Steadygain's Account Talk

[Steadygain]

This is the continuation......

Well at a different time I would have soaked it all up and gave her back even more - but at that moment it would have distroyed everything I had just communicated and I needed to let her know my hug and affection was meant for support, so I parted and went back to where I was sitting. You could tell Linda was hurt and that's the last thing I wanted to do. I told told her that comming off amphetamines would be very hard and really encouraged her to go to the hospital when she tried to stop. I assured her the hospital staff would be able to provide the medications and support she would need to help her, but it would still be tough. It was awkward after my hug event and I left a few minutes later. The next time I went back Linda was more hard and vulgar than ever and told me to get the F out of her house - (I honestly have no clue what happened that day, but if anyone does not want me around I will honor that and in turn show them I respect them). It was probably a month or so later I got a call from the hospital telling me Linda had been admitted and wanted me to know. So I rush over and visit her and am just thrilled to pieces she is getting the help she needs. I talked with some of the staff and they all told me she was "a real bitch" - "very negative and difficult" - so I go back and tell Linda that this crowd is nothing like the crowd she is used to and now more than ever she needs to let the softer side out. I went back several more times and the staff told me she was a lot better and were really enjoying her - but noted it was not an easy ordeal for her to go through. Of course I encouraged her all the more and I'm certain she could tell how proud of her I was. It was right about this time I finished school and already had a job lined up in Virginia and lost touch with her shortly thereafter. She is one I occasionally think about over the years.

 

[Steadygain]

Thank you my dear friend. That's taken from a 2 DVD Set made in 2005 which is my personal favorite. While watching the one you mentioned I'm so much like a little kid - filled with warm fuzzy emotions and totally in awe. He had so much fun with it and was so incredibly natural and full of life and beauty.
If God permits my dream of dreams - after I step out of darkness (so to speak) and onto the stage in a future year, then afterwards I will likely have my chace to do the grand performance I've longed for throughout my life. At this point I've decided to dress and look like the good guy in Lord of the Rings (wearing a wig of longer white hair very much like his and will probably wear an outfit somewhat similar as well). My plan is to begin the show with magic (or an illusion). As Hendrix made the white Statocaster his identity - I will make a black Gibson Flying V my identity. I plan to have this in an open box (to symbolize an open casket) with lights built around the upper edge so the audience can see the guitar laying in the box. I will be standing maybe 15 feet to the left at center stage bathed in blue light. Then I will stretch out my hands to summon the guitar which will slowly rise up out of the box (which symbolizes Hendrix comming to life) and float slowly over to me. As the guitar gets closer it will humm to life and build to feedback volume as I'm just about to reach it. At that moment the unseen band will kick in with a beat something like "the things inside the zoo" (I still have no idea what that song is) and the rest will be history. I don't see me moving around like Jimi (and I am not trying to copy his youthful movements at all) but I will undoubtly hold the guitar in a way that is Hendrix through and through and the sounds and music that come to life will ultimately be the greatest tribute to him that I could imagine and any listener familar with Jimi will fully recognize this. When I play I will not play anything Jimi played already, instead I will play as I believe he would play had he never died. So the sounds that fill the air will be varried and unique - they will be spellbinding and captivating - mixed with all kinds of rifts that all blend together to form a music that flows as the source of Hendrix's Spirit and then I can either die or flee out of the spotlight and contine a humble existence. Whatever I play will go down in history and for years to come Hendrix will once again be remembered. Mission accomplished.

 

[Steadygain]

I read in the news several months ago about an American who went to a country in Central America, set up shop in some very isolated island and started to entice male children to come and live with him. Looks like he either was a pedophile or was in the porno video business. So, as a result of that and other incidents, legally adopting children would be wiser than to have them coming and going, as people will become suspicious.

I attended a lecture shortly after starting my present job which dealt with a specific brain chemical. Some of the medications used in psychiatry can alter this chemical by causing it to be increased or decreased (as a side effect). The lecture elaborated on what happens if too much (or too little) of this chemical is present in the brain. As the chemical is depleted a person's sexual urges are eliminated and any behavior related to the sex drive is absent. It's funny as the one giving the lecture ended with all the side effects of having too little of this chemical (and what he perceived as serious side effects). I asked if there was a substance/chemical we could give that would essentially wipe out this chemical altogether or keep it extremely low indefinately. He looked at me very puzzled and I responed "I am thinking of repeat serial rapists or pedophiles, as they are obviously driven by too much of this chemical and the present modalities of incarceration and counseling don't seem to have any therapeutic benefit". He immediately tried to recuit me in his research team, but I declined. Please know that I personally would do everything possible to push for this process and believe the overall benefit to both the individual and society at large would far outweight the lawyers trying to block what they would call "the patient's rights". Other countries are already working on this and in the US chemical castration is already in place (but this process does little to change the underlying chemical responsible for their stong sexual urges and I feel that is the root of the problem). Anyway you touched on a subject I believe has what appears to be an excellent solution, but our legal system would presently block it.

