Black Humor (for RED days.)

[nnuut]

Nothing to it!
Good example of a Brain Study: I fyou can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long, long, ways down the road before it ever gets any where near you.

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To my'selected' strange-mindedfriends:​

If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends and the person that sent it to youwith 'yes' in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!

If you can raed this, you have asgtrane mnid, too.

Can you raed this? Olny 55plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd whatI was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to arscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteresin a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be inthe rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuita pboerlm. This is bcuseaethe huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?

 

[konakathy]

SNL spoof on Bloombergs hurricane Sandy address. very funny.

Bloomberg's Hurricane Sandy Address Cold Open | Video | Saturday Night Live | NBC

 

[nnuut]

That's a good one Kathy!!!!:laugh:

 

[PLANO]

Eric Cartman Interview on NPR

 

[konakathy]

:laugh:

 

[James48843]

:laugh:

View attachment 21030

I hear the Denver "Legalize it- Prop 64" ballot committee's victory party is still going on, and they've ordered out for 500 pizzas.

 

[konakathy]

I hear the Denver "Legalize it- Prop 64" ballot committee's victory party is still going on, and they've ordered out for 500 pizzas.

Gives new meaning to "mile high"

 

[burrocrat]

two muffins are sitting in a pan in the oven. one muffin says 'holy crap, it's hot in here.' the other muffin looks at him and exclaims 'holy crap, a talking muffin!'

 

[James48843]

​

 

[James48843]

Cat jump:

[video=youtube;yOpSvFfA2lc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yOpSvFfA2lc[/video]
​

 

[James48843]

Illegal aliens:
David Letterman reports on Illegal Aliens 1978 - YouTube

 

[James48843]

[TABLE="class: yiv600053372ecxMsoNormalTable"]
[TR]
[TD] A first-grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class.

She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well-known proverb
and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.




It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.

Their insight may surprise you.





While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, six-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!




[TABLE="class: yiv600053372ecxMsoNormalTable"]
[TR]
[TD] 1.
[/TD]
[TD] Don't change horses
[/TD]
[TD]

until they stop running.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 2.
[/TD]
[TD] Strike while the
[/TD]
[TD]

bug is close.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 3.
[/TD]
[TD] It's always darkest before
[/TD]
[TD]

Daylight Saving Time.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 4.
[/TD]
[TD] Never underestimate the power of
[/TD]
[TD]

termites.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 5.
[/TD]
[TD] You can lead a horse to water but
[/TD]
[TD]

how?​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 6.
[/TD]
[TD] Don't bite the hand that
[/TD]
[TD]

looks dirty.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 7.
[/TD]
[TD] No news is
[/TD]
[TD]

impossible.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 8.
[/TD]
[TD] A miss is as good as a
[/TD]
[TD]

Mr.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 9.
[/TD]
[TD] You can't teach an old dog new
[/TD]
[TD]

math.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 10.
[/TD]
[TD] If you lie down with dogs, you'll
[/TD]
[TD]

stink in the morning.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 11.
[/TD]
[TD] Love all, trust
[/TD]
[TD]

me.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 12.
[/TD]
[TD] The pen is mightier than the
[/TD]
[TD]

pigs.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 13.
[/TD]
[TD] An idle mind is
[/TD]
[TD]

The best way to relax.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 14.
[/TD]
[TD] Where there's smoke there's
[/TD]
[TD]

pollution.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 15.
[/TD]
[TD] Happy the bride who
[/TD]
[TD]

gets all the presents.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 16.
[/TD]
[TD] A penny saved is
[/TD]
[TD]

not much.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 17.
[/TD]
[TD] Two's company, three's
[/TD]
[TD]

the Musketeers.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 18.
[/TD]
[TD] Don't put off till tomorrow what
[/TD]
[TD]

you put on to go to bed.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 19.
[/TD]
[TD] Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
[/TD]
[TD]

you have to blow your nose.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 20.
[/TD]
[TD] There are none so blind as
[/TD]
[TD]

Stevie Wonder.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 21.
[/TD]
[TD] Children should be seen and not
[/TD]
[TD]

spanked or grounded.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 22.
[/TD]
[TD] If at first you don't succeed
[/TD]
[TD]

get new batteries.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 23.
[/TD]
[TD] You get out of something only what you
[/TD]
[TD]

see in the picture on the box.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 24.
[/TD]
[TD] When the blind lead the blind
[/TD]
[TD]

get out of the way.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 25.
[/TD]
[TD] A bird in the hand
[/TD]
[TD]

is going to poop on you.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="colspan: 3"]

And the WINNER and last one!​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD] 26.
[/TD]
[TD] Better late than
[/TD]
[TD]

pregnant.​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]






Also, at our age if you didn’t wake up this morning with a little stiffness and perhaps a few aches and pains you may have died in your sleep.

 

[wavecoder]

 

[konakathy]

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

:laugh:

 

[burrocrat]

flashlight? ha, that's funny! i thought he was going to wish for some hedge trimmers.

 

[James48843]

THE NEW FAMILY TREE OF
VINCENT VAN GOGH



His dizzy aunt ------------------------------------Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes ----------------------Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store -- Stop N Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia----------------------U Gogh

His magician uncle------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin------------------------------ A Mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half-brother-------- Gring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach--------- Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle---------------------------- Can't Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt------------------------ Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle------------------ Flamin Gogh

The little bouncy nephew-------------------------Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco------------------------- Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh

I saw you smiling---------------------------There ya Gogh

 

[konakathy]

 

[James48843]

​

 

[James48843]

Fwd: [FWD: How drunk do you have to be to try this?] - YouTube

 

[nnuut]

PUNS
I changed my i Pod name to Titanic, It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now aseasoned veteran.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stopany time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned onme.