Screwy News

[Stoplight]

Soooo....perhaps this doesn't qualify as "Screwy News", but here it is ! The Wife and I heard the "Boom !" on Sunday night, as did the Dogs ! We looked at each other and said "What the hell was THAT ???"


International Paper explosion: 'It's like a fallout zone"

I suppose that a news report that said "Black Liquor is raining down over a 10 mile radius !" would normally sound good to me, but in this case, it's not really funny...we're across the river from there, so no effect here...

Strikes me as odd....if this had happened in California or Maryland, it'd be on the Nightly News ! Here ? The main concern seems to be "How soon can they get the pulp mill reopened ?" Scarce good paying jobs there ; a lot of people depend on that mill !

Go figure....


Stoplight...

 

[burrocrat]

https://www.rt.com/viral/375867-paris-eco-friendly-urinals/

Uritrottoir has a much more attractive look than the common grey Paris street urinals, providing relief to “pipi sauvage” (“wild pissing” in French). The new eco-friendly device stores the urine in a block of dry material, namely wood chips, sawdust or straws, which is later taken away and turned into compost.

The two street urinals were installed on Tuesday near the Gare de Lyon train yard. Street peeing is a serious problem which has apparently plagued the capital of France for decades. Gare du Lyon is one of the city’s wet-spots, where people are forced to evade treacherous puddles of pee, lurking in the darkest corners.

“People urinating on the streets of France is a serious problem,” one of the inventors told The Local. The device known as "Uritrottoir” is an elaborate mix of an urinal and a flowerpot, designed by the Faltazi company based in Nantes. The urinal is made of a sturdy material, coated with an anti-graffiti paint and boasts a mini-parterre on top.

pipi sauvage has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

 

[TSP-roulette]

 

[burrocrat]

well, there goes my disability payment...

(warning, semi-graphic)

Man with world's biggest penis Roberto Cabrera registered disabled | World | News | Express.co.uk

He added: "I am happy with my penis and I wish to go back to the USA and spend the rest of my life over there. "I don't feel sad because I know in the USA there is a lot of women. One of them will be the right size for me.”

 

[burrocrat]

Argentinian women will protest topless to claim right to sunbathe bare-chested | Fox News

Hundreds of women are expected to take to the streets topless in several Argentinian cities Tuesday, claiming their right to enjoy a day at the beach bare-chested “just like men do.”
The so-called “Tetazos” protest follows a week of escalating tensions over an incident in which three women sunbathing topless on a public beach were ordered by cops to put their bikini tops back on.

i don't know about you guys, but i don't see any downside here. tetazos!

 

[burrocrat]

Florida woman suing Mexican restaurant after falling off popular donkey statue | Fox News

Kimberly Bonn was dining at the El Jalisco in Southland on Aug. 31, 2015 when she attempted to climb atop a built-to-scale "burro" statue in the restaurant’s dining area to pose for a picture-- a popular pasttime for many of the restaurant's patrons.
As she was attempting to mount the fake donkey, however, Bonn says she slipped off the statue and broke her back. She is claiming that the restaurant as it fault for the accident due to a lack of safety features, such as a steps, a ladder, or a non-slip saddle, causing her to slide off the “smooth and slick” surface of the statue.

uuhhh, that's not the way i seen it done in tijuana.

 

[RazorCat]

Florida woman suing Mexican restaurant after falling off popular donkey statue | Fox News



uuhhh, that's not the way i seen it done in tijuana.

The fact she "attempted" to climb on the donkey doesn't make her feel enough like an idiot, so she removes all doubt by suing when said donkey bucks her off. Maybe she wasn't the donkey's type. Donkey rejection is a hard thing to accept.
And I don't recall any of those Tijuana donkeys being that selective.

One customer commented, "Did the donkey buck her off? When will people take responsibility for themselves? Any reason to squeeze money out of someone. Guess they'll need to get people to sign a liability waiver before taking photos with the donkey from now on. #ForTheDonkey"

 

[burrocrat]

Woman reportedly shoots boyfriend over cold taco | Fox News

investigators say the woman and a male companion were at a taco truck in north Houston early Monday morning when the incident occurred. According to police, the woman became infuriated after she reportedly asked the taco truck worker to reheat her taco and was told no.

The boyfriend was rushed to the hospital and is expected to survive his injury. There was no word on what happened to the taco.

boys, let this be a lesson to you, do not let your woman's taco get cold, there is no possible way that scenario will end well for you.

 

[Warrenlm]

Golfer walks too close to a pond and gator takes him. He remembers to poke the gator in the eye when he's waist deep and gator releases him.
http://www.grindtv.com/wildlife/all...gets-foiled-putter-video/#lTB1rl4I0aZ8JjoI.97

Alligators and crocodiles are loathsome creatures. Advocates for their protection in Florida ought to be staked out in the ponds as bait.

 

[nnuut]

Now you know why the Putter is the most important club, in Florida.

 

[RazorCat]

Woman reportedly shoots boyfriend over cold taco | Fox News



boys, let this be a lesson to you, do not let your woman's taco get cold, there is no possible way that scenario will end well for you.

