Screwy News

Bruce Jenner involved in deadly 3-vehicle Malibu crash | Fox News

Jenner claims he was being chased by five paparazzi vehicles when the accident occurred, law enforcement sources said.

Jenner’s vehicle rear-ended a white Lexus driven by a woman.

rear-ended? chased by paparazzi? well duh, that's what happens when you are a famous personality and publically advertise your impending lopitophomy.

and how do they know it was a woman it the other vehicle? is it possible it could have been a man trapped in a woman's body?

i don't know if any of you have been following bruce's gender journey, but i find it fascinating, like a train wreck. i know why he did it though. no, not the plumbing remodel, the car homocide.

it was probably running out of money to complete the surgical transition. so you just kill someone in california where they will put you in prison and bill the taxpayers for your gender reassignment therapy.

i wonder what it's new name is going to be? bruce gender? jennifer bruce? inquiring minds want to know. i guess i'll just have to wait for the barbara walters interview. do they even let you interview with barbara walters in prison?

it must be true, because you couldn't make this stuff up if you tried. total freak show.
 
in case you are searching for that last minute gift for your valentine, this is probably not it. besides, they're sold out, which is a sorry statement on the condition of the world today if you ask me.

at least they're belgian chocolates. and you got to hand it to the guy, i've said alot of things to alot of people at bus stops, but it never ocurred to me to try whatever line he must've come up with to secure that model. i mean how do you even start a conversation like that? 'excuse me honey do you mind if i pour chocolate in your rear?', 'what did you say? i can't hear you.', 'no, no, not your ear'...

https://munchies.vice.com/articles/nothing-says-i-love-you-like-a-chocolate-anus

After failing at attempts to make a mould from his own anus (unsurprisingly, the results were “disastrous and messy”), Irvin enlisted the help of a woman he met at a bus stop, who obligingly let him cast hers.
 
Gives a whole new meaning to "kiss my a**".

We have a company here called Malley's and they are a very popular candy company. For valentines day they are selling "whole" chocolate covered bananas. I'm guessing they are peeled. As well as chocolate covered strawberries and grapes.
 
Suit yourself: Utah court lets woman sue herself over fatal wreck | Fox News

Now, a Utah court has ruled Bagley, the representative of her late husband's estate, may sue Bagley the driver in the fatal accident for wrongful death. In her suit, Bagley accuses herself of being negligent for failing to maintain a proper lookout and to keep her vehicle under proper control. She seeks an unspecified amount of money for damages that include medical and funeral expenses; loss of past and future financial support; the physical pain her husband suffered before he died from his injuries; and the loss of his love and companionship.

"It was a horrible day for me," Bagley recalled at the time. "But something inside me told me Dooley was still alive out there. I wasn't 100 percent sure, but I didn't grieve for Dooley like I did for my husband and our other dog."

crazy. i have thought up a lot of insurance scams, but this one takes the cake.
 
How do you spell Tort Reform?

'el torte de reformo'.

hire yourself a young hungry latina attorney. they just will not lose. they don't quit. trust me on this one. if you are ever in need of legal represention in a court of law, retain the hispanic chick.

give her the checkbook, stand back, and watch out. nobody has fire like them, all the rest will quit long before it gets to that point.
 
i learned a brand new word today, 'teledildonics'. yep you heard right, it is like a pair of virtual reality sunglasses that lets you remotely control your partner's, uhhh, stimulation. wirelessly, bluetoothily, or whatever it's called. but presumably only if they voluntarily install it or don't take the batteries out. yep, you can do it now completely without actual human touch, through the ether.

i'm not kidding, i didn't just think this up. but i wish i had, somebody is going to get it rich.

Porn gets back to its high-tech basics as virtual reality becomes more prominent

Adult toy company OhMyBod, meanwhile, has released a pleasure product for women that can be controlled from their partner's cell phone, regardless of their location. And the product, which was on display at the International CES earlier this month, has been garnering lots of interest.
 
Treadmill test can reportedly predict chance of death within a decade - AOL.com


Treadmill stress tests generally consist of a patient walking on a treadmill and gradually increasing speed and incline. The test normally runs until the patient is exhausted or has met a predetermined goal.

this is exactly why i never get on a treadmill. test subjects pushed to exhaustion? and they wonder why so many of the treadmill study rats have heart attacks? maybe there is some some kind of link there?
 
Workers hand package skinless wieners at the Smith Provisions Co. production facility in Erie, Pennsylvania. The U.S. added 295,000 jobs last month, compared with a forecast for a 235,000 gain in a Bloomberg News survey of economists. Photographer: Ty Wright/Bloomberg

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i don't think i like this new evolving jobs economy. i'm glad folks is finding work and all, but personally i'd rather be unemployed if that job was my only option. think about it, spend 8 hours a day handling an endless parade of weiners and sticking them in buns? i'd have nightmares.
 
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