Screwy News

Sort by newest Sort by date
Zika: CDC wants to collect semen from men who had Zika - CNN.com

finally! somebody wants it!

The men are asked to make about a dozen donations in their homes every other week for six months after their illness, and each time are given a $50 multi-use gift card.
Click to expand...

oh that is easy! and the gift card thing is a nice touch, much better than just leaving cash on the nightstand.

"I'm happy to say patients really have been quite receptive about volunteering their specimens," said Dr. Paul Mead, the senior epidemiologist at the CDC who is running the study. "They seem to understand the importance of the study."
Click to expand...

well duh, 'importance of the study', uh yeah, that's it.

"The response has been amazing. People have welcomed strangers to come and get their bodily fluids," said Dr. Gabriela Paz-Bailey, the investigation's lead researcher.
Click to expand...

isn't that what bars are for?

so get this, i did the math... at 12 donations for $50 per week, that is like, uh, making $100 an hour! and it don't even hardly seem like work, and i was going to do it anyways, now i can get paid for it! this is the greatest idea ever!
 
burrocrat said:
Zika: CDC wants to collect semen from men who had Zika - CNN.com

finally! somebody wants it!



oh that is easy! and the gift card thing is a nice touch, much better than just leaving cash on the nightstand.



well duh, 'importance of the study', uh yeah, that's it.



isn't that what bars are for?

so get this, i did the math... at 12 donations for $50 per week, that is like, uh, making $100 an hour! and it don't even hardly seem like work, and i was going to do it anyways, now i can get paid for it! this is the greatest idea ever!
Click to expand...

OMG! *smh* Hey! Willy Wanker! Before you start prematurely oiling the glove, the article says you have to have had the virus. Have you? Do they have those Zika skeeters in North Dakota? If you have had the virus I think you found yourself a lubricate deal. :laugh: :ban:
 
konakathy said:
OMG! *smh* Hey! Willy Wanker! Before you start prematurely oiling the glove, the article says you have to have had the virus. Have you? Do they have those Zika skeeters in North Dakota? If you have had the virus I think you found yourself a lubricate deal. :laugh: :ban:
Click to expand...

uh, no? not yet. but i wouldn't kick a south east asian gal i might catch it from out of bed for eating crackers? does that count?
 
Italian restaurant sees surge in business after posting controversial 'Black Olives Matter' sign | Fox News

“Our phone has also been ringing off the hook with people making reservations. People are placing carry-out orders in the high hundreds,” says the restaurant owner. “And they’re asking for black olives on everything. Black olives on the salad, ‘I’ll have extra black olives on my sausage sandwich’—we’ve had to order more from our supplier.”
Click to expand...

i am going to pass on the sausage sandwich offer, thanks.

“The posted sign at Paisano’s Restaurant that included the phrase ‘Black Olives Matter’ is a nice marketing idea,” Harold Bailey wrote. “However, with all of the national uproar, demonstrations and marches, regarding the shooting of African American men and youth by police officers, the Albuquerque NAACP feels that it was in bad taste….
Click to expand...

bad taste? are you kidding me? pun intended?

“Our intention was never to offend or hurt anybody,” he says, “But all of this just says a lot about the state of our society when you can’t even make a simple statement about a fruit without people attacking you. People may need to recalibrate their politically correct meter.”
Click to expand...

i agree.
 
McDuck said:
to-avoid-malaria-try-sleeping-with-a-chicken-at-your-bedside
Study: A Species Of Mosquito That Carries Malaria Appears To Be Repelled By The Smell Of Chicken : Goats and Soda : NPR
Click to expand...

that is kind of creepy don't you think? i mean what is the chicken supposed to do while, uhhh, getting your game on? they have ears you know. that's just not right. how do you explain it to the other wrestling partner? what are you supposed to do when at the moment the chicken starts squawking "****-a-doodle-doodle-do"?
 
Woman alleges she was 'sexually assaulted' by Wee Wee toy in hibachi restaurant | Fox News

Pull down Wee Pee the Wee Wee Squirting Boy’s short pants and he does what little boys have been doing ever since human beings learned how to stand on their own two feet. The toy, which has been around since the 1940s, is 8-inches-tall and works just like a water gun...The cops rushed to the scene of the crime and, according to the incident report, James Lassiter “stated the toy figure had a penis and his wife felt sexually assaulted.”
The officer then spoke to the cook, who “showed me the toy. I observed the toy to have no penis and just a hole for the water to shoot out. I then spoke to Mrs. Isabelle, who stated that she was assaulted by the toy which shot water at her.”
No charges have been filed, meaning Wee Wee almost certainly won’t be spending any nights in a plastic jail.
Click to expand...
 
