Steadygain's Account Talk

[Steadygain]

No, we won't shut you down. You have become another valuable contributor to our little world.

Thank you!
Tom

Thanks Tom.

I may have worn out my welcome,
Driven some away with the stuff I've written, and
Made many wonder about my 2 month bad luck streak in the TSP.

But there are a few out there that seem to appreciate my openness and honesty and they have been like a sping of life to me.

 

[Steadygain]

My my my

I'm once bitten twice shy babe

I said ahh my my my

I'm once bitten twice shy baby

Isn't this a mess as my days go lean
Ya know that I'm going broke
while I'm countn'all the beans
I'm getting tired of messing around
Ya know I'm going back to G
before I really go down

I said ahh my my my

I'm once bitten twice shy babe

Ohh my my my

I'm once bitten twice shy baby

 

[tsptalk]

BTW Tom, I have been following the board for about 7 - 8 months or so and chime in from time to time. I wanted to say thank you for creating such an interesting and informative board for all of us interested TSP'ers. I know it must really take a tremendous amount of time and effort to keep the board updated and to make your daily comments. Your efforts are very appreciated!

Thanks presskh. While I did start the board, it has taken on a life of its own over the years and is basically run by our moderators. They deserve the credit. But yes, the rest of the site takes up a lot of my time.

 

[Steadygain]

Cornellia, my sweet precious sister and dear friend. That's what I'll call you until you correct me. I hope my other story wasn't too troubling for you and only just a few minutes ago realized how a fresh story like that would be hard to digest and simply dismiss. Please know it was many years ago and both my quest to know the brain through and through along with working in psychiatry has helped me realize a lot of things I would never have known otherwise. Also God has allowed time to kind of smooth it over and taught me His grace is more than sufficient.
I want to tell you about Piere Woods, a girl I grew up with. When I started kindergarden I already knew most of what they were teaching. I would count to 100 super fast when playing hide and seek and had to keep up with the older kids in order to be included. So by the time I started school I was way ahead. Throughout elementary school I remained at the bottom of the class -because the students there were a whole lot different from those in the higher levels. I started at the top but all the kids there only saw it as a huge competition. If I got higher grades then they acted like they wanted to spit on me - because I did better than them and I was nothing but a punk. So I was despised if I did better. When I got lower grades - then I was total trash and not worthy to even be in their space - get away you idiot. So very quickly I learned the top crowd was a bunch of bull s*** and the whole competition crap was nothing but complete garbage. The next level down was very similar to the top - but not as bad. That crowd however, made a point of ridiculing the lower group and patting themselves on the back for being above them. Still pretty much a bunch of garbage with kids motivated by tooting their own horns and belittling others. The bottom group were completely unpretentous - very accepting - and non competitive. Piere was in this group and so I knew her thoughout the elementary years. She is the one who taught me to inhale cigarettes. On this you need to remember I am wired like a man through and through - and so back then there was no way I could ever let a girl show me up. Well Piere had already been inhaling for quite sometime - so it was no big deal for her. The first time I did it - I got so dizzy - I had to sit down.
After elementary I lost touch with her and never gave her much thought. Towards the end of high school a group called Emerson, Lake, and Palmer were playing at the Baltimore Civic Center and some friends knew I was going. I had seen them before and really enjoyed it. Well my friend told me someone he knew was wanting to go and asked if I'd take her along with me. It turns out it was Piere and so of course I took her. Now I realize your adolesence was a lot less play than mine and it is highly unlikely you did a lot of the crazy stuff I did, but this was way back then and I'm sure by this time all that junk would have disappeared from my system. Piere had a silver cigarette case filled with marijuana cigarettes that had lines of opium that went down the surface.
So we go to the concert and shortly after getting our seats start smoking one after the other. Don't forget several years back I had to sit down when she taught me to inhale - so there was no way in hell she would out do me on this. All this will make more sense later on as you learn the bigger picture - but for now there are 2 very big events related to this concert. The first is me smoking these joints covered with opium for the first time in my life, and trust me these were way beyond the standard marijuana cigarettes I'd smoked in the past. After some time we are comming towards the end of her supply - so all the more I am taking the biggest puffs imaginable and super locking my throat to hold it in. As I'm taking this incredibly big puff - someone in the front row tried to grab an instrument from Keith Emerson. I didn't know this - I am concentrating on taking what may have been the last puff - so I am totally caught up on this. As soon as this guy went after Emerson they shut off the civic center lights and everything was pitch black. At this time my eyes were closing to concentrate on holding it in and I held it and held it with my eyes closed. I am so far beyond high at this point - I am more stoned than I've ever been in my life. So I open my eyes and I'm blind - totally blind - everything is pitch black. That was the scarest moment of my entire life. I was terrified - and fully convinced my vision was destroyed forever. The fact no one else seemed even remotely concerned all the more made me think this condition was limited to me. So the life drained out of me. I'm thinking how am I going to tell Piere I lost my vision, and what kind of wimp will she think I am. I'd never heard of anyone losing their vision. And I'm thinking how will we get home. What am I going to tell my parents and everyone else. Everyone is going to want to know what happened. As the seconds tick by - which seemed like hours - my desperation is getting worse and worse. Then the lights come back on - and I realize this whole time everyone in the entire place was in total darkness and all was quiet and cool like nothing even happened. The timing of that event could not have been more perfect and it wasn't long after that I gave it all up. Now it's hard for me to imagine even letting tobacco in my system, let alone marijuana or opium. But that event was a very big part of life and the other part is way more important. I will save that one for later but I do think you'll enjoy it and appreciate what I see as the destinity of my life, which is something I have longed for over the years and something I truly believe one day I will fulfill. So if it's in Brazil or where ever it may happen -when the day comes - you will understand why I must follow my destiny.

