HOPE and STRENGTH

[Steadygain]

Lady,
Very few topics hold any real significance with me and the longer I have been away from the MB the more I am at peace with not trying to get back in and interact and make it such a huge part of my life. But there is something very deeply beautiful and significant for YOU and they ‘Need it’ just as badly as you.

I am so terribly sorry for all the strain and hardships you’ve been through and I know in many ways I made things hard on you, and there is no way you could ever realize how deeply I regret that.

Your GIFT probably means more to me than it even means to you and I, in the deepest sincerity, did not know how to respond. No one else could ever give me the status you did and make me believe as thoroughly as I did that there was not only something deeply sacred about me; but that I was one of the rarest and most valuable. For that, and because you have always held the highest integrity and outstanding characteristics, I went too far and was so determined to show you the highest devotion that I could NOT see the ‘Boundaries’ that define your identity AND I kept trying to cross them.

Please know that overtime I finally came to realize how WRONG I had been and I honestly and deeply learned to ‘Respect those Boundaries’.

I am NOW as scared as I was before, because I just found you are still very weak and prone to relapse and CAN NOT handle stressful interactions. So PLEASE don’t respond to this one dear friend and PLEASE KNOW that I need a ‘Rest’ from everything so I promise I sincerely have no plans or expectations of returning to the MB.

I am so deeply sorry for any attempt I made to try to describe what I thought was a ‘Spiritual Event’. Please FORGIVE me for using a language and a description that in any manner gave the appearance that I ‘crossed any Boundary’ or did anything to take from who you are and what you have so solidly been throughout. I promise you with every shred of my being that I did not in even the slightest way mean to embarrass you, to represent anything that would make you feel awkward, or to in any manner convey disrespect.

I was deeply scared for you and could NOT stop until I knew in my heart that I had done everything possible on your behalf. So I beg you to PLEASE FORGIVE ME for any manner I associated my life with your ill state of being, with death, or with life. PLEASE FORGET all that because the only thing that matters is YOU LIVE NOW.

If there is any expression of Love and Strength and Hope and Encouragement that anyone on this MB can give you – PLEASE LET THEM TRY. PLEASE LADY, I promise you don’t have to be concerned with me and I won’t even be on the MB.

There is an ENDLESS FOUNTAIN of LOVE and STRENGTH and HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT this MB can give you and in comparison nothing else has even the slightest significance. I will NOT do anything to mess things up for you – won’t even be here – okay – I promise.

Let all things end well with us - now and forever.

Steady

 

[burrocrat]

oh gawd, swore i'd never do this, but never say never, gonna get out my crayons for this one...

Lady,
Very few topics hold any real significance with me and the longer I have been away from the MB the more I am at peace with not trying to get back in and interact and make it such a huge part of my life. But there is something very deeply beautiful and significant for YOU and they ‘Need it’ just as badly as you.

jeebus crisco it's tiring watching you hold your breath until you turn blue

I am so terribly sorry for all the strain and hardships you’ve been through and I know in many ways I made things hard on you, and there is no way you could ever realize how deeply I regret that.

don't sell us short, some of us got brains bigger than our balls

Your GIFT probably means more to me than it even means to you and I, in the deepest sincerity, did not know how to respond. No one else could ever give me the status you did and make me believe as thoroughly as I did that there was not only something deeply sacred about me; but that I was one of the rarest and most valuable. For that, and because you have always held the highest integrity and outstanding characteristics, I went too far and was so determined to show you the highest devotion that I could NOT see the ‘Boundaries’ that define your identity AND I kept trying to cross them.

no sh*t sherlock, like that's the first time anybody ever did that, get over yourself

Please know that overtime I finally came to realize how WRONG I had been and I honestly and deeply learned to ‘Respect those Boundaries’.

well that's no fun

I am NOW as scared as I was before, because I just found you are still very weak and prone to relapse and CAN NOT handle stressful interactions. So PLEASE don’t respond to this one dear friend and PLEASE KNOW that I need a ‘Rest’ from everything so I promise I sincerely have no plans or expectations of returning to the MB.

i don't believe you

I am so deeply sorry for any attempt I made to try to describe what I thought was a ‘Spiritual Event’. Please FORGIVE me for using a language and a description that in any manner gave the appearance that I ‘crossed any Boundary’ or did anything to take from who you are and what you have so solidly been throughout. I promise you with every shred of my being that I did not in even the slightest way mean to embarrass you, to represent anything that would make you feel awkward, or to in any manner convey disrespect.

dude, the poll was like 10 to 1 for forgiveness for the other 1/3 of this equation, don't be afraid of this bunch, what more do you need? i'm sure the recipient of recent forgiveness would not be the type to deny another? what are you afraid of?

