Black Humor (for RED days.)

[Buster]

*Medical Distinction between Guts and Balls*


There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard of
people having Guts or having Balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
*GUTS* - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met
by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
*BALLS* - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume & beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking there is No difference in the outcome.

Both are fatal.

 

[Buster]

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that Nancy Pelosi has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that afterher husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied: “Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.":blink:

 

[Buster]

Did You Know This About Leather Dresses??

​

Did you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees,
and he thinks irrationally?

Ever wonder why?




​

It's because she smells like a New Truck!
​

 

[alevin]

Now that there is funny.:laugh:

 

[Buster]

The"F" Word

When is it acceptable?

There are only ten times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use.



They are as follows:


10. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?"

-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912


9. "What the @#$% was that?"

-- Mayor Of Hiroshima,1945


8. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"

-- Custer, 1877 ​

7. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."

-- Einstein, 1938


6. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"

-- Picasso, 1926 ​

5. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"

-- Pythagoras, 126 BC


4. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?

-- Michelangelo, 1566


3. "Where the @#$% are we?"

-- Amelia Earhart, 1937


2. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!" ​

-- Noah, 4314 BC


1. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"

-- Bill Clinton, 1998 ​

 

[burrocrat]

you forgot one i think,

what the @#$% do you mean the rabbit died?

 

[konakathy]

Some of these names are embarrassing ..... hilarious, nonetheless. :laugh:

Wedding name combos so bad it’s hard to believe. : theCHIVE

 

[TSP-roulette]

Prescription Drugs & Side Effects


A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"


He declines. “Thanks for asking, but, I'm not hungry right now. "It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."


At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"


He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."


Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"


He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm really starving."

 

[konakathy]

 

[TSP-roulette]

Ahummm!!!

http://youtu.be/NS7q_1ze32Y

 

[Buster]

Ahummm!!!

Nick Swardson - BIG **** EAT FREE!!! - YouTube

I normally wouldn't endorse anything like this...but that was a hoot..or should I say Hooters

 

[jpcavin]

This is how it feels to be out of the markets.....

 

[TSP-roulette]

To Be 8 again!


A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!'


The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

 

[TSP-roulette]

Note: A little crude for some.

 

[konakathy]

 

[wavecoder]

The Dow is gonna hit 20,000 by the end of the year

 

[konakathy]

The Dow is gonna hit 20,000 by the end of the year

Bull Daddy wouldn't find that funny. :laugh:

 

[TSP-roulette]

Was not Ferdinand

 

[TSP-roulette]

Watch out, Ferdinand'll go after your arse every time.

 

[TSP-roulette]

Check for Alzheimer's - Pretty Amazing! The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it! 1. This is this cat. 2. This is is cat. 3. This is how cat. 4. This is to cat. 5. This is keep cat. 6. This is an cat. 7. This is old cat. 8. This is fart cat. 9. This is busy cat. 10. This is for cat. 11. This is forty cat. 12. This is seconds cat. Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down. ____________________________________________________________