Have a wonderful weekend, and I hope your cup of tea was perfect.
Hoping you have the deepest and most wonderful happiness.
Rick

 

[FogSailing]

Steady:

I'm with Paladin..Keep posting friend..

FS

 

[CorMaGa34]

Steady,

Trying to catch up on my reading... After Reading about Barney and Mr. Evil all I can think of is that maybe the whole event with Barney's feelings of guilt and his getting mentally sick as a result, may have led you to pursue how the brain works, and enabled you to find out how to help more people like him and Mr. Evil.

Then I could not stop laughing at your latest story at the concert!!! LOL!!! That was a great account with so much detail I could not stop laughing about your losing your vision when the lights went out!!! I never smoked anything other than plain cigarrettes (only when it was the cool thing to do) so I cannot imagine the heightened feelings required to trascend into another level of whatever, or the euphoria that we read about.

keep your stories coming, they are really good and I agree in that you should write your memoirs, they may really turn out to be best-sellers! Have a great weekend everyone!

 

[Show-me]

A novel would be a great idea and a book I would buy.

 

[Steadygain]

Steady,

I would suggest that you start putting these unique episodes of your life into a novel, beginning with your earliest memory and going forward from there. Your writing style is a captivating read, with the concert scene being a perfect example of what I am talking about. At first I ignored these posts, but now I find the stories interesting as you describe various unusual events that appear to be unrelated but then are revealed to be interwoven into a larger tapestry. I am curious as to what happened to Piere Woods (the opiate-laced marijuana smoker) and I will wait for the next chapter.

Wow - what can I say. Thank you, honestly thank you for being such a huge blessing to me, a true encourager, and a source of inspiration. This is difficult for me to tell you - especially you - I have a hard time trusting people (at least in relation to me). I guess a part of me wonders if people really mean what they say or are they wanting to find how gulible I am (and in the end I'll only get hurt more). I don't want to do anything that would take from my 3 girls and living a quiet life of obscurity I feel is way better for them. I believe fame is part of my destinity (it is unavoidable) but it has nothing to do with my endeavor. Once I fulfill my destinity I hope to quickly return to a quiet life of obscurity. Fame and endless wealth are guaranteed if I allow it, but that would defeat the whole purpose and no one would be able to understand what the dream was really all about. It may be that you (and the others on this site) are in reality a huge event in my interwoven tapestry - that spur me to write a novel - who knows. For now this is all brand new to me and I will limit the story of my life to only this site. I have no clue what happened to Piere. We left on a bad note and the last time I saw her is when I took her home after the concert. She is part of the 2nd event that happened at the concert and that event was way too much for her to be associated with me - and from that moment on she was filled with rage and disgust (negative energy consumed her) and that's where it ended. No clue what she became or who she is - I can only hope she found true happiness and found the love and peace that we all long to find.

