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- Thread starter James48843
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burrocrat
Well-known member
hey now, quit giving away all my secrets!
FogSailing
Well-known member
Never seen her before Norm...She's great!!!
Thanks for sharing that...I've got some relatives I'm sending that one to...heh heh
FS
McDuck
Well-known member
The preacher was visiting a 99 year old shut-in, having a wonderful visit. As they were talking and visiting, he saw the candy dish of peanuts next to the chair. So throughout the visit he would reach over and eat one. By the end of their visit, he had finished the entire bowl! He apologized and said, “Miss Mamie, I’m so sorry. I have eaten your entire bowl of peanuts.” She said, “that’s ok, preacher. I’ve already gummed the chocolate off of them.”
FogSailing
Well-known member
TSP-roulette
Well-known member
Oorrrrrrr......
TSP-roulette
Well-known member
TSP-roulette
Well-known member
FogSailing
Well-known member
This has been posted before in other forums, but I cam across it this morning and it just made me LOL!! Hope you enjoy!
RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. "Average American Housewife",
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.M
TSP-roulette
Well-known member
Buster
Well-known member
A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, hesaw a huge wall of clocks. He asked,"What are all those clocks for?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has aLie-Clock. Every time you lie, the handson your clock move."
"Oh," said the man. "And whose clock is that?" That's Mother Teresa's," replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicatingthat she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us thatAbraham told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?" asked the man. St. Peter replied, Jesus has it in hisoffice. He uses it as a ceiling fan."
James48843
Well-known member
123
burrocrat
Well-known member
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, at first encountering resistance but then plunging in, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I took my finger back out and within seconds, before I knew it, she was going down on me.
And I thought to myself..... "I really need a new freakin' boat."Similar threads
