are you able to accomplish your full potiential and do many things that most would say (and believe) are humanly impossible.

Until the day I left the Army I made a point of being fully prepared and totally charged. I did hundreds of push-ups daily on my own and at a minimum knocked out 50 at a time. Everyone who knew me knew this was part of who I was and no one thought anything about it when I knocked out 50 and then continued whatever conversation or activity we were doing. Sometimes I just 'got the hunch' and whenever I did the push-ups followed.

When I left the Service I was determined to put that mindset totally behind me and return to 'civilian - peaceful - Godly man'. I started college immediately after discharge and in turn became as passive as possible - read my Bible, prayed and prayed, and strove with everything to lead a quiet and peaceful life. I did not in any manner try to tell anyone else how to live; but a soccer player in my suite did not like 'my goody two shoes' lifestyle and one night about 2 in the morning kicked open my door - walked over to my bed - slammed a bottle down on my desk (which was at head of my bed right next to my head) and proceeded to call me all kinds of names and made it very clear he was going to do me 'bodily harm'.

At NO POINT in my entire life could I have been more ready for this. He represented everything I despised and he embodied all the Bullies of the past and all the more was an example of someone who would attack me and harm me EVEN THOUGH I WAS COMPLETELY INNOCENT.

As soon as he kicked on the door I began doubling my energy and every second thereafter it doubled and doubled and doubled for at least 2 full minutes. I was getting frustrated because I wanted to respond with every particle of my being - but until I was fully charged I could not respond so I just laid there on my stomach not moving a muscle listening to him telling me to get up and emphasizing what a wimp I was.

Then I sprang out of bed in one quick move - flying about 6 feet in the air and landed 4 feet from my bed right next to this guy and 100 thousand billion percent ready to fight.

 

[nnuut]

ETI!!! :nuts: View attachment 6658 View attachment 6659

 

[Steadygain]

To be a 'combat soldier' you either have to shut God totally out of your life and carry on as though God does not exist - or acknowledge God does exist but 'put God on hold' and make it clear that you can't deal with the baggage and do the job you're meant to do; be what you're meant to be, and accomplish all the things you're meant to accomplish if God (and what God represents) is in the picture.

The first denies God's existence and likely ends that way; never acknowledging all you were meant to acknowledge and finding all the wonderful aspects you were meant to find.

The second (which I choose) removes the baggage and lets you do whatever you need to do. Just to let you know how I worked; it made no difference if it was an innocent by stander or the actual targets - there was no hessitation on my part and any kind of hessitation would have likely made the Mission Fail and got our guys killed. In this aspect the movie was off - kind of a love story - in real life it wouldn't have made any difference because you don't have time to 'think' or 'contemplate' - especially if it's a target. So you learn to reduce things to the bottomline - physics and chemistry - ENERGY - and incorporating that in everything you do. Whether by hand or using a weapon - you quickly and effectively learn how to neutralize (or destroy) any potientially opposing forces.

For the destroyer - this became an increasingly easy task. For the recuser it became increasingly complicated. Anyone that has been neutralized 'or destroyed' - is meant to remain in that condition as the destroyer transforms 'energy' in the most destructive manner.

Only in this light can anyone appreciate what combat is like. If someone is hurt - usually it is a major injury (or injuries) and the more energy dispenced (whether by explosives or force of attack) the more permanently the individual is out of commission.

In this aspect God has nothing to do with it - other than being the supplier of all life and energy. It is not that God advocates energy being used in destructive manners - or that God withholds healing to any receiving destructive energy imparted by others. It simply boils down to WHAT IS - IS - AND IT CAN BE USED FOR GOOD OR BAD and we have the freedom to do whatever we want to do.

So I made a vow with God - 'Remove the baggage and let me do my job - for this is what I am - and when I get out I'll return to You'.

The baggage was removed - but I had a very hard time finding God no matter how much I read the Bible, no matter how much I prayed, and no matter how quietly and peacefully I tried to live my life. I had been a 'soldier' for years and had not been out of the Army for even a month when this event occured. I had long held to 'my own strength and my own power' and it never failed me.

In this situation I never said anything to this guy - never in the slightest manner gave him any kind of incentive to want to harm me. I think from his perspective I just came across as 'too much of a goody two shoes' as 'too easy a target' and he took advantage of the situation.

Unknown to me - the whole soccer team was waiting outside my door in the hallway to step in and help the guy 'just in case' - and I came to realize this was some kind of 'initiation' and somehow I (as usual) got picked at the target.

 

[WorkFE]

Pro Deo et Patria

"The Soldier's heart, the Soldier's spirit and the Soldier's soul are everything. Unless the Soldier's soul sustains him, he cannot be relied on and will fail himself, his commander (and) his country in the end."

General George C. Marshall