Amendment: Do not let your significant others taco cool down to the point where they have to ask a stranger to warm it up for them. Be proactive. Keep that taco warm. It could be a matter of life or death.

 

[burrocrat]

Playboy returns to nudity in new issue | Fox News

Playboy is bringing nudity back. After the men’s lifestyle magazine stopped featuring nude pictorials in 2015, the nude shots are making a comeback with Playboy's March/April 2017 issue featuring topless Playmate Elizabeth Elam as Miss March 2017, along with the headline “Naked is normal.”

One thing Playboy did eliminate with the latest issue is the phrase “Entertainment for Men” from the cover.
“Playboy will always be a lifestyle brand focused on men’s interests, but as gender roles continue to evolve in society, so will we,” explained Cooper.

well, i guess that whole "only read it for the articles" lie is exposed now.

 

[burrocrat]

Alpha by day, beta by night: How to make love last | Fox News

The concept behind "The Alpha Female’s Guide"is simple: If women want a low-conflict, intimate marriage, they must use a different approach when dealing with their husbands than the one they use as mothers and as professionals.
I’m not a genius, of course. I simply learned something the hard way that I believe is valuable. And that is this: A woman can be a force to be reckoned with, or an “alpha,” in life and a soft, vulnerable beta in love. She doesn’t have to walk around with her alpha all the time. She can relax at home and let her man drive the bus.

I can hear the voices now. “But my husband won’t step up to the plate! He’s lazy, and he expects me to do everything!” Maybe. Or perhaps he’s just used to you doing everything. Perhaps he knows you expect him to fail. People tend to live up to our expectations.

i think many men would prefer a tiger at night, but beta is cool too. there's even a quiz.

 

[alevin]

truly screwy development of safe space concept, which was already pretty screwy. Imo. Although I do agree that the Dalai is no innocent.

The Road To Hell Was Paved With College Safe Spaces | Zero Hedge

 

[burrocrat]

https://www.rt.com/viral/377844-iron-crotch-kung-fu/

The video shows the master and his disciples taking blows to their testicles with hands, feet and even a medieval looking device suitable for breaching gates. The master claims that his art is rapidly gaining popularity with the emergence of new schools following the path of ‘Iron Crotch.'
Witnesses to the training session in the Chinese city of Luoyang seemed to be fascinated, admiring the 'ballsy' courage and toughness of the Kung Fu enthusiasts.
“I am shocked,” said one passerby. “It is supposed to be the weakest part of a man, but it is the strongest part of a man now. I am so shocked.”

i'm crossing "learn kung-fu" off my list.

 

[RazorCat]

Yeah, the path of the Iron Crotch move was taught in the Aikido and Shotokan training I took over the years. I attempted to master it. In the end, I found "icing" to be quite effective.

 

[burrocrat]

I found "icing" to be quite effective.

you mean like this?

People are freezing their genitals to 'spice up' their sex life - and improve their appearance - Mirror Online

 

[RazorCat]

you mean like this?

People are freezing their genitals to 'spice up' their sex life - and improve their appearance - Mirror Online

I prefer to keep my "ice cubes" in a glass.

 

[burrocrat]

50 Shades of Phoenix: Arizona gov candidate spills spicy sex life details | Fox News

Noah ‘Noe’ Dyer, running a longshot campaign to grab the Democratic nomination and unseat sitting Republican Gov. Doug Ducey, is positioning himself as a pragmatic moderate who has only recently switched his affiliation to the Democrats.

“Noah has had both deep and casual sexual experiences with all kinds of women. He is an advocate of open relationships,” his campaign website says. “He’s had group sex and sex with married women. He has sent and received intimate texts and pictures, and occasionally recorded video during sex. Noah has always been forthright with his partners.”

“Our political dialogue is broken. People, for the most part, aren’t crazy blue or crazy red. Most people want to judge politicians and the issues on the merits, but our dialogue is so crazy, everyone’s a villain and everyone who disagrees with you is stupid.”

well, after the massive hillary rejection last time around, it seems the dems are pulling out all the stops for the up and coming election.

look out po and fog, i'm reconsidering phoenix as a retirement destination, we could be neighbors!

 

[burrocrat]

Florida homeowner uses martial arts to stop alleged burglar | Fox News

A Florida homeowner said he used his martial arts training to apprehend an alleged burglar who was stealing from his home.

Burch said he walked into the garage to see Ortiz holding his jackhammer and airgun cases. Ortiz told him that his boss sent him to pick up tools from Burch’s house. He then tried to flee.

Ortiz’s broken nose and black eye were on full display in his mugshot after he was arrested and charged with grand theft and burglary.

bungling burglar: "fu, jefe say take these tools"

hunky homeowner: "kung fu, i say take this, tool"

apparently the cops took so long to arrive that as the homeowner kept tool thief pinned to ground waiting, he had extra time to apply some facial contouring and a suhweet bowl cut to help him "represent" in the pen.