 

[Steadygain]

Steady:

I'm with Paladin..Keep posting friend..

FS

Thank you. The genuine love and acceptance I have found on this site is simply unbelievable. Tom has solidly shown his support and all the moderators have been wonderful. But the very best is Cornellia (and all the real friends like you) that honestly appreciate me for who I am and in turn connect with me in an inspiring and extremely blessed manner. Again - thank you and may you come to know His richest blessings.

 

[Steadygain]

Steady,

Trying to catch up on my reading... After Reading about Barney and Mr. Evil all I can think of is that maybe the whole event with Barney's feelings of guilt and his getting mentally sick as a result, may have led you to pursue how the brain works, and enabled you to find out how to help more people like him and Mr. Evil.

Then I could not stop laughing at your latest story at the concert!!! LOL!!! That was a great account with so much detail I could not stop laughing about your losing your vision when the lights went out!!! I never smoked anything other than plain cigarrettes (only when it was the cool thing to do) so I cannot imagine the heightened feelings required to trascend into another level of whatever, or the euphoria that we read about.

keep your stories coming, they are really good and I agree in that you should write your memoirs, they may really turn out to be best-sellers! Have a great weekend everyone!

I'm glad you enjoyed it Cornellia and I must admit I also laughed a little as I drifted to sleep last night - thinking about you laughing as you sipped your tea while reading my post. Mission accomplished

My endeavor to know the brain through and through was way more based on the fact that it remained almost a total mystery at the time it became my life goal. The masses were convinced it was a mystery because it was God's eternal secret and He would never let anyone touch it. Because our knowledge of the heart, kidney and other organs had no bearing on our Spiritual lives and in no way impaired our relationship with God - I was convinced the brain is simply another organ - but it is far superior to everything else and I was all the more determined to prove it could be known and in turn we could undoubtedly come to know the basis of our emotions and the thought patterns that shape our existence. Helping Mr. Evil or Barney was not my intention (perhaps understanding why people like this think and act the way they do was a big motivator). Amazingly enough, in the end I have found the basis behind what makes them behave the way they do and the reason why their thought patterns are so disrupted. I hate to take any credit - so let me say because I understand the chemicals involved and am aware of how one medication may alter those chemicals - God has blessed me with a knowledge that allows me to give these people a better balance and their lives (as well as those associated with them) are much better as a result.

You have a wonderful weekend as well, my sweet precious beauty.

Rick

 

[Steadygain]

A novel would be a great idea and a book I would buy.

What can I say that my previous posts today have not already expressed. Tom made a point of giving you and the other moderators a lot of credit for the beauty of this site and all it has to offer. If it were not for Tom and the moderators maintaining the integrity of this MB then I would never have had the opportunity to write as I have.

Thank You!!

 

[Steadygain]

I was being sincere about enjoying your concert story and the way you told it. Trust takes time, and I am not trying to set you up nor will I sabotage your thread. Why did you use the words "especially you" - I find that very interesting and I promise to keep it confidential. In any event, now you have me (and others) interested in the 2nd event that happened at the concert and why Piere left filled with rage and disgust. Please take your time...maybe tell us sometime next week. Thanks.

My reason for saying "especially you" is because your sincerity is so obvious and it was very easy to recognize your words are true, your heart is good, and you are a real friend. When someone like you and Cornellia come along it creates a connection that I can tell is true. Those bonds are way stronger than the general mistrust I may have in general. My opening statement to you says it all - having to admit to mistrust or being leary - is especially difficult for me to say to you and all those like you because you are one of the few I do not mistrust.

I will get to the second event and explain everything relating to what I see as my ultimate destiny - the dream of dreams.

 

[Steadygain]

To Dream

the impossible Dreammm

To Beat
the unbeatable Fooooeee

and now for Part 2 in the chronicles of the weird and wackey

 

[Steadygain]

Undoubtedly many of you will probably find this rather boring, so please fluff your pillows - close your eyes - and let someone else read this to you.

Jimi Hendrix taught me to play from the depths of my soul. From him I learned it is not a succession of notes or a progression of chords it is sound itself and that any sound or any tone can be altered in various ways. The ultimate end is playing from the core of your being - which in itself will break down all the barriers that limit the others. Music played in this manner is like the Avitar that West Virginia (WV girl) has on this site. The waterfall is formed from drops of water - each representing their own entity of a particular sound or a particular style - that all blend with one another; creating a smooth harmonious flow. The waterfall itself is filled with beauty and the steady rhythm which underlies the whole process gives it a natural, perfect, everflowing - smooth and steady movement. Without Jimi - I never would have known this and what I am today, in a very beautiful way, is because of him. He died just as I was beginning to grasp what his life taught me. I therefore ultimately devoted my life to carry his spirit and honor him to the highest extent. As time passed I found I really was playing in the spirit of Hendrix and doing things that earlier would have been impossible.
The first guitar competition I attended I barely played for 2 or 3 seconds before everyone got up and left the room, making comments like "That guy is a lot better than me, I'm out of here". As time went on I got better and better. I began to realize that my underlying devotion to him was more than a dream, it was real and now became my destiny. I was thoroughly convinced that down the road I would ultimately make this dream come true.
Here you need to realize I'm still just a kid in high school. This was like the ultimate dream of dreams, to get on stage in the spirit of Jimi Hendrix and give him one last opportunity to play like he had never played before - to totally blow everyone away. I came to fully believe that I was ready and would know when the time had come. I was a little superstitious and was afraid if I told anyone about my destiny (or ultimate dream) it may screw it up - so I told no one.
Now we are back in the Baltimore Civic Center with Piere. The band before ELP gave an open invitation. The lead singer said he could sense that someone in the audience was the ultimate guitarist. He said, "I know you're here and I invite you to come up on our stage and play with our band." I'm like totally blown away - this is my invitation - but might be awkward for Piere, so I just sat there thinking things through. A guy towards the front gets up and starts to walk - but the guy on stage tells him to sit down that he is not the one. Finally I realize this may be my only opportunity and if I fail to follow through I will have ruined my ultimate destiny. So I stand up and start to go up. Well Piere really flips out and starts screaming at me - telling me if I go up I will make her look like a total idiot and she will walk home and have nothing to do with me. That is like saying of course I know I'll probably get raped and even killed by trying to walk home, but I'd rather live with that than have anything to do with you. Well, she was my responsibility and I took her as a favor for a mutual friend - so I sat back down. Later I was struck blind and couldn't see my hand right in front of my face. In retrospect it was quiet (since the band stopped playing) and that all the more magnified my feeling of being blind. The thought of me walking up on stage made me a total piece of trash in Piere's eyes and even though things seemed OK through the concert, from the time it ended until I took her home she spat out poison and threw one imaginary dart after another - very hostile - consumed and flowing with negative energy. I honestly don't know what got into her - it was very strange - but I shrugged it off and rarely thought about it again. When I was in the Army in 1980 a friend of mine in my company played drums and when he found I played guitar we went down to a center to play together. A Marine was playing the other electric guitar and agreed to let us play with him. I scanned over the center to see how many were there - playing ping pong (or whatever) before going in our room to play. I said a quick little prayer "Please let me give them just a taste but don't let this take from the big one" and I felt it was OK. So I closed my eyes and let it all go - I gave no thought what so ever as to where my fingers were or what I was doing - I just completely flowed with any sound the other guitarist came up with and within 20 seconds the door flew open and everyone in the center was pouring in the room looking like they had just seen the clouds open up and actually looked into heaven itself. You should have seen their expression - everyone one of them had the same expression. All of them filled with excitement and anticipation. Well this was a private thing and I was only allowed to give the 2 in the room a taste - not the whole crowd; so I immediately stopped playing and directed everyone's attention to the other guitarist and said something to convince them that he was the object of their admiration. On that note I quickly packed up and said I had to leave.

 

[Steadygain]

Have you given any thought to joining a local band in your area? One tryout should be enough to show them that you can effectively jam with the entire group.

I liked Hendrix but to be honest I have not heard too much of his stuff. Dylan was the one who completely blew me away with everything he wrote and performed, and still does to this day.

Dylan was acoustic (non-electric) with more of a folk sound. I would say at least 90% of the songs I've written and played over the years would be described as Dylan like in the overall quality. The only guitar I've played in many years has more of a Dylan sound. He also was a big influence.

Hendrix was electric - but more than electric - his was ultra cranked to feedback and distortion. You would need a really good stereo to honestly appreciate his capability. Hendrix was able to literally make missles and rockets fly in the air while playing the Star Spangled Banner and make guns fire and bombs come crashing down - yet not miss the flow of the song regardless of the detours. Strickly as a guitarist - no one could ever create more sounds and put a person more in awe than Jimi. But your point is very well taken, if you weren't into Hendrix (and many were not) and you find his music less than appealing - then you could never really appreciate the depth of my longing and desire.

I would never try to play in a band or let anyone know about my ability until that day arrives in the future. This is the first time I've ever revealed this aspect of my life. I will remain in low profile - living in humble obsecurity - until the big day arrives. Fortunately it is not something I have to practice - I don't even have an electric guitar - it is part of me; it is my existence. When certain songs come on the radio the Hendrix in me comes to life and I guess my skills are ever expanding. But in the situation I've told you about - I am the guitar and what I am holding simply becomes a part of me - the sounds people will hear are not comming from the 6 stringed instrument - they are comming from deep within my soul and my mind is only there to shape the sound and make it move in different directions.

 

[Steadygain]

Piere's reaction is hard to understand. She should have been honored to have you play onstage with the band at such a big concert. .

