COYOTE V. ACME
In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona
Case No. B19293, Judge Lance Ito, Presiding
Wile E. Coyote, Plaintiff
-vs.-
Acme Company, Defendant
Opening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote:
My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and
contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the
Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted
merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every
state, district, and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for
personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering
caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of
said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47,
section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability.
Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has
purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through
that company's mail-order department, certain products which did
cause him bodily injury due to defects in manufacture or improper
cautionary labelling. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof
of purchase are at present in the possession of the Court, marked
Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily
restricted his ability to make a living in his profession of
predator. Mr. Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for
Workmen's Compensation.
Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant
via parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr. Coyote
was to use the Rocket Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon
receipt of the Rocket Sled Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden
shipping crate and, sighting his prey in the distance, activated the
ignition. As Mr. Coyote gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled
accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr.
Coyote's forelimbs to a length of fifty feet. Subsequently, the
rest of Mr. Coyote's body shot forward with a violent jolt, causing
severe strain to his back and neck and placing him unexpectedly
astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at such
speed as to leave a diminishing jet trail along its path, the Rocket
Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey. At that moment
the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to the right. Mr. Coyote
vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due
to a poorly designed steering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or
nonexistent braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked
progress of the Rocket Sled brought it and Mr. Coyote into
collision with the side of a mesa.
Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B),
prepared by Dr. Ernest Grosscup, M.D., D.O., details the multiple
fractures, contusions, and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Coyote as
a result of this collision. Repair of the injuries required a full
bandage around the head (excluding the ears), a neck brace, and full
or partial casts on all four legs.
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