Screwy News

[burrocrat]

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/29937...ding-speed-of-thrusts-and-girth-measurements/

The i-Con Smart Condom is like a FitBit, but for your ...

Adam Leverson, lead engineer on the i.Con project said: "Not only have we innovated the world's first smart condom ring - that'll measure pretty much every aspect of performance in the bedroom - but now I'm pleased to confirm that it will also have built-in indicators to alert the users to any potential STIs present."

uhh, the whole problem with a censor to detect std's is that once the alarm goes off, you've already been exposed?

 

[nnuut]

[h=1]Porn really is bad for you! Lonely Japanese man who amassed a SIX-TON pile of dirty magazines died when it collapsed on top of him... and his body wasn't found for six months[/h]

Read more: Man dies under his six-ton pile of porn magazines | Daily Mail Online

​

 

[jpcavin]

So this is what a protest looks like in Pensacola....

 

[pmaloney]

The extreme quality of recent Screwy News is reaching new Highs. :laugh:

 

[jpcavin]

Coffee shop opens for non-morning people - Grumpy Fuckers

“I had to get up at 5am to get the bastard shop open. I hated it. Most people are still sleeping at that time. We opened the shop at 6am and by 7am, we’d already sold out of ‘F*ck You Frappuccinos’ as well as our ‘P*ss Poor Tea’. Every f*cker who came in had a face on them like a slapped arse so I closed the shop at 8am so I could go home and get some proper sleep like most people do.”

 

[jpcavin]

Wow. Just wow.

After Motorcyclist’s ‘Dangerous Stunt’ on 60 Freeway, Officials Work to Block Copycats | KTLA

 

[burrocrat]

Ski instructor gets impaled by branch, reconsiders lip piercing trend | Fox News

A Wyoming ski instructor got into a bit of a sticky situation when he was impaled by an 18-inch tree branch while trying to jump between two trees on March 1.

“Holy crap, I just got impaled,” Hagood said. He then joked, “Hey look, I got a new piercing.”

Hagood is now recovering from his mishap, but is in good spirits because he can drink beer through a straw.

there's always a bright side.

 

[jpcavin]

Ski instructor gets impaled by branch, reconsiders lip piercing trend | Fox News



there's always a bright side.

He ain't right either.

 

[burrocrat]

He ain't right either.

maybe so, who's to judge? but he for damn sure is a better skier than sonny bono.

 

[jpcavin]

maybe so, who's to judge? but he for damn sure is a better skier than sonny bono.

I would have to agree.

 

[evilanne]

Topless French election candidate hopeful is arrested | Daily Mail Online
"A former stripper who wants to run for the French presidential election was arrested for parading topless in the street to promote transparency."

 

[burrocrat]

Defense lawyer's pants catch fire during arson trial | Fox News

Jurors trying to assess the truthfulness of defense lawyer Stephen Gutierrez's closing arguments in an arson trial Wednesday may have been dismayed to notice that his pants were literally on fire.
Witnesses say the lawyer had to flee the Miami courtroom with smoke billowing from his pocket, the Miami Herald reports.

lawyer, lawyer, pants on fire...

what are the odds that an ecig in a pants pocket catches on fire? in a courtroom? to the defense lawyer in an arson case? whose defense for his client accused of setting his own car on fire due to spontaneous combustion? then his pants appear to spontaneously combust in front of the jury? hmmm.

funny funny stuff.

 

[burrocrat]

Taylor Swift fan ordered not to contact her after lurking outside star's NYC condo | Fox News

An obsessed fan of pop singer Taylor Swift lurked around her luxurious New York City condo building for the past three months — including on her roof — in the hopes of landing a face-to-face meeting with the star, court papers allege.
Another time, Jaffar allegedly rang Swift’s door buzzer for an hour straight in a desperate attempt to make her acquaintance.
Undeterred, he returned the next day and rang the doorbell for 45 more minutes, the complaint states.

wasn't me.

 

[RazorCat]

An obsessed fan of pop singer Taylor Swift lurked around her luxurious New York City condo building for the past three months — including on her roof — in the hopes of landing a face-to-face meeting with the star, court papers allege.
Another time, Jaffar allegedly rang Swift’s door buzzer for an hour straight in a desperate attempt to make her acquaintance.
Undeterred, he returned the next day and rang the doorbell for 45 more minutes, the complaint states.

Hey, that tactic works for those annoying little Girl Scouts during the cookie season.

 

[burrocrat]

Hey, that tactic works for those annoying little Girl Scouts during the cookie season.

oohhh, like mormons or jehova witness'?

besides, i like a good girl scout's cookie.

after they turn 18.

 

[nnuut]

oohhh, like mormons or jehova witness'?

besides, i like a good girl scout's cookie.

after they turn 18.

You're a sick puppy!

 

[Scout333]

You're a sick puppy!

Member he ain't raaht!

 

[konakathy]

PEI’s only strip club closes because patrons, dancers all related | The Manatee

Attendance soared for the first few days as word spread about the club; however, it began to dwindle as people took note of the too-local talent it employed.

Not even the oyster bar could help this owner out.

 

[burrocrat]

PEI’s only strip club closes because patrons, dancers all related | The Manatee



Not even the oyster bar could help this owner out.

ha ha! good one kk.

Frank, a 34-year-old patron, had a similar experience. “I loved the local craft beers on tap, and I thought the club was a great idea, but I can see my third-cousin-twice-removed naked any time. It didn’t seem right to have to pay for that.”

 

[burrocrat]

besides, i like a good girl scout's cookie.

You're a sick puppy!

Member he ain't raaht!

just so you all know, i'm a fair and equal appreciator, i don't discriminate...

i like all cookies pretty much the same, even the bad girl scouts' ones. the chocolate chips, the ginger snaps, the sugar buttons, the peanut butters, it's all good hollywood. but i do have a slight preference for the ones that taste like suntan oil, the camaroons or whatever.