Piere was one of the highlights of my life and I don't want to leave off on a bad note. Everyone needs to remember that she and the others in the elementary group were the first people to fully accept me and we all encouraged each other to be real and have fun. That group was very cool and we looked out for each other. Piere was full of life and had a way of getting activities going. If anyone showed me how cool and fun girls could be, it was definately her. She and I had a lot of fun over the years and I was as natural with her as with any of my guy friends. One year she had an all girl party at her house (probably birthday) and tried to get me to come. I'm like you gotta be kidding me - are you trying to make me look like a total idiot. There is no way in hell I would go to an all girl party. I'm quickly trying to make her realize how everyone's going to react when they see me walk in. Like what am I supposed to say, "Oh hi girls, I heard it was an all girl party and thought I'd drop in". But Piere's brain worked super fast and she instantly realized if she talked a few of my friends into going then I'd probably go since I wouldn't be the only guy. Two minutes later she comes up with a few my good friends and says OK it all planned out, you 3 are to show up at 12:30. But I remind her it is still an all girl party so what is her mother going to think when she sees us at the door. She quickly tells me about "crashing the party" (a term I'd never heard before) and how that is like the coolest thing possible. It means if you're a guy you can go to an all girl party (that you don't need an invitation) you just show up. Well this was her party and she is telling us exactly what time to get there so I agreed to go. I still was a little leary about her mom just telling us it's an all girl party and in turn telling us to go home. She assured me she would have everything under control - so we went and had a good time. We made Taffy and that was the only time I ever did that. Of course when we arrive Piere's all lit up and pointing out to all her friends how "we are crashing the party" - her mother wasn't about to pop her bubble - so it all turned out well. At the end of 6th grade she had a graduation dance at her house and that's where I learned to hold up a girl's hand and spin her around and kind of go back and forth with each other. I'd already mentioned that I smoked to be cool but Piere was the one to notice I didn't inhale and showed me how much cooler it looked when you did. Apparently everyone else inhaled but I didn't know how to do it. The big thing was in the 8th grade when Piere decided the ultra cool thing is losing your virginiy. I forget who she did it with - it was someone who was briefly popular - but I do remember thinking it was a big mistake and she's probably look back on that with regrets the rest of her life. Well in the brief course she was thrilled "to get her trophy" and decided to help some others get theirs. She was close to Stephanie, who was a little rough around the edges, low caliber, ditzy, and not very smart - but she was absolutely gorgeous. She would have had the best body in the class - matured - beautiful. Piere could easily talk her into anything and in no time convinced her to lose her virginity. Once Stephanie fell into Piere's la la land and got excited about the idea, then Piere stressed it can't be just anybody - you got to pick someone who is also a virgin and someone that you can look back on as really getting a trophy. Well Piere scans over the room and decides I'm the perfect pick for her. I have no idea what she told her, but Stephanie gets all excited and is fully ready to make it happen. So she comes up to me (with Piere monitoring to make this a public documentary) and I tell her, "I'm sorry but I'm not into that game. I mean I'm not going to screw some girl so I can be like a trophy." For me there had to be some substance behind it and that did not exist. So Stephanie gets all upset and thinks if she starts treating me like dirt and hitting me - she will force me into it. You all need to know that up to this point Stephanie and I were never friends (she was like a stanger). Anyway the whole thing was strange but Piere was the brains behind it all - and in many ways she honestly made my life more thrilling and complete.
I had a similar experience after I was on my own for the first time, living in West Virginia. My best friend and I were driving around and he sees some girl and tells me to pull over. So he jumps out of the car and tells me she gives blow jobs then gets her in the back of my car before I can do anything. A few minutes later she gets up front with me, thinking it's my turn. She was real friendly about it but I told her no thanks. I think she must of thought I misunderstood and elaborated what she wanted to do. So I told her when people look at her they only see a mouth, but I see a lot more - I see the whole person and stressed that was way more valuable. Then she gets kind of huffy and says I want to do this (meaning to me). I told her I would not reduce anyone to that level and stressed she was worth a lot more than that. I told her she is only popular because of using her mouth and that's why others give her the attention she's getting, and if she would stop doing this she would find those she think care about her would all disappear. Well she became furious and got out of my car screaming at me and telling me she's going to tell everyone that I'm a queer.
It was probably 4 months later I'm walking down the road and a girl comes up to me real excited and starts thanking me over and over for changing her life. She was beautiful and very nice and appeared to take good care of herself (nicely dressed and groomed). But I had no idea who she was and thought she's got the wrong person. She tells me there is absolutely no doubt it was you, that she was the one in the car. She stressed that everything I told her really sank in and she was an entirely different person and not just a mouth.
Hmmmmm sorry for that drift, and now back to Piere. I hadn't seen her in quite awhile before the night of that concert. When I went to her house her mother had this really worried expression and was asking Piere "Are you sure you're up to this." I really had the sense that something big must have happened, but I have no clue and Piere just blew it off. In fairness to her, she probably thought I would wind up looking like a total idiot and being the laughing stock of the entire audience. If that had happened it would be extremely hard for her (to be associated with me). She may have also felt like I was abandoning her. If I had known she was going to react the way she did I never would have stood up. I was the one in the wrong since I took her, and I should have said something to her like, "Hey, ya mind if I go up?" - then she would have either looked at me with alarm or quickly said "Please don't" and it would have ended a lot better than it did.

 

[Steadygain]

Please tell us about those you say wanted to kill you or harm you, when you feel like it, we are all ears! Cheers and God bless our friend Steady!