I was deeply scared for you and could NOT stop until I knew in my heart that I had done everything possible on your behalf. So I beg you to PLEASE FORGIVE ME for any manner I associated my life with your ill state of being, with death, or with life. PLEASE FORGET all that because the only thing that matters is YOU LIVE NOW.

done deal

If there is any expression of Love and Strength and Hope and Encouragement that anyone on this MB can give you – PLEASE LET THEM TRY. PLEASE LADY, I promise you don’t have to be concerned with me and I won’t even be on the MB.

come on back you fruity azzhat, how many others do you know that got a 4 syllable nickname, that's something to be proud of

There is an ENDLESS FOUNTAIN of LOVE and STRENGTH and HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT this MB can give you and in comparison nothing else has even the slightest significance. I will NOT do anything to mess things up for you – won’t even be here – okay – I promise.

well i was thinkin bout advertising for a new whipping boy, but afraid we won't get the same quality of applicants, we'll leave the light on for ya


Let all things end well with us - now and forever.

Steady

all is always well, forever, none of are big enough to change that, despite what we think we can do, or did

the universe is always proceeding according to plan, we just don't often have the vision to appreciate it

i'll post a poll, are you ok with that?

the words aren't quite right, i don't play that way, but seriously, are you strong enough man? please, don't leave.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ok4SRFbxALQ

 

[burrocrat]

what are you, muslim? a hot chick in a halter top with an acordian beats 72 virgins anyday. how can you resist that?

Steadygain is my friend, recent events do not change that, get over it.

you gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything.

what did the egg say to the frying pan? the yolks on you.

nothing is perfect, get used to it.

 

[poolman]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPJz3syNbtE&feature=channel

 

[nnuut]

ALRIGHT, ROCK STEADY!!

 

[burrocrat]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08e9k-c91E8

 

[burrocrat]

come on in boys the water's fine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLntqugC_EE

 

[Steadygain]

I'm sorry everyone -- I seriously have not meant to be such an idiot in all my interactions lately.

In going back over everything I now realize it is not me, specifically, holding her back and I did not understand that. I know how much we all love her and care for her and that was all I could 'acknowledge' so I simply could not fathom how she was NOT soaking it all in.

NOW - I finally do understand - that a lot of 'our collective interactions' can be stressful and that she 'herself' needs a break in general until she feels stronger and has the energy and drive to deal with everything.

Gosh, it took a long time for all that to sink in - so I'm good and whatever the future holds, we'll simply have to flow with it.

 

[poolman]

I'm sorry everyone -- I seriously have not meant to be such an idiot in all my interactions lately.

In going back over everything I now realize it is not me, specifically, holding her back and I did not understand that. I know how much we all love her and care for her and that was all I could 'acknowledge' so I simply could not fathom how she was NOT soaking it all in.

NOW - I finally do understand - that a lot of 'our collective interactions' can be stressful and that she 'herself' needs a break in general until she feels stronger and has the energy and drive to deal with everything.

Gosh, it took a long time for all that to sink in - so I'm good and whatever the future holds, we'll simply have to flow with it.

Hey Steady,

I would say just Chill and relax. Stop Worrying so much. Your OK. Be yourself. I sense that you are a worry wart. Start with a clean slate and take baby steps.

Does that make sense ?

 

[Steadygain]

Hey Steady,

I would say just Chill and relax. Stop Worrying so much. Your OK. Be yourself. I sense that you are a worry wart. Start with a clean slate and take baby steps.

Does that make sense ?

It makes a lot of sense !!

Thanks man -- hope all is going well.


BTW - do you remember who the TOP Investor was in ...ummm 2008 ?

 

[poolman]

It makes a lot of sense !!

Thanks man -- hope all is going well.


BTW - do you remember who the TOP Investor was in ...ummm 2008 ?

Hmmm, 2008 was a good year for me. :cheesy: 2009 would have been another good year for me but I let the most closest person in my life influence a move that I made that cost me almost 7%. If I had not made that move I would have had a 12% 2009 YTD return. Oh well that person knows better now. I am still shooting for a 10% YTD return this year.

Your liked by many people on this board and your behavior sometimes IMO scares us. Hope you don't mind me saying that openly. I've grown to really like you Steady so take it easy and take one step at a time.

 

[Warrenlm]

I need new glasses and more tylenol.

 

[crws]

I need new glasses and more tylenol.

New glasses won't help. The Tylenol (3), maybe.

