Screwy News

[burrocrat]

Motorcycle rider beheaded in San Bernardino freak accident | Fox News

this is why i'm not an electrician or ride motorcycles.

and what is up with san bernadino? why does all the bad stuff happen there? i wouldn't live in san bernadina if you gave me a free duplex and a mexican wife with 3 kids.

well, maybe i could change my mind about san bernadino.

 

[konakathy]

Teen arrested in Louisiana for swearing in front of senior citizen

Teen arrested in Louisiana for swearing in front of senior citizen | KXAN.com

“While standing next to my 75-year-old complainant, Jared yelled the word ‘f***’ and clearly disturbed her peace.”

Maybe she bit too hard.

 

[jpcavin]

Fun Facts

Earth Day leader killed, composted girlfriend - Technology & science - Science - LiveScience | NBC News

 

[konakathy]

Have you got the bottle for 'beer yoga'?

A fitness craze from Germany combining yoga poses while drinking beer is gaining popularity in Asia.

Have you got the bottle for 'beer yoga'? - BBC News

I thought it was supposed to be about emptying your mind, freeing your consciousness and having a spiritual awakening. Adding yoga will just ruin the beer drinking experience.

 

[burrocrat]

https://www.google.com/amp/www.foxn...d-sex-with-goldie-hawn-on-first-date.amp.html

[FONT=&quot]“We had to break into the place to get in so the next thing I see is a flashlight and Goldie and I are like what? It was bizarre and weird. We were told to go get a hotel room which we did. That was our first date. It was a lot of fun I can’t believe it was a long time ago.”[/FONT]

hmmm, got both the "breaking" and "entering" parts covered,

 

[konakathy]

[h=1]Long-time Iowa farm cartoonist fired after creating this cartoon[/h]Long-time Iowa farm cartoonist fired after creating this cartoon



Sad! Bigly.

 

[burrocrat]

Biker mauled by buffalo sues South Dakota ranchers | North Dakota News | bismarcktribune.com

a buffalo cow charged Heidrich, knocking her off her motorcycle and stomping on her head.

here's an interesting fact: things happen out in the real world. and a word of advice: don't be in front of a bison. idiot. this is basic stuff folks.

 

[burrocrat]

here's the thing about beef, a commercial bull can put you on the rail and cave your chest in bashing you with his head, i've seen it happen. a beef cow can kick hard, don't get between her and her calf, but you can usually avoid the punishment. bison? no way. they are a different breed and plus they have some kind of magic in them. that hoof came down an inch from my face, barely missed, nicked my ear and stomped dust, on purpose. i only deal with bison now outside the fence. skeered and they can tell. the only thing harder to control is a woman, good luck with both. chk chk hiyaa, git on up!

 

[burrocrat]

McFeely: Update: Cleanup Week boat has been claimed | INFORUM

You see odd stuff on the boulevards of Moorhead and Fargo during Cleanup Week, when the cities’ sanitation departments offer to haul away almost anything for free — and many people roam the streets in their pickups and vans hoping to scavenge useful freebies. It’s a form of “American Pickers” that plays out each spring around here.


So if you’re looking for a free boat, there is one sitting out front of the Witts’ house in north Moorhead.

aahhh, spring is here, you can tell by the stuff on the street, everybody drives around and checks out each other's junk. we call it "curb shopping" (or if your name is mackelmore - "poppin tags"). it's like a ritual or something.

 

[burrocrat]

Tennessee woman beats home invasion suspect with baseball bat | Fox News

A home invasion went horribly wrong for a man who tried to rob a woman. Police say the diminutive 52-year-old woman who lives there grabbed a bat and started hitting him in the face.

Police say the victim was a foot shorter and 100 pounds lighter than the suspect but that didn't stop her from teaching him a painful lesson.

not hard enough honey, not hard enough.

 

[jpcavin]

World Naked Gardening Day is May 6th

 

[Warrenlm]

MARINE CORPS BASE QUANTICO, Virginia — In a cramped office at the Marines' Quantico base outside Washington, about 20 investigators sit elbow to elbow, staring into their computers as images of naked men and women flash across the screens. On the walls are white boards with statistics, crime lists and a montage of social media messages directed to the Naval Criminal Investigative Service.
The objective of this disturbing sleuth work: Rooting out the extent of a nude photo-sharing scandal that has rocked the Corps, embarrassed its leaders and spread to other military services. And the sheer scope of the job is daunting.
"If you do that eight to 10 hours a day, five days a week, you get pretty burned out," NCIS Director Andrew Traver said in an interview. New agents cycled in after the first month, he said, "just because of the burnout factor, especially the ones that are doing the image review."

https://www.stripes.com/news/marine...ages-in-photo-scandal-at-marine-base-1.467013

Not sure if this fits in "Screwy" or in "Job Opportunity"

 

[burrocrat]

Trayvon Martin receives posthumous aeronautical science degree | Fox News

A South Florida university awarded an honorary degree to Trayvon Martin

so basically they're saying "space cadet"?

 

[nnuut]

WHAT?

 

[burrocrat]

Florida woman calls police worried semen in thermos might explode | Fox News

A Florida woman trying to get pregnant via artificial insemination called police because she feared the thermos she was using to store sperm and dry ice might explode.

the story is a bit light on detail, i am more interested in the collection method not the storage problems.

 

[Warrenlm]

Margate man acquitted in murder case after oral-sex defense - Sun Sentinel

Margate man acquitted in murder case after oral-sex defense

 

[burrocrat]

that just ain't right.

 

[burrocrat]

Unfinished sign reads 'sex' on water tower | INFORUM

"We kind of like the honks when they go by and a little bit of the road traffic," said Sheets.
Sheets says the "sex" sign will be painted over soon, but they still have to paint the other side of the tower and he can't guarantee it won't happen again.

 

[burrocrat]

Ocean City, Maryland city council passes emergency bill banning public nudity | Fox News

The ordinance states “there is no constitutional right for an individual to appear in public nude or in a state of nudity. Whatever personal right one has to be nude or in a state of nudity that right becomes subject to government interest and regulation when one seeks to exercise it in public.”

The legislation also says that the “equal protection clause does not demand that things that are different in fact be treated the same in law, nor that a government pretend there are no physiological differences between men and women.”

well, looks like i'm crossing maryland off my bucket list.

 

[evilanne]

Here some alternatives for you burro the-50-best-topless-beaches-and-pools-in-the-world (its from a few years ago so you may need to verify any US locations)