Cornellia, there are at least 4 other events I haven't mentioned and 2 of them are worse than what you know so far. I am hesitant to go on, and I can't find the way to lock this thread until I decide what to do. Anyway I can't help but believe that somehow - in some way - I did make you feel beautiful from the inside out and that has made it all worthwhile. You are such a beautiful lady and are wonderful in so many ways. I am thrilled you have the heart and mindset that have allowed you to accomplish so much and bring such joy to those who know you. Within the past few years I determined the best way I could spend my money (after retirement) was going to Costa Rica or some other place like Brazil where many people are essentially starving and set up a big soup kitchen - where I could feed at least 50 or more at least 1 good meal everyday the remainder of my life. I probably could feed a lot more than that, but I want it to be a celebration of life and fellowship and so I didn't want to start out with it so big it became chaotic. Once this plan settled in I got Spanish Speaking discs and started learning. I have no idea if something like this would be acceptable in these areas or if playing some soothing Spanish christian music in the background would be OK. I would really love to hear your input on this since you know these areas so well. You are very insightful and there is no doubt that my confusion about why some people think and behave the way they do would have been the basis for me wanting to know the brain so thoroughly - to find some understanding. By nature I am a very sweet and loving person and have largely lived from my heart from the day I was born. It has always been hard for me to understand why anyone would not live in this manner. But as you say the circumstances people are brought up with and live through are what ultimately determine how they turn out. Maybe I should set up an orphanage instead so I can shelter them and raise them like I raised my own children.
I dont' mean to take from anyone else on this site and I am grateful that so many were somehow touched by my life as well. All of you have made me feel appreciated and the sincerity and depth of your love is undeniable. This is why I don't private message Cornellia or anyone else, I am an open book and the majority have convinced me to remain that way. I just don't know if I should go any further and yet I'm realizing that the next big part of my life essentially pulls everything together and makes what you've heard so far a lot more understandable - but yet at the same time leaves me a lot more vulnerable.

Well from the bottom of my heart - it has been wonderful feeling loved and accepted. Even beyond that, all of you have honestly made me feel appreciated. Thank you and God's richest blessings for each of you.

 

[mamikin]

Well from the bottom of my heart - it has been wonderful feeling loved and accepted. Even beyond that, all of you have honestly made me feel appreciated. Thank you and God's richest blessings for each of you.

SteadyGain,

I just now had a chance to catch up with your posts, last week at work I had to do real work so I could not read and participate much on this board. Yes, you are appreciated here and I hope that you do not shut down your thread. From what you write, you are a kind, sincere, beautiful person and you have an ability to connect with and help others that is also taking place on this thread, so keep that in mind...

Do you plan to continue with part 2 of the hippie generation? I am still very much interested in reading about it. I love your statement about the universal truth, that we are all one.

I hate to admit it, I have not heard much of Jimi Hendrix's music but I plan to remedy that.

God's blessings to you as well! We need a peace sign for an icon here.

 

[Steadygain]

Yes, you are appreciated here and I hope that you do not shut down your thread. From what you write, you are a kind, sincere, beautiful person and you have an ability to connect with and help others that is also taking place on this thread, so keep that in mind...

Do you plan to continue with part 2 of the hippie generation? I am still very much interested in reading about it. I love your statement about the universal truth, that we are all one.

I hate to admit it, I have not heard much of Jimi Hendrix's music but I plan to remedy that.

God's blessings to you as well! We need a peace sign for an icon here.

Thank you my beautiful darling. I haven't been feeling well lately but had a good sleep last night and woke up feeling much better. The hippie generation was explainedart I was Post 191 and Part II continues with Post 192. Many will try to boil it down to the phase "Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll" which was the catch phase of that day. But this completely distorts the truth - as this makes it sound like all we lived for was sex and then got high on top of that and reveled in the Rock music. If we reversed the saying to Rock n Roll, Drugs, and Sex - that would come closer to the truth, but even then would miss the reality of the whole concept by which that generation lived. Post 191 explains it better: it was way more comming to realize that humanity is one, and seperating us out because of our skin tone, gender, or religious and political beliefs - did not give us the right to destroy others and the lands they occupy. "Make love, not war" would be way more appropriate to attach to that generation and was a very common phase. "Peace" - the peace hand sign and the symbol all known to this day - was very much the hippe generation. At that time Art itself was extremely big - Peter Max - and psychiadelic posters dominated the world. The Beatles had the coolest posters ever, and in fact they brought forth the wire sunglasses. The Stones had an album cover that had them in a very enchanted magical place and when you moved the album cover you could see their heads and faces turn. As with any age, those who can make money will seize the opportunity and the hippie generation was very much pushed on and promoted by the industries making the posters, the sun glasses, and getting the bands to churn out more and more records. On the whole I can't imagine a better time to be a teenager and on up in high school.

