Steadygain's Account Talk

[CorMaGa34]

crown on the rocks is all that i think will help you sleep i have a seventeen year old run-away thinks she knows it all and i dont know anything ,cant sleep to good myself up @ 4:00 this morning just wondering if she is ok i hope so but you still cant help but worrie ,no where to put her unless you have $40,000 for 10 months of school i will always have the door open for her but 9 more months and then she will taste the real world man i am ready for a cruise

Steadygain, please allow me to address Car Krazy's message to you:

Car Krazy, there is nothing I could really add to what Steadygain has said, recommended, not only because he is professionally qualified for it, but also because of his feelings of love towards all of us displayed in his thread.

Please remember that 17 is a very difficult age for girls, the circumstances surrounding separation, divorce, and full legal custody arrangements for one or all chilren can be very traumatic for all. Denial can set in and then they may try to avoid thinking about all that "grown-up stuff"
by acting their own life and making their own decisions just to show that they know better than their parents did. I am not a qualified counselor, but I have a lot of friends with similar problems, and when they try to put themselves in their place, similar to what Steadygain pointed out, girls really come around thinking that they are being treated as persons and not as children.

I will have your daughter in my prayers, God is good and loves her too. If you believe in angels, visualize her under the wing of Archangel St Michael, protecting her from any harm until she comes back to you.

CorMaGa34

 

[WIND_HUNTER]

Great advice everyone. Love Conquers All.

 

[Christopher]

Steady, you consistently trip me out bro! SO creative, amiable, and tactful (even with Birch's words! ) May God bless you richly for your huge heart for people. I think you nailed it with you words of wisdom: the remedy to what ails our young ladies today is mega doses of LOVE and a generous dose of honor, mixed with a consistent drip of honest and open communication.

Birch, congrats and props to you on your young Captain - and a sincere "THANK YOU" to her and all the enlisted reading this thread, from our average American "civilian" family.

CorMaGa, I've watched helplessly over the years as my two sisters suffered through exactly what you described. God, it's so sad what it does to them. They haven't recovered. (nor have my brothers and I). Thanks for your pearls of wisdom. Prayers never die!

KC, with our 16 and 11 1/2 year old daughters putting the wife and I to the test, who can know where their roads will lead them or how things will turn out except God alone? Our well of hope has been to remind them often and consistently from childhood that our love for them will NEVER change - regardless of choices they make, what they do or don't do for us, others, or themselves, or whether they make us proud or ashamed. Hang in there man - prayer is powerful.

Christopher

 

[nnuut]

thanks Norm, at least for now my baby 14year old straight AAAaa's honor roll her mom gave me full custody last Sept my youngest took it hard she was a momma's girl now she say's she would never leave me cause i am there for her, man she has changed alot but still making great grades they are like night and day, i had to take the oldest girls car away if i could do it again i dont think i would help her get a car this is when all trouble started,just hope for the best and pray she is warm has food and okand keep praying she comes home and turns around its never too late i told her this last time she was home but you just cant tell them anything at this age

My younger one did the same thing before, but she came back, as I am sure your daughter will. She is at a difficult age and gets confused as to what she wants, and I'm sure she thinks she is an adult and can make her own decisions. It's hell on the parents, I really don't think they understand how much we worry when they do stuff like that, drives me crazy. Hang in there buddy, she loves Ya and will be OK, hope she comes back soon.
Norman

 

[nnuut]

Is she married? :cheesy:

Not married, and a looker!

 

[MaStA]

Not married, and a looker!

lol

 

[kar_crazy]

Is she married? :cheesy:

not yeat to busy wanting to be on her own

 

[kar_crazy]

Thanks to all and God Bless
she came home Sunday morning and i had a feeling she would leave that night and she did, i tell her the door is always open (ihave to be there for her)you know what is scary is see kinda like me i went thru alot of this stuff (weed) but i always wanted to finish school and i did, if i could get her to stay in school then i wouldnt mind as much i had her picked up about 2 or 3 weeks ago police found her of course she was smoking a cigar and the sorry bastard had to give us a fine $160.oo these days if you hit them they want to divorce there parents and if state gets involved then you will owe the state child support screw that, she knows we are here waiting for her but i guess she just needs to run and get it out of her system,last year she was almost straight aaa's then when we picked up a car it gave her to much freedom , you know i just try to be there but let go in her eyes and she shows up once in a while and will say i love you with a hug and a kiss you think maybe just maybe she is making that turn and then she takes off .I have put these problems in Gods hands, he will keep a eye on her for me and in time it will all be good. 9 months and she can get her own place but i will always have a room for her now lets see about getting some of our $ back

 

[Steadygain]

