Black Humor (for RED days.)

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Communications problems. the downfall of marriages, friendships, work teams, neighbor relations, foreign relations, Yellowbeard relations! :nuts:
 
More Black Humor ...for Red days.


Ayoung cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.

He calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

" Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still seeing that little redhead who lives in town?"

The father gasped, and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer....

and then he went on to become the Governor of Illinois.
 
poster.jpg
 
Pittsfield Man Takes 'Bad Day' Out On Wal-Mart TVs

PITTSFIELD (AP) ―
images_sizedimage_036112035.jpg


Police say a Pittsfield man "having a bad day" walked into a city Wal-Mart and used an aluminum baseball bat to smash 16 flat-screen televisions worth $13,000.

Police tell The Berkshire Eagle that 26-year-old Nicholas Adornetto walked into the store at about 1 p.m. on Thursday, grabbed a bat in the sporting goods section and walked to the electronics department, where he started swinging.

Adornetto expressed anger at the government and complained of being unemployed.

Detective Sgt. Marc Strout says when police arrived, Adornetto was "peaceful, calm and cooperative."

Adornetto was arraigned Friday in Central Berkshire District Court on 16 counts of vandalizing property and one count of disorderly conduct. Bail was set at $500 and the case continued until May 11.

Adornetto did not immediately return a call.
 
James48843 said:
Pittsfield Man Takes 'Bad Day' Out On Wal-Mart TVs

PITTSFIELD (AP) ―
images_sizedimage_036112035.jpg


Police say a Pittsfield man "having a bad day" walked into a city Wal-Mart and used an aluminum baseball bat to smash 16 flat-screen televisions worth $13,000.

Police tell The Berkshire Eagle that 26-year-old Nicholas Adornetto walked into the store at about 1 p.m. on Thursday, grabbed a bat in the sporting goods section and walked to the electronics department, where he started swinging.

Adornetto expressed anger at the government and complained of being unemployed.

Detective Sgt. Marc Strout says when police arrived, Adornetto was "peaceful, calm and cooperative."

Adornetto was arraigned Friday in Central Berkshire District Court on 16 counts of vandalizing property and one count of disorderly conduct. Bail was set at $500 and the case continued until May 11.

Adornetto did not immediately return a call.
Click to expand...

Jimmy,

I assume that you think that is funny.
This thread is for cartoons and light humor.
 
Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette
convertible out of the dealership.

Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
'Amazing,' he thought, as he flew down the I-75 pushing on the accelerator pedal even more.

 Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper with blue lights flashing and his siren blaring.

He floored it to 100 mph then 110 then 120.

Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this! So he pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.


Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch and said: 'Sir, my shift will end in 30 minutes. If you can give me a new reason for speeding --a reason I've never heard before -- I'll let you go..'



The old gentleman paused then said, 'Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper.

I thought you were bringing her back.'



'Have a good day, Sir,' replied the trooper.


88275d388c8e4c27bba253a54416d70d.jpg

​
 
Last edited:
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Missouri recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin ' a cove well-known for its fishing..

The game warden asked the man, ' Do you have a license to catch those fish? '

' Naw, sir ' , replied the redneck. ' I ain't got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish. '

' Pet fish? '

' Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let ' em swim ' round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take ' em home. '

' That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that. ' the warden says.

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, ' It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works. '

' O. K.. ' , said the warden. ' I've got to see this! '

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, ' Well? '

' Well, what? ' , says the redneck.

The warden says, ' When are you going to call them back? '

' Call who back? '

' The FISH ' , replied the warden!

' What fish? ' , replied the redneck.


Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.
 
It’s the last day of the season and the hunter calls in sick to work, thinking he’ll go out and track down that elk he missed last weekend. He hikes all day, searching for any sign of the big bull, but finds nothing. Finally, frustrated and tired, he sits down under a tree, drinks the beer he’s been carrying in his pack all day, then decides to head for the house.
Halfway up the other side of the draw he stops, figuring he might as well shoot something today, and draws a bead on the can he left lying back there, putting all three shots right on target.
As he rounds the last bend and has the pickup in sight, a huge bear comes roaring up the trail, growling and charging straight for him. Knowing he has no ammunition left, he falls to his knees and cries out ‘Oh god, please help me!’
Suddenly the bear stops and rears up on its hind legs. A booming voice scolds the man, “all your life you have disrespected the gifts I have provided you, you shirk your responsibilities at work, you spend your days drinking, you litter this beautiful forest, and now you want my help?”
Humbled, the hunter replies “you’re right lord, there’s not much hope for me and I wouldn’t make a very good Christian, but could you at least make a Christian out of this bear?”
Just then the bear clasps his paws together and starts to pray. “Thank you lord for this bounteous harvest and the food I’m about to eat.”
 
MAN what a tough day for the market. Time for some more black humor for red days...

Have you heard this one?

The latest telephone poll taken by the Governor's offices in Texas and California asked whether people who live in those states think illegal immigration is a serious problem:


29% responded, "Yes, it is a serious problem."

71% responded, "No es una problema seriosa."
Click to expand...


Bada Bing...!
 
Since the market got hammered today - we need another one....

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him ..(Oh, man..., this is so bad!)...............

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
Click to expand...



Arrrrgggg..........
 
James48843 said:
Since the market got hammered today - we need another one....

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him ..(Oh, man..., this is so bad!)...............

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis


Arrrrgggg..........
Click to expand...


Don't quit your day job.
 
James48843 said:
Since the market got hammered today - we need another one....

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him ..(Oh, man..., this is so bad!)...............

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis


Arrrrgggg..........
Click to expand...

to paraphrase our favorite nanny

Even so, the sound of that is sometimes quite precocious:D:cheesy:
 
New iPhone

Apple has recalled early prototypes of their new version of the iPhone
aimed at children.

Upon reflection it was thought that "iTouch Kids" was not the best
product name.

<;o)
 
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