Now my sweet little precious (and this equally goes to everyone who bothers reading my thread) - do not feel compelled to get Jimi Hendrix music. My feelings for him are unique to me and I am not trying to create a Hendrix following. Upon his death - I committed my life to honor him and keep his spirit alive. I was just a kid but my commitment was so deep and genuine that it has never faded to this day. If you would listen to Hendrix concentrate on the sounds themselves - not the music, that is the key to understanding and appreciating all he had to offer. He brought sounds that no one else dreamed could be possible over and over and blended them magically together. If someday I fulfill my destiny - and I beleive I will - it will be the sounds that make me become an overnight sensation. I will probably start with the sounds of spaceship motors pulsating (that is how the minds of the listeners will hear it) and I will make that sound move in different patterns among the audience - so they all get the sense it is more than sound. Then I will add a layer of rapid fires notes on top of that - so it sounds like magic dust being dropped on everyone and I'll keep both of them going for awhile before I add the next layer - which will become the underlying beat that the rest of the song is built on. In the end everyone will be totally captivated. All of this is simply letting the Hendrix spirit - which has basically been a lifelong committment - finally come to life and fully reveal itself.

Cornellia, don't be bothered by me seeing her for what she is. She is my sweet little precious and a beautiful darling - but no one has a better connection than you.

 

[CorMaGa34]

quote=Steadygain;132508] Within the past few years I determined the best way I could spend my money (after retirement) was going to Costa Rica or some other place like Brazil where many people are essentially starving and set up a big soup kitchen - where I could feed at least 50 or more at least 1 good meal everyday the remainder of my life. I probably could feed a lot more than that, but I want it to be a celebration of life and fellowship and so I didn't want to start out with it so big it became chaotic.

To find places where people are "starving" in Latin America is very relative. You may find that some of the poorest people in these countries do eat several times a day, rice and beans is a common staple of the rich and the poor and everyone in between (less cancer and heart problems as a result). However, if you really want to feed the needy, I suggest Haiti (French is the official language). That is the poorest country of them all IMHO. -- Portuguese is the official language of Brazil, which is considered one of the four countries with the highest social and economic development when compared to the rest of Latin America. -- I read in the news several months ago about an American who went to a country in Central America, set up shop in some very isolated island and started to entice male children to come and live with him. If I remember the name I will let you know or find the links to the newspaper articles about his death. Looks like he either was a pedophile or was in the porno video business, and one of his partners shot him. So, as a result of that and other incidents, legally adopting children would be wiser than to have them coming and going, as people will become suspicious.

Maybe I should set up an orphanage instead so I can shelter them and raise them like I raised my own children.

If you go the orphanage route then making everything legal and in a very organized way may be a good thing.

I dont' mean to take from anyone else on this site and I am grateful that so many were somehow touched by my life as well. All of you have made me feel appreciated and the sincerity and depth of your love is undeniable. This is why I don't private message Cornellia or anyone else, I am an open book and the majority have convinced me to remain that way. I just don't know if I should go any further and yet I'm realizing that the next big part of my life essentially pulls everything together and makes what you've heard so far a lot more understandable - but yet at the same time leaves me a lot more vulnerable.

You can call me Cornellia, Ella, or anything you want, I have been called a lot of things in my lifetime, and two more names won't hurt any...:laugh: Not PM'ing me or anyone else is a good thing as Tom already gave you green light to share freely your life experiences with the rest of the MB.
Besides, after reading your posts I have to admit my teenager years and my adulthood have been pretty boring compared to yours, I would have nothing to write about when all I remember from my 8th yr in school was waiting for Fri pm to go to someone's house with a bunch of friends and dance while we had kool-aid, chips and cookies, nothing to write anyone about... :toung: