Screwy News

[evilanne]

Mick Jagger makes financial deal with ballerina carrying his eighth child: report
well, for $180k per year and a free house i would probably have screwed mick jagger too.

I think that would require Immaculate Conception & you probably don't have the required plumbing :laughing:

 

[burrocrat]

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/16859...is-girlfriend-causes-blood-clot-to-the-brain/

Julio Macias Gonzalez, a 17-year-old from Mexico City, raised alarm among his family when he began convulsing at the dinner table.

It is believed the suction from the love bite was the cause of the clot which travelled to his brain, triggering a stroke.

The young man’s family are blaming his 24-year-old girlfriend for his death but she has now disappeared.

first thought was "which brain?" but there are just too many things wrong with this story.

and i am never letting an older latina give me a hickey, ever again.

 

[burrocrat]

Trenton woman shoved through store window after declining sex, cops say | NJ.com

[FONT=&quot]A Willingboro man is facing charges he threw a woman into a store window after she declined to have sex with him, police said.[/FONT]

 

[burrocrat]

Men at bra company forced to feel the pain of having boobs | New York Post

He didn’t get much support from the men — who quickly began complaining about sore backs and sore shoulders.

But the unmoved Van Doorselaere said his plan was no bust and planned to milk it for all it’s worth.

you can't make this stuff up. i think this is a job i could really get into.

 

[RazorCat]

Men at bra company forced to feel the pain of having boobs | New York Post



you can't make this stuff up. i think this is a job i could really get into.

I read the story. Those guys boss is a real boob.:hump:

 

[jpcavin]

"Mom, I'm having impure thoughts."

 

[burrocrat]

at first i thought the shorts said "cherries" and i said no i am too old for that. then i saw that they said "cheer!!" and i decided well they must be seniors so at least 18, right? the mind sometimes can play tricks, but don't let it stop you. and i am still too old for that, in fact i can't even watch a high school volleyball game anymore even if my son wants to visit with and support his girlfriend because when i was growing up there is no way any mom would let her little girl out of the house dressed like they do with advertisements on their ass let along pick alternately pick them out of their butt and adjust their sports bra on the public stage. life is strange. can we please go back to the 'footloose' times, i liked those better?

 

[burrocrat]

Mint employee may have smuggled gold where the sun don't shine - CNN.com

An employee at the Royal Canadian Mint is accused of smuggling $180K worth of gold in his rectum. There is absolutely nothing funny about that. Stop it. Stop making jokes in your head.

During testimony it was revealed Lawrence set off the metal detectors at work more than other employees, but they never seemed to find anything on him. Perhaps they were using the wrong preposition?

Also, the judge presiding over the case is Justice Peter Doody. Goodbye.

 

[jpcavin]

Denzel Washington (Not The Actor) Accused Of Choking Aretha Franklin (Not The Singer) | Huffington Post

 

[Warrenlm]

http://www.cnbc.com/2016/10/07/buff...to-green-bay-packers-receiver-jared-cook.html

 

[Warrenlm]

This exchange between apartment neighbors


https://medium.com/@SonofBaldwin/white-noise-a1009e2dd16#.vhvhlt3v9

became this story
Black Man’s Letter To His Passive-Aggressive White Neighbors Is A Must-Read
Black Man?

 

[burrocrat]

Missouri man accused of conning women into buying him luxury cars | Fox News

KMOV-TV reported Saturday that Timothy Rossell, 28, drew some suspicions when he was seen driving around Union in a $200,000 white Lamborghini Gallardo.
Rossell began dating women in Pennsylvania, Florida and Union, Missouri after meeting them through the matchmaking service Plenty of Fish, authorities said. Rossell convinced each of the women to buy him a luxury vehicle in which he would drive and then sell. However, he claimed the cars were stolen.

While using the name Rosselli, he had racked up active arrest warrants in two Missouri counties. One in Gasconcade County in 2012 for a felony theft case and another in Ste. Genevieve County in 2013 involving a misdemeanor stealing case involving two puppies.

dang, a lamborghini? that is some high-class talkin, smooth. but dude, why did you steal the two puppies? why risk it all for two puppies? crazy stuff.

 

[burrocrat]

10,000 endangered 'scrotum' frogs found dead near Lake Titicaca | Fox News Latino

Peru’s rare and endangered Titicaca water frogs are in even more trouble now, after 10,0000 of them turned up dead along the Coata River in Puno.The river, which feeds into Lake Titicaca, serves as a water source for a number of villages in the region, but it is also used as a dumping site by locals, according scientists in the field working with the Denver Zoo to preserve the endangered amphibians.

oh! no no no no no! you cannot just say scrotum frogs and tittie and caca and dumping in the same paragraph, you have to slow it down and spread it out some.

what confuses me is if there are 10k frogs dead in one event but not extinct already, were they really endangered?

i'm going to have to think on this one for awhile.

 

[burrocrat]

Protests after Wonder Woman named to honorary UN post | Fox News

The carefully choreographed ceremony was marred by some 50 U.N. staffers protesting by the visitors' entrance to the U.N., who then went inside the Economic and Social Council chamber and silently turned their back to the stage during the opening speech, some with their fists in the air.

U.N. staffer Cass DuRant, who held a sign saying "Real Women Deserve a Real Ambassador," said the protesters "don't think that a fictitious comic book characters wearing basically what looks like a Playboy-type bunny outfit is really the right message we need to send to girls or even boys for that matter."

so that's what wonder woman is worth? $8 billion per year?

 

[Buster]

King Tutankhamun was mummified with an erect penis


Experts Claim King Tut Was Buried With a Boner | GQ

He should have seeked medical attention after four hours......

 

[jpcavin]

I'm just the messenger......

Madonna Offers Oral Sex in Exchange for Hillary Clinton Votes

 

[burrocrat]

that reminds me of an old joke...

a good friend is one who goes to town and gets two head jobs, then comes back and gives you one

 

[Warrenlm]

https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/ec03c9e5-6842-32e1-827b-ea139c56a2d7/ss_woman-rams-squad-car-while.html

BRYAN, Texas — Police say a 19-year-old Texas A&M University student who rear-ended a squad car told an officer she was taking a topless selfie. Miranda Kay Rader posted $200 bond after she was charged with drunken driving and possessing alcohol as a minor. A police report says an officer was checking a reported disturbance when he heard brakes squeal and an SUV slam into the patrol car behind him. Rader told the officer she was taking a topless selfie of herself to Snapchat to her boyfriend. Police say an open bottle of wine was in her console cup holder. ...

 

[Warrenlm]

A young woman was undergoing surgery at Tokyo Medical University Hospital when she farted and sparked a fire

A patient has been left badly burnt after she farted during surgery and caused a laser to burst into flames.
The unnamed woman, in her 30s, was undergoing surgery at Tokyo Medical University Hospital which involved a laser being applied to her cervix.

Hospital patient seriously burnt after 'farting' during cervix surgery and causing laser to burst into flames - Mirror Online

 

[burrocrat]

How dirty is your mind? How you see this optical illusion will decide - Mirror Online

Mainly, the befuddlement arrives because people are convinced the picture depicts an abstract drawing of a woman, her torso and hips, her sizeable pair of breasts.

Some people see two stick men fervently dancing. The curves are their legs and the dots are their heads. The image remains abstract, but has a far less raunchy meaning.

According to psychologists, the brain can see the two images almost simultaneously – but one dominates, depending on your experiences and thoughts.

so ok ok, after they said it i can see how it might could possibly be two dancing men. but if you scroll down to the next one "two lovers" or "9 dolphins swimming in the sea", i have to be honest and say i can't even find one dolphin in that painting, nine?.