 

[Steadygain]

come on in boys the water's fine

Well BC man - it's like Maggie said -- the mind is amazing


So I'm ready for a little break -- and hope I can get Blue in on it.

Here's the idea --- In a nutshell we're going to dive in a lake - swin around a little - and have some fun. But I'll only say so much ... and she has to continue ... then I continue ....and back and forth.

Although Autumn had set in and the leaves had turned to the beautiful red, yellow, brown, orange and green that filled the Blue Ridge Mountains on that wonderful September day - the weather continued it's warm trend right up through August and the Lake water was cool and refreshing.

It was a spot we'd found several years prior when we tested a new GPS device - and to make it more challenging we walked purposely into areas that would leave most lost forever. Crossing little streams and walking up and down several mountains we came to a lake - owned by the mountains and somehow the map makers failed to include it. It may have been unknown except to the few who were crazy (or bold) enough to wonder off so far from trails and the more known sites.

It's also a Lake that appears out of nowhere - because the trees are so thick and the bushes are so full and widespread surrounding the lake that until you get right up to it -- you'd never know it's there.

An opening in the bushes led us to our initial view. The lake is in the shape of a kidney - about a half mile long - and a quarter mile wide at the narrowest point in the middle which then opens wider on both ends. On the left end cattails lined the edge of the lake - and on the right end were the cliffs -- 10 feet up from the water.

 

[Birchtree]

I know just the place. More and more summer homes are coming onto the market.

 

[Bluehenge]

With a clear blue sky the day was set to be perfect.

Autumn is truly one of the most beautiful seasons and it was a pleasantly brisk day. Nothing could have been lovelier than being immersed in the peaceful atmosphere of the sights and sounds of nature. Birds sang their melodies; crickets chirped their song; some brightly colored butterflies fluttered in flight and others fed on flowering shrubs.

Set within an ancient valley, the lakes pristine waters shimmered in the sunlight. The majestic mountains towered up behind the painted woods and contrasted the leaves splendidly.

As we headed towards the lake we took time to appreciate the beautiful leaves. The striking reds, bright yellows and intense orange-reds caught our attention the most, but the browns and greens added to the palette.

Shuffling through fallen leaves has always been one of our favorite things to do so we gleefully shuffled our way towards the lake. The feel of the leaves underfoot was amazing - some got softly trodden while others got crunched in delight.

Undoubtedly, the natural world is unparalleled in beauty and there was nowhere better to experience the very best than at this incredible lake.

 

[Steadygain]

Undoubtedly, the natural world is unparalleled in beauty and there was nowhere better to experience the very best than at this incredible lake.

Now perhaps it's easier to imagine why it felt like we had stepped into one of heaven's layers -- a world like no other -- serene, tranquil, and with a peace and calm that took everything and left you in awe.

In that 'moment' however long it stretched -- we slowly took in all the wonders and blended with it. The lake was 'ours' -- but even beyond that 'we' belonged to the lake - and somehow everything seemed to absorb us and we belonged to everything -- even the breeze.

There are 'moments of silence' where you communicate more in quiet reflections compared to hours and hours of conversation. Somehow everything was synchronized and in a state of perfect harmony. This was one of those moments -- with every gasp or sigh of awe -- we took in and marveled at everything this world offered.

The splashing of the water took us from the quiet and with that we saw the beautiful heiron fly up from the lake and over the cliffs -- disappearing over the trees behind. That was the moment it happened - when nature called to us and invited us to the cliff --- to dive in the water.

We didn't say much as we meandered and zig zagged our way through the strip of higer grass that seperated the lake from the woods. Mostly just pointing out the same sights that seemed to overwhelm us and captivate us. Somehow each of us becomes so spellbound by something we 'feel' is uniquely ours -- that we're compelled to point it out to the other -- with an underlying feeling that if we don't the other will miss it. It's funny how we're like that -- but we are and we always have been. So all the way we kind of nodded and made little expressions of 'confirmation' to let the other know --- YES!! It's beautiful.

On top of the cliff the lake looked a lot bigger -- because we were on the furtherest end. As usual - was the optical illusion - of the cliff appearing a short distance from the water from a distance - but directly from the top it looks a lot further. It was probably 10 feet and the water was clear and appeared deep enough to dive. A fish or two could be seen swimming 3 or 4 feet from the top and we just stayed there awhile taking everything in.

I think it's a 'man thing' but the thought of NOT diving in first and doing my duty to show it's safe and all is good was simply an aspect of life I never would have questioned. It just was one of those 'undeniable truths' that is built in to my life and all I know. But Blue is someone that shatters these concepts over and over - and forces you to discover and accept a reality totally different than what you'd expect. All I know is there was a brief 'blurr' next to me --- followed by watching her diving through the air and splashing through the surface -- watching her swim a little under the water and come back up with her head above the surface looking up at me.