I wish you could book people for being stupid..You know...like when people are drunk they use a breathalizer....wish there was a stupidizer....:D::blink::blink:

FS
 
Some screwy news on Brasil.
Researchers found that many of the beaches in Rio de Janeiro have been long contaminated with raw sewage, household garbage, and even dead bodies, creating hazardous swimming conditions for the 500,000 people expected to descend on the city in August.
“Foreign athletes will literally be swimming in human crap, and they risk getting sick from all those microorganisms,” Rio paediatrician Dr Daniel Becker told the New York Times. “It’s sad but also worrisome.”
The Brazilian government had promised to clean the pathogen-infested Guanabara Bay in 2014, but those efforts failed. snip
“They can try to block big items like sofas and dead bodies, but these rivers are pure sludge,” he said, “so the bacteria and viruses are going to just pass through.”
“We just have to keep our mouths closed,” said 24-year-old Afrodite Zegers of the Dutch sailing team – one of the 10,000 athletes from 205 countries competing in Brazil.
Scientists and researchers found a wide array of disease-causing viruses and bacteria that can cause ailments such as diarrhea, vomiting, and death in people will poor immune systems.
The International Olympic Committee maintained that the waters where athletes will compete meet World Health Organisation safety standards.
Click to expand...
Rio 2016: Athletes warned to keep mouths closed while in faeces-infested water | Olympics | Sport | The Independent

Of course the main issue for liberals participating or attending is to find out if they have made progress on transgender bathroom of choice requirements.
 
Burglar dies after 68-year-old homeowner ties him to tree with

Johnson told authorities that someone knocked on his front door before midnight, Al.com reported. Johnson did not answer and continued to wait as he heard the person move to the back door and break the lock, Al.com reported.
Johnson told police that he confronted the person, prompting the suspected burglar to fall or jump off the back steps,

Police said that after restraining Gully’s hands, Johnson placed duct tape over his mouth and tied the man to a tree using rudimentary materials — electrical wire, rope from a clothesline and masking tape.


Stringer told AL.com that Gully — who lives nearby and had a reputation for breaking into homes — had cuts around his body from the wire used to tie him up but no other visible injuries. Johnson was not armed with a weapon at the time, Stringer said.
Johnson’s niece, Simone Johnson, told WALA that Gully’s death has left many people in pain.
“He doesn’t bother anybody,” she said, referring to her uncle. “He’ll help you if you need helping, so the family just hates what happened. I know the other guy. His family is hurting, too, but we are also and we hate that, and I hope that we can just get this resolved soon.”

“We will probably present it to the grand jury to see what they say about it,” he added.
Click to expand...

number 1, the problem has already been resolved, honey.

number 2, i can save you the trouble and expense of a grand jury, it was his own stupidity what killed that burglar.
 
'Sausage Party' feasts on the box office as 'Suicide Squad' tumbles - Aug. 14, 2016
Sausage Party," the studio's raunchy R-rated animated comedy about talking food, brought in $33.6 million at the North American box office this weekend. That beat industry projections that the film would open to $10 million to $15 million over the weekend.
The debut for film, which stars Seth Rogen as a hot dog named (yup, you guessed it) Frank, was also nearly double the comedy's $19 million budget.
Click to expand...

uhhh, i am just going to leave this one alone.
 
Mick Jagger makes financial deal with ballerina carrying his eighth child: report

The Rolling Stones frontman, 73, has negotiated a financial deal with ballerina Melanie Hamrick, 29 -- who's pregnant with his eighth child -- to provide for her and the baby after the little one arrives in December, reports Britain's Mirror.

Although Mick was said to have been surprised by the pregnancy news, which first made headlines in July, he's prepared to give Melanie a five-figure sum every month -- $15,000 is the amount currently being reported -- until their child reaches adulthood.
Click to expand...

well, for $180k per year and a free house i would probably have screwed mick jagger too.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

JTH
USA Spending .Gov
Replies
16
Views
725
James48843
James48843
J
When to withdraw (public safety retiree)
Replies
13
Views
396
nasa1974
nasa1974
tsptalk
  • Article Article
Stock funds explode on the China trade deal
Replies
2
Views
241
tsptalk
tsptalk
tsptalk
  • Article Article
Stocks bounce bad from steep morning losses
Replies
0
Views
172
tsptalk
tsptalk
JTH
  • Article Article
S&P 500: Week-10
Replies
1
Views
275
JTH
JTH
Back
Top