Black Humor (for RED days.)

[James48843]

I couldn't help but overhear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night.


One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man - you look tired."

His buddy says, "Man I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. She's after me 3 and 4 times a day,
I just don't know what to do."


A fellow about age 70, sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.


He looked over at the two young men, and with the wisdom of years says:
"Marry her. That'll put a stop to that ****."

 

[FogSailing]

View attachment 36148

You just can't beat Mother Nature!

 

[ravensfan]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/5vr66IMAcPA

Russian Motorcyclists are Stupid,Drunk, and Blind

 

[burrocrat]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/5vr66IMAcPA

Russian Motorcyclists are Stupid,Drunk, and Blind

3 words. mef amp fetamean. it is served best on 2 wheels.

 

[TSP-roulette]

 

[konakathy]

LOL ! I remember doing this as a kid. BONK! Or we would sword fight with the tubes.

 

[burrocrat]

LOL ! I remember doing this as a kid. BONK! Or we would sword fight with the tubes.

View attachment 36159

it is not really a cardboard tube anymore. this year i bought a couple rolls of regular christmasy printed wrapping paper with snowmen and stuff at walmart instead of the heavy brown plain kraft paper i usually use because i have to be someone's secret santa, and you know what? it is not a cardboard tube, it is a rolled up length of heavy brown kraft paper in the middle. i just laughed, figures, should've just bought the kraft paper. we still played light saber with it though.

 

[konakathy]

:laugh:

 

[TSP-roulette]

Parental Advisory: Explicit language.

 

[nnuut]

Lyle was hunting geese up in the Northern Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16-gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his dog Ginger knocked the gun over, it discharged and Lyle took most of an ounce of #4 bird shot in the groin.


Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his doctor, Sven.

"Vell Lyle, I got some good noos and some bad noos. Da' good noos is dat you’re going to be OK. Da' damage vas local to your groin, 'dere was very little internal damage, and I 'vas able to remove all of da' buckshot.

"What's the bad news?", asks Lyle.

"Da bad noos is 'dat 'dere 'vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm gonna' have to refer you to my sister, Lena .

"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon or what?"

"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da' Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't P**S in your eye."

 

[TSP-roulette]

 

[FogSailing]

View attachment 36825

 

[TSP-roulette]

 

[TSP-roulette]

 

[FogSailing]

New Market Indicator Graphic For Oil

View attachment 37045

 

[TSP-roulette]

 

[remark]

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you wouldhave produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps outto the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!!)


Is that why they are always squealing?

A cockroach will live nine days without its head beforeit starves to death. (Creepy)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories anhour. (Don't try this at home;maybe at work.)


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head isattached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home . What the...?)


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like ahuman jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can't believe that pig ...quality overquantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm.......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longerthan left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sexfor pleasure.

(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about thepig?)



Hope you've smiled at least once!

 

[FogSailing]

Who Wants To Go Next? :laugh:

View attachment 37061

FS

 

[nnuut]

Who Wants To Go Next? :laugh:

View attachment 37061

FS

I can't imagine, just looking at that Pic makes my back hurt! Metal leg guards give it away.

 

[TSP-roulette]

Rachel Dolezal is the president of the Spokane, Washington chapter of the NAACP. She has been passing herself off as a black woman. On Thursday, however, her parents – Ruthanne and Larry Dolezal - say that their daughter has been deceiving people. Her parents insist she is totally white, according to an NBC News report on Friday.