Black Humor (for RED days.)

[Buster]

Perils of a Catholic Upbringing​

As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling my old pastor, Father Stan, who always admonished me to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags, my heart was moved by this person's condition.
Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out and touch this person!"
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[konakathy]

 

[konakathy]

 

[userque]

 

[userque]

 

[burrocrat]

View attachment 40341

 

[Buster]

 

[konakathy]

 

[konakathy]

 

[TSP-roulette]

 

[Buster]

 

[userque]

 

[Buster]

This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man. I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"



"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no. I got out of prison."

 

[userque]

 

[FogSailing]

For the true duffer out there!

FS

 

[Buster]

The Magic Green Hat…


A friend stationed in Yuma, AZ. He sent me this.

Living in South Western USA, I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT .

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. It cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

It also works at the DMV. It saved me 2 hours.

At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.

It might also cut your wait time at the convenience store.

But...don't try it at McDonald's if you expect to get your order..


Here's the hat:

 

[userque]

 

[Buster]

Russ Buttacovoli, an 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'how do you stay in such great physical condition?'

I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says Russ, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'

"'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?

"Who said he was dead?"

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says Russ. 'In fact he golfed with me this morning,
and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino
and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my Nonno's dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, so, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

'No, Nonno couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?'


'Who said he wanted to get married?'

 

[Buster]

 

[Buster]