It was 'weird' - like a slow movie - then bamm - you realize you're the loser standing on the top as the winner looks up with a delightful and inviting smile. There was a slight moment of 'awkwardness' - the 'male ego' rolling his eyes like "Oh thanks Mommy - now I know it's safe" -- and she probably knew that -- but all the awkward stuff vanished entirely as I plunged through the air and hit the water below.

 

[Bluehenge]

Steady made an enormous splash as he hit the water. I knew he did it on purpose and giggled as some of the water hit me. Some went in my mouth and I was absolutely stunned at how good it tasted. I mean, it had to be drinking water quality it was that clean and pure.

I waited for Steady to surface and grew concerned when he didn't. I swam over to where he had entered the water and began looking for him. As I spun around in the bubbles he surfaced from behind and playfully dunked my head under. I came back up quickly and splashed him with some water. We always have such good times together and that day was no different as we laughed heartily while playing in the cool, refreshing water.

A flock of swallows were up above. "Let you head hang back and watch the swallows." Steady said. I reached out a hand to him and we floated together, watching the swallows. Some flew leisurely in circles and alternated between flapping and gliding while others rapidly turned and banked. I asked Steady "Why are some of them flying slow and others fast?" "Oh, that's easy." Steady replied. "They are feeding on flying insects and their speed all depends on how fast their prey is moving." Steady's so smart it was no surprise that he knew the answer, but it still caused me to smile in admiration.

At peace, we floated in the water, hand-in-hand simply enjoying the 'moment'.

 

[Steadygain]

At peace, we floated in the water, hand-in-hand simply enjoying the 'moment'.

BUT -- that moment was short lived.

The water was cool and refreshing – invigorating and wonderful – and as I was coming up to the surface I’d thought this has to be the best place we’d ever found. Nothing but the greatest optimism flooded over me and the certainty of a promising day. This was all the more deeply confirmed as we floated in the water.

Then we heard their eerie chants and cries and were too stunned to honestly grasp our situation - for it was totally the opposite of that moment we'd thought we'd drift in forever. Our hearts pounded with fear and all the good and wonderful feelings washed out of us. Dread and impending doom – mixed with anxiety and terror seized us – for we had lived in the African Bush and were well acquainted with the Pygmies. Their deadly ways were feared throughout the land and every culture over many generations considered it ‘Forbidden’ to enter their territory. We had heard these sounds thousands of times in the past – but always in the distance. Now – we were right there – stuck in the middle of the lake as they emerged from the woods.

The look of fright in Blue’s expression all the more sent my adrenalin at full blast. Twenty Pygmy warriors – painted as ‘death and war’ approached with spears in hand. For that moment we were frozen, too surprised and bewildered to respond. With a cry that mimicked what the Pygmies learned from the victims of their worst torture – the first spear was thrust. When it hit the water and plunged between us like a torpedo, instinct took over and we swam to the other side. Initially the sound of other spears landing near us was all we heard – but as we got towards the other side it was a comforting sound behind us and just knowing we were out of their reach gave a trace of hope.

 

[Bluehenge]

We slipped out of the water and dropped on all fours. I followed Steady into the high grass. My heart was pounding, but we were fit and it didn't take long for either of us to catch our breath. Steady was still pumped on adrenalin, yet his survival skills enabled him to remain calm. He looked at me and then clasped me in his arms. His calm expression and warmth comforted me. At peace, with both of our senses working fully together, we formulated our plan.

Knowing what we did about the Pygmy warriors' excellent tracking skills we decided that the woods were the last place we should go because no matter how long it took them, they would find us and we didn't want to end up at their dinner table!

No doubt it was a lack of swimming skills that forced the Pygmies to make their way round to us via the high grass surrounding the lake. The high grass was taller than them and although adept at running swiftly through it, their progress was slower than ours had been and its height made it impossible for them to watch our every move.

We didn't want to take any chances however, so we waited patiently until a gentle breeze bent the grass, before crawling in its movement. We made our way to some shrubs with thick branches at their base. Here, we waited without fear of any movement giving away our new position. We sat and waited as planned; silently watching the waters' edge.

At the waters' edge wildflowers and an abundance of rare and endangered flora and fauna decked the banks and boulders were scattered about in the water. When we saw the vegetation bend and heard the water splash we briefly checked on each other; embraced, and with a knowing nod we crept out from under the bush and down amongst the boulders.

Down in the shallow water, waves gently swayed slender grasses and reeds.