 

[CorMaGa34]

No one could ever understand how I turned out the way I am or was able to survive the things I endured without knowing the most central grounding I had from birth.

Steady,

You are very fortunate to have been brought up with such human values. Imagine if everyone on the phase of the earth had such respect for others. Thanks for sharing with us.

Cornellia

 

[Steadygain]

There is something that naws away on me frequently - that happened years ago - I will hopefully be able to talk about later on.

Please don't think too highly of me, I have more than my share of problems and still feel bad for wreaking someone's life. I can't mention her name but she was really upset and troubled about her sex drive and honestly feared she lost it - (or at least the ability to enjoy it). So I asked her what the environment was like on her last encounter, which she described as situation I felt was the basis of the problem and reassured her - look how you were rushed into this place and how quickly it happened and then just left there a minute or so later. She was convinced something was wrong with her and very sincerely wanted help. She was a friend but we had never been sexually involved. I really wanted to help her but did not feel I could assess her condition without being intimately involved myself. She asked if I'd be willing and I told her of course; how could I turn her down. This was years back when sex was considered a pretty safe thing. Here you need to realize I was more determined than ever to make it the best experience and I gave her every once of my being - striving to let my life and energy move through her. After it was over she wanted a cigarette so we went in another room and she sat on my lap. She was hesitant to smoke for fear it would offend me - so I took the first puff (fortunately I was sitting down and it was the first puff) and told her it was fine. After a minute I asked her how it was, and she said she would never be happy with the mountain again. She went on to explain that she always hoped to get to the mountain - if she got there it was worthwhile and she was satisfied. She told me as soon as we started she was at the mountain - then she quickly went straight to the top and continued going up in the sky - above the clouds. Nothing like this had ever happened before. She then gave kind of a pathetic look - and seemed convinced the mountain would never be satisfying again. In otherwords - I ruined her and if she thought she was in bad shape before telling me her dilemma - is was nothing in comparison to what she now had to deal with. That was years ago and I moved to another state for a better job shortly afterwards. This is something that naws on me over and over - so trust me, I've done more than my share of harm. I think the last 3 events relating to ending my life messed me up for life. Anyway - the sweet side of me has never disappeared - but I am more messed up than you realize.

 

[Steadygain]

Today's chart reminds me of the giant amusement park at the WI Dells. You climb up 7 Stories high (much like today's gain), lay on your back with your arms folded over your chest - and plunge straight down (like the US Funds just did). Earlier today I was wishing I'd put everything in C - but now I'm glad I stayed in G.

 

[Steadygain]

On second thought - I wish I had been in the higher risk. It's hard to believe it sprang back after such a huge dive.

 

[CorMaGa34]

if she got there it was worthwhile and she was satisfied. She told me as soon as we started she was at the mountain - then she quickly went straight to the top and continued going up in the sky - above the clouds. Nothing like this had ever happened before. She then gave kind of a pathetic look - and seemed convinced the mountain would never be satisfying again. In otherwords - I ruined her and if she thought she was in bad shape before telling me her dilemma - is was nothing in comparison to what she now had to deal with.

Hi, Steady, trying to catch up on my reading... don't be so hard on yourself. What makes you believe that after that encounter she did not find someone else that made her sing FLY ME TO THE MOON during and after the fact? Be positive and think that you did what you thought was best for her at the time with the resources you had available to you.

I still believe you are a good guy no matter what anybody says...

 

[Steadygain]

You are very fortunate to have been brought up with such human values. Imagine if everyone on the face of the earth had such respect for others. Thanks for sharing with us.

