Steadygain's Account Talk

[Steadygain]

My disease - which has a high degree of Obsessive Compulsive features has been ongoing for many years. I can't help but believe that the traumas of my childhood - especially being told how I was going to die when I was hung and left alone and others along those lines of suffering - are largely to blame for that huge void that resulted. Prior to that I was a beautiful person full of life and love and my identity was wholly wrapped up in the center of God and the actual belief that I was incredibly special and wonderful.

I'm not saying any of this for sympathy or encouragement or for anyone to respond in anyway. I am simply saying this to let everyone know that it has largely been one thing (This site and the bonds/relationships that developed) or another that have largely dominated my life. Ann and I have been to various counselors over the years and most of them were a waste of time. Now we are seeing a Social Worker who specializes in my Disorder and it's the first time I'm honestly understanding who I am and why I have lived the way I have lived throughout the years.

Here I strived to be as real and open as possible and hope for the best. Somehow (by the Grace of God) the aspects of my life that make me more attractive stuck out to some and very powerful bonds developed. I would say in the deepest sincereity that some of us became everything to each other and were largely exactly what the other needed. So over time I believe many miracilous events transpired and these events all the more made me feel discovered and with that discovery I became happy and fulfilled. I can not pick one of you over the other. Birch is my big brother and Squalebear is my lttle brother - and that kind of position is so incredibly sacred that it's hard to put something along those lines. BUT IN ALL TRUTHFULNESS there are many others that are equally important and some I barely know - but I have had a wonderful influence on many of the people here and most of you have had a huge influence on me. I've been describled as the Gem that holds the MB together and here I would say the other Gems are equally important (if not more so). We all are important and I have never been above (or below) anyone else. In all truthfulness the whole basis for me writting now is to disclose HOW SICK I REALLY AM and why it is so important for me to find myself and become the person others have longed to know - especially my wife and children. SO THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME DISCOVER THAT I REALLY AM "A GEM" - FOR LOVING ME AND HELPING ME TO GROW. Most of all I thank you for granting me the priviledge of becoming a wonderful part of your lives. If there is anything even remotely special about me or in any manner any of you have found me attractive IT IS GOD ALONE AND HIS WONDERFUL GRACE AND GLORY SHINING THROUGH - and if God can do this with me - HE COULD ALL THE MORE DO IT WITH YOU. It is the most simple basic truth that is far removed from all rules and regulations and chruch doctrines. Simply accept GOD as GOD and believe that GOD EXISTS - and allow GOD to be discovered in you. Once that seed of FAITH connects you to the Spirit of Jesus then the acknowledgement of who you are becomes fully realized. We are all flawed in various ways BUT GOD LOVES US JUST AS WE ARE and GOD ALONE CAN TURN THOSE WEAKNESSES INTO SOMETHING WONDERFUL. I desperately need to discover who I really am and fill the void here at home. The counselor tells me to be HONEST - EVEN IF IT HURTS - "BE PAINFULLY HONEST" and without that you live too many lives and your worlds vary too much. SO - PLEASE PRAY FOR ME - THAT I CAN FIND THE ONE WORLD I NEED AND LIVE ONE LIFE AND BE HAPPY AND CONTENT WITH THAT ONE PERSON. All the more let that one person be everything that Ann, my children, my extended family, and the world at large most benefit with.

My sincerest love and gratitude to everyone. I LOVE YOU WAY MORE THAN I EVER EXPRESS.

Tom and Moderators - I especially thank you for bringing this site into being and the incredible loyality and devotion involved with maintaining it.

My deepest love and gratitude,
Rick

 

[Guest2]

Rick (Steady),

Not that you need me to say this (you already know), but your priorities
have always been in the right order. You've been a blessing to every
member who got the chance to know you. Words on paper (web pages)
can't express the feelings that run so deep for many of us. Those that
follow you and your writings knew this time was coming. It was only a
matter of time. Tom should make you a Honorable Lifetime Member in
appreciation for all your contributions. We can only hope that you find
a minute, from time to time, to throw us a ShoutOut on occassion. For
all that you bring and all that you gave, I wish to Thank You !

 

[Birchtree]

Steady,

Please accept my heartfelt response also - you don't need to go anywhere. Life is the way it is, even for a warrior. Just continue forward like any other day. As Spaf would say, any day above ground is a good day. I still need your solemn words to convince me I shouldn't be riding the bull. See you later.

 

[nasa1974]

Steady,

I think we need to upgrade you to Reverend Steadygain or at least Chaplain. I have been a short time member but when I need a spiritual uplift it is your posts I search for. Your honesty and selflessness is admired by many. You truly have my respect as well as others. When I was in the Air Force and needed guidance it was the Chaplain I talked to. You are no different my friend (I am blessed that I can call you a friend) because your guidance and wisdom lead many of us in the proper direction.

