"OLD FARTS"

[nnuut]

 

[nnuut]

 

[Buster]

Two guys, one old, one young
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy
Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife
and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going. The young guy says "That's OK, it's a coincidence that
I'm looking for my wife, too.
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate"
The old guy says "Well,
maybe I can help you find her.
What does she look like?"
The young guy says
"Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom and wearing no bra,
has long legs
and is wearing short shorts."
"What does your wife look like?"
To which the first old guy says "Doesn't matter,
let's look for your wife!"

 

[nnuut]

 

[Buster]

While working the lunch shift at a local restaurant, I watched as an elderly couple eat. It seemed as if the man was the only one eating. First his appetizer, then his main course, and then finally his dessert. All the while with his wife just looking on, not even touching her food. Confused, I approached the woman and asked if there was anything I could get for her. “No thank you,” came her answer, “it’s his turn with the teeth.”

 

[nnuut]

There are 3 Ages of Man: youth, middle age, and you look good!

Remember When...
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3-inch floppy . . . You just hoped nobody ever found out!

 

[nnuut]

Sam goes to the doctor for his yearly checkup. “Everything is fine”, said the doctor, “You’re doing OK for your age.” “For my age?” questioned Sam, “I’m only 75, do you think I’ll make it to 80? “Well” said the doctor, “do you drink or smoke?” “No” Sam replied. “Do you eat fatty meat or sweets?” “No” said Sam “I am very careful about what I eat.” “How about your activities? Do you engage in thrilling behaviors like speeding or skiing? “No” said Sam taken aback, “I would never engage in dangerous activities.” “Well,” said the doctor, “then why in the world would you want to live to be 80?

Read more: Old People Jokes Old People Jokes
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[nnuut]

We would to get 2 or 3 cents for a small bottle and 5 cents for a big one that was in CA. It varied from state to state.

 

[alevin]

And there was virtuous industrious little bee-me and friends, cruised the roadside ditches for the glass pop bottles the careless folk tossed out their winders. One by one the bags would fill up, take a hike to the little store down the road, turn them in for cash! money for candy. Earned, satisfaction at a job well done, plus civic contribution-roadside cleanup. Got something like 1-2 cents per bottle (or was it 5?-us AOF's start forgetting eventually-that's Almost Old Farts for the rest of you). Prolly was 5 cents. Heyday of Johnson/Nixon inflation and recessions in the early 70s. 56-10/10, puts us in the same AOF category, jrwash.

 

[burrocrat]

+1 on the free soda thing.

at the doctor's office where my mom worked they had an old mechanical pepsi machine that would spit out glass bottles for 25 cents. i would offer to get everyone pops on a hot day and take up a collection from my friends. if i stuck my arm up there just right i could turn 4 bottles end up and hit the jackpot for a quarter. everyone got what they paid for, i drank pop for free and pocketed $0.75 each round. that seemed ok to me because the doctor could afford it and it wasn't much different than the procedures he was performing inside the office anyways.

i'm pretty sure they knew was doing it but he never said anything. maybe he figured it was cheaper to let me take a few sodas than have to give my mom a raise so she could pay the fines down at juvie.

 

[RazorCat]

10 for 10. I'm only 56, but I remember most of this from listening to my parents and grandparents talk about. I do remember the Royal Crown starch bottles, and green stamps, and Butch wax for my flat tops, and milk on the porch. It could sit out most the day without spoiling. Not like milk today. And I remember going to Piggly Wiggly and watching my Mom fill up to 2 shopping carts (to the top) with groceries for $25.00. It would take 30 minutes to get it all in the trunk of our Pontiac Star Chief. Gas was 18 cents a gallon.
And stations would have gas wars to see who could sell it the cheapest. Also remember my grandmother chasing down a chicken in the yard, wringing it''s neck, and bringing it in the house. She'd sit it in the sink for hours before she plucked it and cut it up without it spoiling. The chicken they produce today would have spoiled in 20 minutes at room temperature. Those were the days.
My favorite things to do in the summer when I was a kid would be to take a long straw and bottle opener and go to the neighorhood corner store (Braswell's). The old chest type coke machines held the bottles upright in sliding racks. Pop the top, and drink all you wanted. Until the owner came running out and chased you down the street.
Life was good. Now I do feel old.

 

[nasa1974]

Great questions. I missed two.

 

[nnuut]

Damn I missed NONE, I must be an old FART!

 

[alevin]

I'm younger than I thought I was! Score of 10. Yes!!!

 

[nnuut]

ANSWERS

1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the late '60s to catch on

2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?

3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top

4. a) Blackjack Gum

5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil

6. a) 1946 Studebaker

7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water

8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut

9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck

10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo

11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease

12.. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!

13. c) Macaroni

14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A- bomb drill

15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet

16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high

17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store

18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free

19. a) The all male, all black group: The Ink Spots

20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today
----------------------------------------
SCORING

17- 20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted with mind bloat. Now if you could only find your glasses. Definitely a GEEZER!

12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy

0 -11 correct: You are a sad excuse for a geezer or you are younger than springtime

Vancouver Old Farts - Cartoons & Jokes

 

[nnuut]

Old Farts Exam

1. In the 1940s, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?

a. On the floor shift knob
b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch
c. Next to the horn

2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?

a. Capture lightning bugs
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
c. Large salt shaker

3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?

a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
c.. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.

4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?

a. Blackjack
b. Gin
c. Craps!

5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during WW II?

a. Suntan
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks

6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?

a. Studebaker
b. Nash Metro
c. Tucker

7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?

a. Strips of dried peanut butter
b. Chocolate licorice bars
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside

8. How was Butch wax used?

a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust

9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?

a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot
c. Long pieces of twine

10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?
a. Consider all the facts
b. Ask Mom
c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo

11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's?

a. Smallpox
b. AIDS
c. Polio

2. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey"

a. SUV
b. Taxi
c. Streetcar

13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?

a. Old Blue
b. Paint
c. Macaroni

14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?

a. Part of the game of hide and seek
b. What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores
c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?

a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacajewea
c. Princess Moonshadow

16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?

a.. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high
b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window
c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid your failure

17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?

a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos

18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?

a. Meatballs
b. Dames
c. Ammunition

19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a hit?

a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires

20. Who left his heart in San Francisco?

a. Tony Bennett
b. Xavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin

 

[nnuut]

Does an old fart smell any different than a new fart?

Yes!

 

[PessOptimist]

Does an old fart smell any different than a new fart?

 

[nnuut]

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

 

[alevin]

I never really liked the terminology "Old Farts" but this makes me feel better about it...It's better than being called a Douche' Bag.
And if you ain't one, I bet ya you know one!
I got this from an "Old Fart" friend of mine!

OLD FART PRIDE
I'm passing this on asI did not want to be the only old fart receiving it. Actually, it's not a badthing to be called, as you will see.

• Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
• Old Farts remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal , Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam .
• If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women.
• Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
• Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.
• Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren.
• It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country .

This country needs OldFarts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their countryand decent values.


We need them now morethan ever.

Thank goodness for us OLD FARTS.

My dad are one of these. Go Dad!