Cornellia

Cornellia (and everyone else),
After sharing so much about my life I can now understand what I could not understand as a child. I believe my life had (or has) a certain beauty - and it is this beauty that others tried so hard to destroy (whether by killing me or constantly ridiculing me) and when I see things in this light it makes a lot of sense. As a child I could not see this and so I tried all the harder to be a better person because I thought I must be doing something wrong. But now I see why others would resent this beauty and I understand all the more how Jesus must of felt. In this sense I can identify with His sufferings and therefore I am honestly grateful for what I endured. You and this MB have helped me more than you could ever know and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will strive to let this beauty out all the more, because I know the source from which it comes. There are limits to how I should make this beauty known and when I bought out everything possible for this lady I am absolutely positive that no one else had ever done anything like that before. It is possible that someone else could do the same - or even go beyond what I did, but very few have the mindset or the energy to make it happen. She is not the only one to tell me this (but that is OK because for the moment I bought them a high level of happiness) and in her situation I more than proved she had not lost what she feared was gone. Anyway, by spilling everything out for hundreds to read, I was able to reflect on things more deeply and fully than ever before and in the end I am grateful for who I am.

Thank you and to all my deepest love and gratitude.

 

[CorMaGa34]

Steady,

Pardon if this is not the right forum to ask you this: I have a 16-yr-old nephew who two yrs ago was diagnosed with Jamz Syndrome (had 2 episodes in 05, 2 in 06 and 2 in 07). Dr. says it should disappear in his adulthood. Is this true?? I researched what internet has to offer, but would like your opinion and any pertinent comments, as I just remembered your disclosing about knowing chemicals or lack of affecting brain chemistry. He was not medicated but after last episode was prescribed some type of medication (don't know the name right now).

If answering these questions is going to take too much of your thread feel
free to PM me on this subject, I normally do not like to use it but this would be for a good cause.

Thank you!

Cornellia

 

[presskh]

Steady,

Pardon if this is not the right forum to ask you this: I have a 16-yr-old nephew who two yrs ago was diagnosed with Jamz Syndrome (had 2 episodes in 05, 2 in 06 and 2 in 07). Dr. says it should disappear in his adulthood. Is this true?? I researched what internet has to offer, but would like your opinion and any pertinent comments, as I just remembered your disclosing about knowing chemicals or lack of affecting brain chemistry. He was not medicated but after last episode was prescribed some type of medication (don't know the name right now).

If answering these questions is going to take too much of your thread feel
free to PM me on this subject, I normally do not like to use it but this would be for a good cause.

Thank you!

Cornellia

What is Jamz Syndrome? It doesn't show up on a Google search.

 

[CorMaGa34]

What is Jamz Syndrome? It doesn't show up on a Google search.

Presskh: As I understand it, some boys can develop this syndrome while they are growing up, affects their brain chemistry and if they are not fully, but fully awake when they get up, they have convulsions. I don't know of any other symptoms, those are the ones my nephew has had for the last 3 yrs. (2ea/yr).

 

[presskh]

What is Jamz Syndrome? It doesn't show up on a Google search.

Presskh: As I understand it, some boys can develop this syndrome while they are growing up, affects their brain chemistry and if they are not fully, but fully awake when they get up, they have convulsions. I don't know of any other symptoms, those are the ones my nephew has had for the last 3 yrs. (2ea/yr).

Sounds somewhat related to epilepsy.

 

[Steadygain]

Steady,

Pardon if this is not the right forum to ask you this: I have a 16-yr-old nephew who two yrs ago was diagnosed with Jamz Syndrome (had 2 episodes in 05, 2 in 06 and 2 in 07). Dr. says it should disappear in his adulthood. Is this true??
Thank you!

Cornellia

Cornellia, you are my MB Sweetheart - my #1, so ask anything.

Jamz Syndrome is known as Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy which usually starts at ages 12 - 16 (can develop 8 - 26).

SYMPTOMS: 3 Different types of seizures can occur
Myoclonic
Tonic Clonic
Absence

TREATMENT:
Many will respond well to anti-epileptic drugs

PROGNOSIS:
Most (8 out of 10) need to take medications the rest of their life, and when the medications are withdrawn (or stopped) the odds of seizure activity recurring is very high.

So to answer your question - I would say the doctor is offering a false sense of hope and I hope your nephew (and family) are not disappointed. However - without knowing the extent of abnormal brain activity (and the medication and dose) it is hard for me to know. The brain has it's last growth spurt in the early 20s - so it is possible this may be a healing period. The brain is extremely plastic (easy to reshape) which can be good (or bad) but offers the greatest potiential for long lasting hope and cure.

I am swamped with patients today - remember me the tomorrow morning as you're drinking your tea.

