Screwy News

[burrocrat]

This nut-chewing habit is linked to thousands of deaths | Fox News

Free screenings and other programs helped cut men's chewing rates in half two years ago, the BBC notes.

this is one of those times where i am thankful i don't have a nut chewing habit. plus it makes it easier to hire a baker or reserve a florist.

 

[burrocrat]

School worker arrested after barricading in the classroom, stripping naked in front of children | Fox News Latino

A 31-year-old after-school assistant was facing felony charges of child endangerment and false imprisonment Friday after barricading herself and students inside a Lemon Grove classroom and then taking off her clothes as she struggled with school staff who came to the children’s rescue.

oh man, how come my teachers never did that?

 

[burrocrat]

Couple Arrested for Selling “Tickets to Heaven” | CelebTriCity

Tito and Amanda Watts were arrested over the weekend for selling “golden tickets to heaven” to hundreds of people. The couple, who sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 per ticket, told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold and each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven — simply present the ticket at the pearly gates and you’re in.

if it was that easy why did jesus spend 3 days in a tomb? save your $100 bucks kids.

 

[alevin]

Those 2 are crack(ed)pots-literally. wonder if everyone they sold to was also high on crack.

 

[burrocrat]

Bloomberg Business

View attachment 33257

The U.S. economy looks set to come out of its soft patch just as the labor market entered one of its own.

ok, that is enough. twice now in the last couple months, when the market starts to tank, bloomberg posts a story about how good the economy is with pictures of folks in plastic suits who got jobs handling wieners. this time it is two chicks tossing wieners into boiling water, last time it was 4 dudes sticking wieners in buns. from the same factory! two months apart!

now i may be dutch, but i'm not dumb. really michael? wieners? a soft patch? again?

the market is rigged, and it is going down hard. i can read the signs.

 

[burrocrat]

Grilled cheese lovers have more sex, study says | Fox News

Not only do grilled cheese lovers have more sex, they also have bigger hearts and are more adventurous, the study discovered.

i think i am going to start making grilled cheese more often. i used to do it a lot when i was younger, so i think there may be some truth to this study. but i already have a big heart and am plenty adventurous, so i hope most of the benefits go straight to the sex department.

 

[Warrenlm]

Authorities say a south Georgia man shot an armadillo, but ended up accidentally wounding his mother-in-law when the bullet ricocheted off the mammal known for its hard shell.

Georgia man kills armadillo, but ricochet gunshot hits mother-in-law - CBS News

Some insensitive men might call this a two-fer.

 

[burrocrat]

Georgia man kills armadillo, but ricochet gunshot hits mother-in-law - CBS News

Some insensitive men might call this a two-fer.

two-fer.

 

[burrocrat]

dang. hate to see you go, but love to watch you leave.

Frederick's of Hollywood closes all of its stores

that's ok, i always prefered basic white bikinis and a smile anyways.

 

[burrocrat]

soooo, i was reading the aarp website maybe looking for tips to better understand any potential sugar mama, and i stumble across this gem.

Single Older Cougar Women Dating Younger Men - AARP

While there’s no denying that cougars are slinking into the mainstream, there’s still an element of taboo surrounding these age-spanning relationships.

“It’s definitely considered creepier for women to go out with younger men,”

 

[jpcavin]

soooo, i was reading the aarp website maybe looking for tips to better understand any potential sugar mama, and i stumble across this gem.

Single Older Cougar Women Dating Younger Men - AARP

"He makes me feel just like a rockstar."

 

[nnuut]

When you're my age Cougars are out of the question!

 

[burrocrat]

apparently there is a whole 'nother side to this coin.

Older Men Dating Younger Women, Why Men Like Younger Mates, Dating – AARP

there are usually only two main reasons a woman wants to be with a man so much older than her: security and money.

dang. well that explains why the young gals don't like me then. huh, all this time i've been sowing the wrong fields, who knew?

 

[burrocrat]

Brittney Griner, Fiancee Arrested: Latest Details, Mugshot and More | Bleacher Report

Phoenix Mercury center Brittney Griner and her fiancee, Tulsa Shock forward Glory Johnson, were reportedly arrested Wednesday following allegations of assault and disorderly conduct. The WNBA players were released from custody early Thursday.

I wonder if the NBA has a domestic violence policy similar to the NFL and other major sports leagues?

 

[wavecoder]

When you're my age Cougars are out of the question!

GILFs?

 

[nnuut]

GILFs?

I'm not too good with acronyms?

 

[TSP-roulette]

I'm not too good with acronyms?

Here Norm, the answer to your "not too good with acronyms", you know, the "GILF" thing....... Think "Ripe" which it's defined in dictionary as: Fully developed or matured and ready to be eaten or used. Just trying to help here.

 

[nnuut]

GILFs, interesting but I don't need a Sugar Mama I need a Sexy Mama!

 

[TSP-roulette]

Ok, you asked, here's your Mamacita.

 

[nnuut]

Mamacita, Mamacita qualifies!