“You know, they spent tons of money on that satellite launch when their people are starving.”
“Right,” I said, shaking my head regretfully.
We looked at our plates, our bowls, our table covered in dishes, the expensive rice pockets.
“They dig up grass and pull off tree bark and make it into soup,” he continued.
I shook my head, sighed, and cast my eyes downward, as if my showing respect for the seriousness of the matter would suffice for “doing my part.” And then I found it hard to stop murmuring, “And they’re only 2 hours away, only 2 hours away, just 2 hours away.”
I wanted to remember them and at the same time to forget.
It was hard to keep eating, and yet it wasn’t.
Whatever part of me didn’t find it hard felt guilty for being indifferent and calloused
and the small part that did find it hard immediately started pointing fingers at others. What am I to do with this injustice? How can I reconcile eating my fill when I have brothers starving just a couple hours away?
How can I reconcile having a drawer full of sweaters when some of my sisters just 50 miles away froze to death last winter?
I don’t think it can be reconciled.
And so I ignore and pretend and say with my mouth that I want Korea to reunite
while in my mind I increase the buffer zone between us
so their horrors don’t smudge the windows of my bubble.
My Dear Precious Sarah,
Those who live deeply and think deeply will always find many puzzling moments. When we weigh the misfortunes of others against the abundance of our own lives it is easy to feel that we are partly responsible for their misfortunes and thus feel guilty for what we have.
The greatest treasure we possess is the recognition of who and what we are and it is only with this understanding that we can move forward in a meaningful existence. We are God's people living in a Universe which ultimately reflects His Glory. Our minds and the ability to grasp the deeper truths form the framework by which we live. Your heart and the depth of your sincere dedication and convictions keep you loving and feeling on the highest and purest levels and this will undoubtedly touch almost everyone you encounter – for this is God working in you and His Spirit is what everyone needs the most.
I recently expressed, "My life is very sensitive to the needs and hurts of others and its way more than just a pain in my heart - or some trivial feeling of sympathy - it more encompasses everything and once it starts it just gets bigger and bigger. So in the end every shred of my being is committed to bringing the ultimate healing."
From where does this sensitivity originate and who should ultimately receive all the praise and glory? Who made the framework which brought the thoughts into being, and allows us to function and plan and be all we have become?
Perhaps the strongest evidence of our Spiritual State is this connected pain we have when we recognize the hardships facing our brothers and sisters. Maybe the answer is not to feed them all or to keep them all warm – for maybe they are meant to cause us pain – to make us even more sensitive – to bring about a deeper commitment and cause us to work outside of our own power and strength to accomplish things that we (within ourselves) are incapable of accomplishing. My sweet daughter, this may be the underlying basis of your dilemma and it is a constant battle we face throughout our lives. Within our own power we are helpless in dealing with the North Korean population and somehow feel that self deprivation may in some manner 'make things right'.
Self deprivation is ultimately what separates us from the cold and uncaring world and the population at large; yet in reality – the more simply you live the more you realize that those who overindulge are the worst off. For they are trapped by the possessions they've amassed and the never satisfying appetite for more. But they can never have enough. Where doing with less is in the realest sense the most abundant life possible. For we are not consumed with having the biggest and the best, the latest and most expensive, and the need to get more and more. Perhaps the most startling truth is that we find immensely more quality to life outside of the electronic world and with fewer accumulations. The more we settle for the bare necessities the more we recognize the immense abundance we actually have and so in that sense we come to find it is not self deprivation after all – rather it is a choice to live abundantly without excess baggage.
Now let's get back to your dilemma regarding the North Koreans. Here I would take us to the ultimate grounding: If I fed all the starving and have not love…, If I clothe all those in need of warmth and have not love… and from these passages we come to find that the ultimate measure of our worth is not how much we gave in terms of food and clothes but the depth of our love and the level by which we opened our hearts and lives. It is ultimately your love for God and your desire to make his Love known to others that brought you to serve in the Appalachian community, to be so devoted to your Dominican Republic family, to be where you are this very moment. This was the basis of your longing to be given another year in Korea and all the more your longing to work for them directly. This is overwhelmingly why you have safe guarded your life from drugs, alcohol and tobacco and not allowed your mind to be contaminated with the bulk of things that flood the airways, the TVs and the movie theaters. It is also why you absolutely refuse be self-indulgent at the expense of others. You are anything but a worthless pretender who is unwilling to give her life; for you are there and in your heart you long to bring unity and peace – and let the North Koreans acknowledge the Love and Grace of God and know life abundantly. My sweet woman you do not bring a greater division by eating a meal or having clothes, you can only do that by closing your heart and refusing to care. Here, as with almost every other situation that is bigger than us, the best thing you can do is give it up to God and let Him know that you are eager and willing – then let Him do what is best and be content with whatever that is. For now focus on where you are and let Him come to life with all those around you.
There is only so much we can do in any given situation. Every life you encounter is filled with complexities and the more you open yourself to their world the more you see there is to do. With our flawed condition it's hard; especially when we long so deeply to be 'the solution' but find we complicate things by trying too hard or doing too much. In the end we realize more and more that we are simply the tool and the greatest thing we can do is simply strive to be connected and let God do all the work and be increasingly content with that.
In my last world (on the internet) I've come to realize that I am nothing more than a huge glob of paint that hit a fan and got splattered all over the place. Now the paint is drying and my life is disappearing but the bonds can never disappear. So let your life be as full as possible and be as open as you can to everything and everyone around you. The most central needs are being loved and accepted – and the deeper and more meaningful these are conveyed the more others will appreciate the Spirit at work within you. So ultimately your job is to let the Spirit come to life and absorb everything you encounter and then there is no doubt that this Spirit will do many wonderful things.
When this era comes to an end take time to reflect on everything and see how the specks of paint bore forth life and all that was accomplished and you will be content for there is no hiding His Spirit of Grace and Mercy. Only as you're leaving – and as your spirit is being withdrawn can you honestly look back and reflect on all that transpired and the longer you do this the better it gets.
:nuts:
