"OLD FARTS"

Sam goes to the doctor for his yearly checkup. “Everything is fine”, said the doctor, “You’re doing OK for your age.” “For my age?” questioned Sam, “I’m only 75, do you think I’ll make it to 80? “Well” said the doctor, “do you drink or smoke?” “No” Sam replied. “Do you eat fatty meat or sweets?” “No” said Sam “I am very careful about what I eat.” “How about your activities? Do you engage in thrilling behaviors like speeding or skiing? “No” said Sam taken aback, “I would never engage in dangerous activities.” “Well,” said the doctor, “then why in the world would you want to live to be 80?
 
There are 3 Ages of Man: youth, middle age, and you look good!

Remember When...
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3-inch floppy . . . You just hoped nobody ever found out!
 
While working the lunch shift at a local restaurant, I watched as an elderly couple eat. It seemed as if the man was the only one eating. First his appetizer, then his main course, and then finally his dessert. All the while with his wife just looking on, not even touching her food. Confused, I approached the woman and asked if there was anything I could get for her. “No thank you,” came her answer, “it’s his turn with the teeth.”
 
Two guys, one old, one young
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy
Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife
and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going. The young guy says "That's OK, it's a coincidence that
I'm looking for my wife, too.
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate"
The old guy says "Well,
maybe I can help you find her.
What does she look like?"
The young guy says
"Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom and wearing no bra,
has long legs
and is wearing short shorts."
"What does your wife look like?"
To which the first old guy says "Doesn't matter,
let's look for your wife!"

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