Black Humor (for RED days.)

[jpcavin]

No way those things are real! omg. My post-retirement career as a custom bootmaker is assured, many possible clients to acquire, no matter where I end up living. wheee, I can do it, yes I can, if I can keep my face straight while making a sale. :nuts:

These boots look a little drab. Make sure you add some bling to them so as to hypnotize your customers while you're giving them your sales pitch.

 

[alevin]

You should see some of the people who attend our annual rodeo event. the out-of-towners are easily identifiable by the bling on their bucklebunny outfits....:cheesy:

 

[jpcavin]

I may have to partner with you to sell these stylish crochet wear to go with them boots.

New Fashion For Men: Crochet Shorts Made From Recycled Vintage Blankets | Bored Panda




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[jpcavin]

You should see some of the people who attend our annual rodeo event. the out-of-towners are easily identifiable by the bling on their bucklebunny outfits....:cheesy:

Told ya! But I suspect the out-of-towners aren't the only bucklebunnies at the local rodeo.

 

[alevin]

Oh I'm sure there are some locals, I wouldn't know since I only wander the craftfair booths and give the rodeo a pass. I mostly stay home out of the way of the outoftown concentration area for the duration of the overpopulation.

 

[jpcavin]

Gotta get me one of these



If anyone is interested...
Wooden Spoon Survivor

 

[jpcavin]

 

[jpcavin]

So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar...
... Just kidding.

 

[jpcavin]

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

 

[Buster]

 

[Buster]

QUESTION ABOUT HELL


Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Anabella during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct.........leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Anabella kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

 

[jpcavin]

I was mistaken. Apparently you can take it with you!

 

[Buster]

Husband went to the police station to report that his wife was missing..

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. About five-feet four.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Colour of eyes?

Husband: Never really noticed, brown or green.

Sergeant: Colour of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Usually a skirt or slacks and a blouse or polo top. I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She took my sports coupe.

Sergeant: What kind of sports coupe was it?

Husband: Jaguar F Type R Coupe, Stratus Grey, Carbon Ceramic brakes, black on black full leather upholstery, 770 Meridian stereo, carbon fibre trim, Electrically Adjustable R Sport Seats with 3 setting memory, unmarked 20" diamond and black gyrodyne wheels, Tyre Pressure Monitoring, Panoramic Glass Roof, Bluetooth Telephone Connectivity, Multi-Media Interface for MP3, Ipod etc, Leather Trimmed Multi-Function Steering Wheel with Paddle Shift, Front and Rear Parking Sensors, blind spot monitoring, Speed Limit Assist, electrically adjustable folding door mirrors, Electrically Adjustable Steering Column, LED Daytime Running Lights, Cruise Control, ...

At this point the husband starts choking up.....

Sergeant: Don’t worry, Sir. We’ll find your car..

 

[konakathy]

HA! Good one!

 

[jpcavin]

 

[FogSailing]

View attachment 38206

 

[Buster]

 

[TSP-roulette]

The possible and imminent come back...... God forbid.

 

[FogSailing]

View attachment 38256

 

[FogSailing]

View attachment 38405

FS