 

[Steadygain]

I worked at a large center for the mentally retarded for several years - and epilepsy is very common in this population. We (the medical providers) tried to strive for what is called the Minimal Effective Dose - which is the smallest possible dose that provides excellent therapy. We found many were able to cut their medication by 50% or more and continued without any evidence of seizures. Some had a history of very strong seizure activity but for 5 years or more had none at all. One was on a very lose dose of Phenobarbital, which is very old medication and the dose was so low that I felt it was worth a try to go off altogether. A few weeks later he began having seizures and it took awhile before we got them controlled and then he needed much higher doses. If your nephew were my patient and the seizure activity was under excellent control (especially if he was only on 1 medication and the dose was fairly low) - I would be more inclined to tell him the seizures should remain under excellent control as long as he takes it. Seizure activity is beyond the patient's control - it is a physical part of their brain's structure - and that structure will probably remain. His ability to live without seizures (even with medication) would far outweigh a life dominated by seizure activity.

BTW - I went 100% I Fund for the remainder of 12/07 - but that's a trivial matter.

 

[CorMaGa34]

Steady,

Thank you so much for your prompt response. My nephew is an average student, does better in some areas than others, i.e., high grades in physics, low grades in Geography, but nothing that by the end of the school year could harm his passing grades. He is a well-mannered, popular, likeable kid, excels at computers, and gameboy/gamecube competitions, excellent eye-hand coordination, so he is good at basketball, soccer goal-keeper, etc. He does much better when it comes to verbalizing and conversational skills, since he was a kid had an above average vocabulary and as one of our favorite topics of conversation are politics and the domestic/international social/economic situation of our countries, he really gets into it and can talk for hours on those subjects. He does much better at verbal exams than written.
He arrived yesterday to spend holidays with his sister's family here in the US. He takes EPIVALER 500 mg 1/day. I guess they prescribed it the first time but after several months the Dr. said it was ok to not take it.

Question: I found out about 5-HTP once and his mother asked the Dr if it was ok for my nephew to take it and he approved, saying there would be no contraindication. My nephew is fascinated with the effects of this supplement, said that for the first time he understood and remembered a lot of things explained by his teachers. Do you see any contraindication by taking both??

Thank you again for your input, Steady, you are a true friend!

Cornellia

 

[Steadygain]

Honey,
It is unlikely you will ever see me - and that's cool because I really enjoy the connection we have - and as my fantasy girl you can't possibly go wrong. I would really like to hear a lot more about your life experiences ... especially the different areas you lived and why Brazil is so warm to your heart.

Now don't do this because you have to; do it because you want to.

In order for me to give you professional medical advise on your nephew I will need some type of payment.

So send me a hug ( which is looks like this 0 )
And send me a kiss ( which looks like this X )

Send as many as you want and I will tell you what I think in regards to those medications. You did an excellent job describing his life and condition - and that is very important. OO XX O

 

[CorMaGa34]

Steadygain,

I just sent you a PM in reference to your message on the Os and the Xs. With all due respect... did you smoke something today?????? I thought that was part of your past life...

 

[CorMaGa34]

The OO XX O formation means that one receiver is running to the post, one receiver is running to the corner, and the third receiver is running a comeback pattern. He just wanted to see what kind of a defense you would use to stop his three receivers.

Hi, Paladin,

Ohhh... I see.... of course.... now.. why didn't I think of that???
It makes sense, Now I understand... Thanks for the clarification Paladin!

 

[CorMaGa34]

Hi, Steady,

Your message on the Os and Xs was fully explained and clarified by Paladin. It reminded me of my favorite quote by Frederick Perltz, and it goes something like this (from the German it was translated into Spanish and now I do my own translation into English, hope the meaning and intent are not lost):

YOU ARE NOT HERE TO RESPOND TO MY EXPECTATIONS,
I AM NOT HERE TO RESPOND TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS.
I AM I AND YOU ARE YOU.
IF BY ANY CHANCE OUR PATHS SHOULD MEET
AND WE CAN MAKE BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TOGETHER,
IT WOULD BE WONDERFUL...
IF NOT... IT DOESN'T MATTER.

This became my motto (Sociology 101) and I try to apply it to every area of my life (relationships, friends, co-workers, everything, including my TSP $). People who know me can't understand how I am always so serene and tranquil when everyone around me is yelling and screaming and expecting me to do the same, or behaving wildly for that matter: I quote Perltz and everyone stops trying to make me do stuff that I would do only if I feel like it.

Have a great day, same for everyone lucky enough to read this message today, it could change a lot of things in your lives forever!

Cornellia