Kar Crazy, it's wonderful that your post was number 700 - it's kind of a Godly Number and I've never seen the real beauty and love in your life come through like your last message. We all love and care for you every bit as much as we love and care for her. I'm just thrilled that a part of her could not be complete without giving her father a hug and letting him know "I love you". Ultimately you are doing the very best thing "BY PUTTING IT IN GOD'S HANDS - AND HAVING THE FAITH AND GENUINE TRUST THAT HE WILL HOLD HER UP AND HOLD YOU UP AS WELL". KC, we all have these situations, but they vary for each of us. My other half is leaving the country soon and the love she has instilled in me is the most enriching aspect of my life next to God Himself. I am just overwhelmed with how much God has allowed us to permeate each other's lifes - know each other on the most deepest and intimate levels and provide such stability and inspiration. I won't get to see her for at least 8 years - but GOD HAS BEEN SOLIDLY THERE IN THE MIST OF EVERYTHING WE DO AND OUR FAITH IN HIM MAKES EVERYTHING PERFECT. My point is: the more you give it up to God; the more you put all things in His Hands; the greater your peace, and His peace will overcome your worry. You are definately heading in the right direction by giving everything over to Him. We will pray that you find His peace like never before, that His Love will fill you to overflowing and this Love in you will draw your daughter back and make her a better and stronger person. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TRUSTING US; AND LETTING US LOVE YOU AND BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE.

 

[mamikin]

Kar Crazy,

You have elicited a lot of concern for you and your daughter, there are many of us who can really empathize because we either struggled with our independance as teenagers or experienced it on the receiving end as parents, or saw it with older siblings or other family members... just know that there are many of us who care and want the best for you and your daughter. I don't think that I could add anything more than what the others have said - Steadygain, CorMaGa, Birchtree, Nnut, Windhunter, Poolman, all have given you encouraging pearls of wisdom. Given time, things will work out and your daughter will realize how lucky she is to have a father who cares and wants the best for her. Hang in there!

 

[GUCHI]

KC
hang in there with your daughter. i went through it with my 19 year old son when he was around 15. he was very defiant and my wife and i thought we had done everything right, but talking with other people we found out we were not alone !!!! it got to the point where i had to stand up to him man to man since he thought he was a man. long story short we had an incidence where i had to attempt to kick his a$$, just like man. i swung on him with a open hand and missed he stumbled and fell to the ground crying like a baby saying no dad no dad. i felt as bad as i have ever felt in my life. it brings tears to my eyes now just writing this.i never hit him and thought that will teach him who the boss is, but no he still was a problem. i did not buckle i stayed on him hard. and i told him if i did not love you i would not care what you did , but i would not tolerate his disrespect to his mom or me. once he got his own place at 18 he was a different person. all he needed was his INDEPENDANCE TO BE HIS OWN PERSON. hang in there kc your not alone !! he is now 19 going to nc state with the engineering curriculum 2nd semester. e r tighter now than we have ever been. one more thing during those hard times some very very hurtful things were said by him. at the time i wondered where the h-ll is this hurtful talk coming from, still don't know to this day.
i feel your pain
guchi

 

[presskh]

You guys are scaring me. I have a 9 year old boy (5 ft. 1 in. tall and 115 lbs) who is already starting to buck up to our parental authority. We have to give him a couple of swats with a belt on the rear end every so often, but before too long he will be getting too big for this. I guess growing up is difficult for parents and children alike.

 

[Birchtree]

Buy some weights and have him pump iron until it hurts. No pain, no gain.

 

[Fivetears]

Just wait for the day he learns about how the "other" plumbing works. :laugh:

You guys are scaring me. I have a 9 year old boy (5 ft. 1 in. tall and 115 lbs) who is already starting to buck up to our parental authority. We have to give him a couple of swats with a belt on the rear end every so often, but before too long he will be getting too big for this. I guess growing up is difficult for parents and children alike.

 

[kar_crazy]

KC
hang in there with your daughter. i went through it with my 19 year old son when he was around 15. he was very defiant and my wife and i thought we had done everything right, but talking with other people we found out we were not alone !!!! it got to the point where i had to stand up to him man to man since he thought he was a man. long story short we had an incidence where i had to attempt to kick his a$$, just like man. i swung on him with a open hand and missed he stumbled and fell to the ground crying like a baby saying no dad no dad. i felt as bad as i have ever felt in my life. it brings tears to my eyes now just writing this.i never hit him and thought that will teach him who the boss is, but no he still was a problem. i did not buckle i stayed on him hard. and i told him if i did not love you i would not care what you did , but i would not tolerate his disrespect to his mom or me. once he got his own place at 18 he was a different person. all he needed was his INDEPENDANCE TO BE HIS OWN PERSON. hang in there kc your not alone !! he is now 19 going to nc state with the engineering curriculum 2nd semester. e r tighter now than we have ever been. one more thing during those hard times some very very hurtful things were said by him. at the time i wondered where the h-ll is this hurtful talk coming from, still don't know to this day.
i feel your pain
guchi

