Black Humor (for RED days.)

Where did **** poor come from ? :laugh:

Us older people need to learn somethingnew every day...

Just to keep the grey matter tuned up.

Where did "**** Poor" come from?

Interesting History.

They used to use urine to tan animalskins, so families used to all pee in a pot.

And then once it was full it was taken andsold to the tannery...

if you had to do this to survive you were"**** Poor".

But worse than that were the really poorfolk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot...

They "didn't have a pot to pissin" and were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your handsand complain because the water temperature

Isn't just how you like it, think abouthow things used to be.

Here are some facts about the 1500's

Most people got married in June becausethey took their yearly bath in May,

And they still smelled pretty good byJune. However, since they were starting to smell,

Brides carried a bouquet of flowers tohide the body odor.

Hence the custom today of carrying abouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled withhot water.

The man of the house had the privilege ofthe nice clean water,

Then all the other sons and men, then thewomen and finally the children.

Last of all the babies.

By then the water was so dirty you couldactually lose someone in it.

Hence the saying, "Don't throw thebaby out with the Bath water!"


(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in thekitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.

Every day they lit the fire and addedthings to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables

And did not get much meat. Theywould eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers

In the pot to get cold overnight and thenstart over the next day.

Sometimes stew had food in it that hadbeen there for quite a while.

Hence the rhyme:

Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold,peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, whichmade them feel quite special.

When visitors came over, they would hangup their bacon to show off.

It was a sign of wealth that a man could,"bring home the bacon."

They would cut off a little to share withguests

And would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made ofpewter.

Food with high acid content caused some ofthe lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.

This happened most often with tomatoes,

so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoeswere considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status.

Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf,the family got the middle,

and guests got the top, or the uppercrust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale orwhisky.

The combination would sometimes knock theimbibers out for a couple of days.

Someone walking along the road would takethem for dead and prepare them for burial.

They were laid out on the kitchen tablefor a couple of days and the family would gather around

and eat and drink and wait and see if theywould wake up.

Hence the custom; of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folksstarted running out of places to bury people.

So they would dig up coffins and wouldtake the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave..

When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they hadbeen burying people alive.

So they would tie a string on the wrist ofthe corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it toa bell.

Someone would have to sit out in thegraveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus,someone could be,

saved by the bell or was "considereda dead ringer.

And that's the truth.

Now,whoever said History was boring!!!
 
I still can't beleive tom bleeps out **** on this website with some of the others we get away with. Just cracks me up.
 
I still can't beleive tom bleeps out **** on this website with some of the others we get away with. Just cracks me up.

testing...

c'mon td, you're smarter than that, it goes like this:

an image that contains cuss words is not recognized by the censor robots because they only see an image not the message it conveys. likewise the text autofilter can only deny whole words on the bad list, not every combination of letters buried in the morasse. examples:

**** - no no, pissant - ok
**** - no no, shitake - ok

think of it as helping tom expand his vocabulary.
 
and just what exactly, missy, were you doing in the little boy's room with a camara?

out of fairness and equality, could you please post the opposite sex equivalent? or at least a game of leap frog?

got envy?[/

I do have to admit that I do get envious when I'm out on my route and the nearest public Lua is 1 mile away.

And you're right, fair is fair. So be a pal and just pick a photo from the 1000's you've downloaded off the Internet
and post one for me. ;)
 
and just what exactly, missy, were you doing in the little boy's room with a camara?

out of fairness and equality, could you please post the opposite sex equivalent? or at least a game of leap frog?

got envy?[/

I do have to admit that I do get envious when I'm out on my route and the nearest public Lua is 1 mile away.

And you're right, fair is fair. So be a pal and just pick a photo from the 1000's you've downloaded off the Internet
and post one for me. ;)

i hardly ever say this, but i don't think that's such a good idea.

let's just say there's a reason the ladies in guatemala wear colorful skirts and sandals.
 
Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple
nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful,
and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more
painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy
getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have
come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and
here is the reason for my conclusion….

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be
nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I
would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.




Hmmmm.....
 
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[h=1]A company responds to a negative post
on their facebook page with humor.

Priceless.[/h]



Maxipad Brand Goes for Blood in Brilliant Reply to Facebook Rant | Adweek

Brands often freeze up when they're criticized on Facebook. U.K. "maxipad "maker Bodyform makes the most of it.

A week ago, a man named Richard Neill posted a rant on Bodyform's Facebook wall, humorously calling out the brand for false advertising—saying his girlfriend doesn't have "happy periods" like those depicted in the ads, but instead becomes "the little girl from the exorcist with added venom and extra 360 degree head spin."

The post has gotten more than 84,000 likes.

Rather than ignore it, Bodyform one-upped Mr. Neill with the video above , in which they fess up about their pathological lying.

The clip is genius from the opening frames, as we see CEO Caroline Williams (actually played by an actress) pour herself a glass of blue water. "I think it's time we came clean," she says.

"We lied to you, Richard, and I want to say sorry. … Sorry." She goes on to facetiously explain why the company has used metaphorical imagery in its ads rather than focusing on "the blood coursing from our uteri like a crimson landslide." It's an inspired bit of writing and performance, capped off by a hilarious ending.

Too good not to share.
 
[TABLE="width: 760"]
[TR]
[TD="class: white"]A Lesson in Politics

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."

The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy.

Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner.
Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"

The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."

"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"

The little boy thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."

[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
 
> Lucy and Tom, an elderly couple, were recently attending church services at
> a little chapel in The Villages, in Florida.
>
> About halfway through the sermon, Lucy took a pen and paper out of her purse
> and wrote a note and handed it to Tom.
>
> The note said: "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"
>
> Tom scribbled back, " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
:laugh:


 
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