Black Humor (for RED days.)

[Cactus]

How long have you worked for the government?

 

[FogSailing]

Discrimination....will it never end...:laugh:

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[jpcavin]

A guy walks into a bar and notices an unusually large peanut sitting on a shelf behind the bar.
The guy says, "Hey bartender, where’d you get that big peanut sitting there on the shelf?”
The bartender says, "Well, I rubbed this magic lamp here, a genie came out, and granted me one wish."
The guy says, “Give me that lamp. Let me try it... I wish for a million bucks.”
Next thing ya know, a bunch of ducks start flying through the bar.
The guy shouts, "No, bucks! I said a million bucks!”
The bartender says, “Did ya think I wished for a 12-inch peanut?”

 

[Buster]

The Genie was suppose to be hard of hearing, and it was a Big Bic lighter he wished for...At least that's the joke I use to tell.:439:

 

[jpcavin]

The Genie was suppose to be hard of hearing, and it was a Big Bic lighter he wished for...At least that's the joke I use to tell.:439:

Yep. I told the bar joke. You told the fishing joke.

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "
Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks
"Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "
Oh I have a personal genie"
The first man asks
"Can i make a wish? "
Sure says the other man
"Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says "
I want a Million Bucks " T
he genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other "
Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"

 

[jpcavin]

Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same. Once you heard Juan you've heard Jamal.

 

[Buster]

Little Larry..



A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, standup!'
After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.
The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'
'No ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'


Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'
Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'


Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One ofthe youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .....

 

[FogSailing]

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[jpcavin]

 

[konakathy]

 

[Buster]

Donald andHillary Go into A Bakery

Donald and Hillary Go into A Bakery on the Campaign Trail
As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald, "See how clever I am?
The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.”
I will definitely win the election.
The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit.
I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Giveme a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry.
Trump swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one.
Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick isand asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"
Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket"...

 

[burrocrat]

View attachment 39252

 

[Buster]

 

[konakathy]

I'm not really seeing a downside here ! :laugh:

 

[Buster]

 

[Buster]

...including Liberals

 

[Buster]

Air Force One's Pilot:

 

[Buster]

Warning--F-Bombs

 

[FogSailing]

View attachment 39467

 

[Buster]