tough love hurts parents as much as kids shes a good kid just testing the water i just wish she would wait until she was 18 and i would be ok with what ever she wanted but even then after she is 18 the door will always be open they both have taken it hard with there mother walking out on them i have always said i will be there for them we all have skeletons in closet i am just going to have to wait for her to come aroundprobably when she is about 21 ish maybe it will hit her by then maybe i wasright about school she wants to go to cosmotoligy i am behind her all the way but i just wish she would graduate we have a night school that is going to take her but for now they booked up no openings and she volenteered for this school so i feel she kind of knows to try to finish she just hates public school. it will pan out thanks guys

 

[Birchtree]

Here is a funny story I had with my daughter. The wife and I had decided that when the mouth opened up (and we knew it would) that my wife would put on one of the ROTC uniform caps and give my daughter an order. When the day arrived my wife got the cap and ordered my daughter to drop and give her fifty pushups. When she was finished she retorted that was easy so the wife said you're not finished - give me fifty more. That sent the message as a worn out girl realized she was not mighty mouse yet. It was respect for the cap that made her comply. Silly girl that she was. Eventually the mouth was nominated and selected to be the Battalion Commander of her class. And all the boys out of respect for the position were favorable to her leadership qualities. And where do you think she learned to be a leader - it had a lot to do with parental upbringing.

 

[Steadygain]

KC
it brings tears to my eyes now just writing this.

he is now 19 going to nc state with the engineering curriculum 2nd semester. e r tighter now than we have ever been.

one more thing during those hard times some very very hurtful things were said by him. at the time i wondered where the h-ll is this hurtful talk coming from, still don't know to this day.
i feel your pain
guchi

You can't imagine how much I needed this post. I have never lost in the TSP over the years and now am doing so terrible it is just amazing. BUT THIS MAKES ME REALIZE THAT ALL OF THAT IS SO MEANINGLESS AND TRIVIAL COMPARED TO THIS AND WHAT OTHERS HAVE BEEN EXPRESSING. Guchi, it sounds like you did everything right - and I'm glad you didn't hit him; but most certainly you have to put your wife and yourself (in your relationship with her) as the highest priority and make it clear THAT NO ONE IS GOING TO ATTACK THAT AND GET BY WITH IT. So I wholeheartly applaude the decision you made. You and I both know how tough it can be at that age and the "things he said that were hurtful" were simply an expression of his own confusion - in trying to understand what he is and what he is becoming. I absolutely swear to you these things were not said from his heart - they were said from a mind and life that were confused; desperate for something that had not yet been achieved and longing for the trying times to end.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS POST - YOU HAVE REALLY BLESSED ME AND I AM VERY GRATEFUL.

 

[ezmoney]

Oh how I remember. I got plenty of spankings with an old fashion belt. There came that day when I thought I was grown. I took my car and left home was going to carry some friends to South Carolina. Daddy asked around and finally, some of my friends told him where I could be found. We were just getting ready to go when my dad drove up. He told me to get in the car and drive home. Boy did I make a big mistake, I said "I ain't," to which my daddy said "What did you say," which I replied "I ain't," my daddy then said "your to big for a spanking, but your are not to big for an ass whipping" and he commenced to enlighten me by beating me to the ground. When I got home my face was swollen my left eye was about shut and my mama had a fit. She asked my daddy what he had done to me. He just simply said he became a man, so I treated him like a man. I wished he was alive today, I loved that man.

 

[kar_crazy]

i had many whippens i watched my dad level my brother when i was about 15 man he had the fear in me till we lost him still miss him a bunch but we all graduated and turned out pretty good bring back the whippens that is why we have lost alot of respect it seems

 

[Steadygain]

Here is a funny story I had with my daughter. The wife and I had decided that when the mouth opened up (and we knew it would) that my wife would put on one of the ROTC uniform caps and give my daughter an order. When the day arrived my wife got the cap and ordered my daughter to drop and give her fifty pushups. When she was finished she retorted that was easy so the wife said you're not finished - give me fifty more. That sent the message as a worn out girl realized she was not mighty mouse yet. It was respect for the cap that made her comply. Silly girl that she was. Eventually the mouth was nominated and selected to be the Battalion Commander of her class. And all the boys out of respect for the position were favorable to her leadership qualities. And where do you think she learned to be a leader - it had a lot to do with parental upbringing.

Amen Birch!! Amen brother, praise God!!

Thank you - perfectly spoken - wonderful story.