I SAY WE PUT IT TO A VOTE.

Steady my friend the FORCE is truly with you.

 

[justbizness45]

Steady,

I think we need to upgrade you to Reverend Steadygain or at least Chaplain. I have been a short time member but when I need a spiritual uplift it is your posts I search for. Your honesty and selflessness is admired by many. You truly have my respect as well as others. When I was in the Air Force and needed guidance it was the Chaplain I talked to. You are no different my friend (I am blessed that I can call you a friend) because your guidance and wisdom lead many of us in the proper direction.

I SAY WE PUT IT TO A VOTE.

Steady my friend the FORCE is truly with you.

I vote Aye, and Amen

 

[Moonshadow]

Thank you for your inspirational words, Rick. You've helped many people. Now it's time for you to focus on yourself and your family because that's where your true source of strength and delight lives. God bless you always, and have a wonderful holiday season.

 

[Frixxxx]

I've been describled as the Gem that holds the MB together and here I would say the other Gems are equally important (if not more so). We all are important and I have never been above (or below) anyone else.

Rick,

I'm a lump of coal, and I've bamboozled the wife into thinking if she hugs me hard and often enough, I'll turn into a diamond. So since I get about 50 hugs a day from her: I give one to you!

Believe me, you and me and all our friends will shine down on the world one day!!!

Stay true, Stay focused, and above all, STAY STEADY!!!!!

 

[nnuut]

You've many friends here Steady, just give us a holler. We all have trying times, it's part of life, all we can do is the best that we can do. You're a really a very intelligent person with loads of talent, doing your best should me more than enough to work your way through this.
Keep the faith
Norman

 

[RonUSPSretired]

Rick (Steady),

Not that you need me to say this (you already know), but your priorities
have always been in the right order. You've been a blessing to every
member who got the chance to know you. Words on paper (web pages)
can't express the feelings that run so deep for many of us. Those that
follow you and your writings knew this time was coming. It was only a
matter of time. Tom should make you a Honorable Lifetime Member in
appreciation for all your contributions. We can only hope that you find
a minute, from time to time, to throw us a ShoutOut on occassion. For
all that you bring and all that you gave, I wish to Thank You !

Amen to that, my prayers are with you.--Ron

 

[CountryBoy]

TSP Bear Cheerleader​

I picture me being a cheerleader like I picture Birch, CB, and Buster being 'Flying Ballerinas' ​

BUT on this SITE any thing can happen. ​

RAH RAH RAH - DOWN WITH THE MARKETS - HIP HIP HORRAY ​

Jobless Numbers are expected to exceed 3 million by mid 09.​

Everything up to this point has mainly been done to salvage the Financal Sector 'in hopes of keeping the Economy going' and avoiding a PAINFUL RECESSION. ​

A Recession would not be OFFICIAL until the present quarter. Over 500,000 jobs lost last month. 32,000 something involving the Financial Sector. Now Citibank is expecting to let over 50,000 go. ​

Look at jobs evaporating; consider the BROAD CONSUMER CONFIDENCE BEING SHATTERED; Watch how consumer spending dwendles; watch the GDP. ​

Above everything else look at the underlying FUNDAMENTALS and honestly see if things have changed for the better or the worse over the past year (the rate going from over 5% to 1%). Well over $ 3 Trillion in bail outs already. BUT LOOK HOW MUCH THE MONEY FOR BAIL OUTS HAS INCREASED SINCE 10/08.​

So RAH RAH RAH - I have no doubt that we have desperately needed a REAL BOTTOM and have not come close to where the BOTTOM NEEDS TO GO. Are we over sold?? Of couse we are - BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE. The only way the Markets can honestly take off from a firm foundation is by letting the Markets go to the BOTTOM that the FED, Treasury, and Global Governments have done everything possible to avert. ​

So I will shake my pom poms and cheer the BEAR :toung::nuts:​

For now I'll sit back and wait for 620 - 650 and clip my heels togehter, close my eyes and say "There's no place like G, There's no place like G, There's no place like G" ​

Hey Steady me a Flying Ballerina, maybe in my HS days, but I'd have to lose at least 30 # to get there. :laugh: But seriously, you're not the only one confused on how the market is reacting, especially on days of horrendously bad news. I believe we'll come out of this, but I now believe it'll be in 2010.

I just can't get it out of my mind that there is something or someone bigger and darker pulling the strings to our economy and what is happening is planned and we are just pawns to be moved. Yeah I got my tin foil hat on now, but something doesn't make sense. Being so close to posssibly retireing, I also prefer CP in the G fund with the occaasional foray out, though I'm still buying stocks as funds are available in my individual account since our ROTHs are full for the year, so I guess I'm hedging my bets, that way, but at least I can choose how to lose money in my ROTH's.

So hang in here with the rest of us, cause there's good company here and we'd especially miss ya and your enlightened words if you left.

CB

 

[wv-girl]

I just can't get it out of my mind that there is something or someone bigger and darker pulling the strings to our economy and what is happening is planned and we are just pawns to be moved. Yeah I got my tin foil hat on now, but something doesn't make sense.
CB

I am glad someone else feels that way. The government's reactions is what is not making any sense. They know what will and won't work. I wonder who is pulling their strings? The Fed Reserve? The IMF? A combo?

 

[CountryBoy]

I am glad someone else feels that way. The government's reactions is what is not making any sense. They know what will and won't work. I wonder who is pulling their strings? The Fed Reserve? The IMF? A combo?

If it's a tin foil hat conspiracy thing, then I feel like it's more of a UN world type group or Soros types thoughout the world who crave the power to be lord and king. The IMF is a good choice.

If not, then we continue to elect the dumbest, most inept people in our country for politcal office. Which is possible since 99% of them have never produced anything that added any benefit to the country. All they know is how to spend our money. The car czar is just the latest sitcom, we call congress. They'll probably pick someone whose never been inside a car plant or any plant for that matter and wouldn't know a good businness plan from a roll of toilet paper. :laugh: That's the major thing that is wrong with this country, no common sense in our pols.

CB

 

[Steadygain]

Steady,
Energy begats energy be it positive or negative. Try light as your source of energy as we are children of god whose light are beacons to those less fortunate who have not found him yet.

A REAL CHRISTMAS STORY - PART 1 ​

After a 12 hour drive we went to a gas station near the Illinois border to fill up with gas (which is 10 cents cheaper).
Cheapest gas was $1.46 It was 10:30 at night - cold and windy.


Betty, an 85 year old, was standing outside in front of the gas station with a young woman. Unknown to me, she came behind me and waited. When I turned around she looked up cheerfully and said, "Yes, that's a good idea, I want to get some gas". I knew she was confused and leaned in to smell alcohol BUT she had not been drinking.


I asked where her car was and she pointed to the car on the other side of the pump. So I told her she would have to pump it over there. She was bewiltered and just walked a few feet away standing there. Then the young lady she was standing with in front of the station pulled up in her car and told her to just drive down the road about 30 miles and she would get to her home town.

I was concerned about her tank being empty and her driving.

I walked up and told the lady I doubt she has gas. As it turns out the young woman found Betty had been at the station for 10 hours wondering what to do. The lady just got out of work and was heading home. She knew the town Betty was heading to BUT Betty did not know how to get home and had no family or friends to call.


I went to pump her gas and she did not have a credit card or any money. Poor thing looked bewildered so I filled her tank (and stressed my card was just what she needed). She looked so delighted. Ann and the girls has been watching everything from the time she first walked up behind me. Ann went and talked with the young woman and Emily joined us. I introduced Emily as her new grand daughter and said she would help her get home. She looked at Emily with great delight like 'WOW WHAT A MIRICLE'.

We got her address from her checkbook and put it in our GPS. Emily drove her car and Carrie went with them and sat in the back. They followed us to her house.

 

[Birchtree]

May the light of warmth shine on you and your family this Holiday season - you're a good man Charlie Brown.

 

[Moonshadow]

What a beautiful story! You were in that place for a reason, and you helped someone in need. Welcome back and I hope you and your loved ones have a beautiful Christmas!

 

[Steadygain]

A REAL CHRISTMAS STORY - PART 2​

Ann told me she noticed cigarette butts in the ashtray of her car. So I immediately began praying for Emily 'That God would somehow block her smelling - so the odor wouldn't bother her' AND I REPEATED THIS PRAYER occasionally throughout the 35 mile drive. ​

Emily has a very sensitive nose and allergies. She states she didn't have any problems the whole way and didn't notice any odor at all. Betty talked throughout the trip home about her job with Eli Lilly (the pharmaceutical company for 30 years); how she met her husband (a very handsome, charming man with green eyes) who was a few years older than her. He died 27 years prior. She talked about their children and grandchildren. As she passed some places she recognized Emily states she felt increasingly relaxed. When we approached her town she was delighted - but concerned because she didn't know how to get home. Emily assured her that we knew how to get there and she kept telling Emily 'WOW - I had heard people like you really live but never expected to find you. ​

Again Emily stressed that she knew so much about her life and as the trip went on the stress of the previous 10 hours disappeared and the happy (carefree woman) increasingly emerged. ​

When they pulled into her driveway - Emily states she responded like "Oh thank God, I'm finally home".

Thanks Birch and Moonshadow - and to everyone else ​

 

[Frixxxx]

Steady,

Merry, Merry Christmas.

May the season warm your heart and bring your family together for the celebration of the blessed event.

Birth of hope for the world and the acceptance of tolerance of others.

God Bless the Steady Family

Eric

 

[wv-girl]

A REAL CHRISTMAS STORY - PART 2​

Ann told me she noticed cigarette butts in the ashtray of her car. So I immediately began praying for Emily 'That God would somehow block her smelling - so the odor wouldn't bother her' AND I REPEATED THIS PRAYER occasionally throughout the 35 mile drive. ​

Emily has a very sensitive nose and allergies. She states she didn't have any problems the whole way and didn't notice any odor at all. Betty talked throughout the trip home about her job with Eli Lilly (the pharmaceutical company for 30 years); how she met her husband (a very handsome, charming man with green eyes) who was a few years older than her. He died 27 years prior. She talked about their children and grandchildren. As she passed some places she recognized Emily states she felt increasingly relaxed. When we approached her town she was delighted - but concerned because she didn't know how to get home. Emily assured her that we knew how to get there and she kept telling Emily 'WOW - I had heard people like you really live but never expected to find you. ​

Again Emily stressed that she knew so much about her life and as the trip went on the stress of the previous 10 hours disappeared and the happy (carefree woman) increasingly emerged. ​

When they pulled into her driveway - Emily states she responded like "Oh thank God, I'm finally home". ​

Thanks Birch and Moonshadow - and to everyone else ​

Please tell me that there is a part three.

 

[Steadygain]

A REAL CHRISTMAS STORY - PART 3​

As we began driving to Betty's house Ann felt she should call the police and have them take her to the hospital (or check in on her) and was about to dial 911.​

I told her that would be the worst thing to do. Being stuck out in the middle of nowhere for 10 hours with no clue what to do or how to get home would be nerve wracking. I stressed that Betty was like one of my common patients and the worst thing for her would be forced to a hospital psych ward and locked up. The thing she needed the most is the freedom to relax and the safety and peace of being home. So I had to promise Ann that I would not let anything happen to her; but first we needed to give her time to relax on the way home and see how she does when we get her home. ​

Ann wanted the police and Social Services and everyone right there at her house as we arrived, but fortunately it was late and all the offices would be closed. ​

Betty opened her garage door (remote control) and we went in to find a very clean place. We went in her house and found it very orderly. Her cat was inside and greeted us. A neighbor frequently watched out for her and brought her meals. She has memory lapses and needs help. Her kids (and grandkids were coming in for Christmas). ​

After visiting a few minutes we knew it was alright to leave her and you could tell she was so happy being home. So we said good bye and waited in the van and she came out a few seconds later to close her garage door - waved good bye and we saw her walk back in her house. SAFE AND SOUND. ​

A neighbor's house across the street had the lights on so Ann went up and told the neighbor what had happened and wanted to make sure Betty was alright. The neighbor knew all about Betty and the near by neighbor who frequently checked up on her. She said she would call him in the morning and they would watch out for her. ​

So we drove home feeling on top of the world. It is these unexpected services of love that really are the very best blessings we can know. Emily drove the van home, and I sat next to her. She said she didn't notice any odor at all and wasn't bothered in the least. Carrie said it was terrible and I appoligized to Carrie and told her how I kept praying for Emily (and forgot to pray the same thing for Carrie). As we drove on Emily began to smell her hands and needed the Germ X to clean them; then she noticed her clothes also had some odor BUT NOTHING WAS NOTED THE WHOLE WAY THERE. ​

Well Emily was on top of the world (as were the rest of us). Betty popped into our lives after a 12 hour drive home. She immediately found the man she needed to fill her tank; found a grand daughter she never knew that drove her car to take her home (and another grand daughter in the back for extra company). Ann got a lot of details in her VERY BRIEF encounter with the lady and Betty and knew her house as we pulled in from the butterfly decorations (which Betty told her she liked). ​

My parents were thrilled to have us at their Retirement Home and it was a wonderful trip. Had a nice dinner at my bother's house in Rockville, MD. ​

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone. I found out today that we get 2 days off for Christmas (my first time). ​

May all of you somehow come to feel my love for each of you - but far above that may you come to know the One who makes this love possible.

Thanks Eric - God's richest blessings to you (and yours) ​

 

[RonUSPSretired]

Wow, You listened and God sent you where you were needed!