self help

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burrocrat

burrocrat

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totally serious here...

i have been trying to be a kinder, gentler donkey. has anybody noticed? am i making any progress?

also, i got this cd set about mars and venus. it turns out that what you naturally think you should do in a given situation is almost always the opposite of what needs done. i'm just getting started on it but it sounds like instead of interacting and offering solutions you are better off just saying 'uh huh'.

does anybody here got this stuff figured out? any suggestions?

thanks.
 
I think being consistent is important even if you are wrong!
 
Uh huh. If you are interested in a cd about mars and venus I think you would be better served listening to Holst's "The Planets". Of course you have to like modern classical music for that. :rolleyes:
 
burrocrat said:
totally serious here...

i have been trying to be a kinder, gentler donkey. has anybody noticed? am i making any progress?
Click to expand...
uh huh.

As far as posting. Imagine everything you post is being read by your mom, dad, daughter, grandparents, sister, and 3rd grade teacher. Do you want to them to read it? Then it's OK. Because many of the folks here are in one of those categories. Maybe not Mrs. Letera from 3rd grade, but the others.
 
burrocrat said:
totally serious here...

i have been trying to be a kinder, gentler donkey. has anybody noticed? am i making any progress?

also, i got this cd set about mars and venus. it turns out that what you naturally think you should do in a given situation is almost always the opposite of what needs done. i'm just getting started on it but it sounds like instead of interacting and offering solutions you are better off just saying 'uh huh'.

does anybody here got this stuff figured out? any suggestions?

thanks.
Click to expand...

I subscribe to two schools of thought here:

1st: I envision my mouth similar to a gun; sometimes cocked, usually pointed and always loaded. When I feel the urge to unload the magazine, I think of those words as the bullets. And once those bullets are fired I CAN NOT put them back in the gun. So I try extremely hard to be careful when, where & why I pull the trigger. Sometimes I unload the magazine before I even realize it but more often than not I think first.


2nd: Speak the Truth In Love. In other words, say what (has to / needs to) be said. But say it in a way that the receiver benefits from the exchange.


My wife may tell you that I say what's on my mind. I'm pretty much a guy who subscribes to the theory, "those folks that matter don't mind and those folks that mind don't matter"
 
kave said:
I subscribe to two schools of thought here:

1st: I envision my mouth similar to a gun; sometimes cocked, usually pointed and always loaded. When I feel the urge to unload the magazine, I think of those words as the bullets. And once those bullets are fired I CAN NOT put them back in the gun. So I try extremely hard to be careful when, where & why I pull the trigger. Sometimes I unload the magazine before I even realize it but more often than not I think first.


2nd: Speak the Truth In Love. In other words, say what (has to / needs to) be said. But say it in a way that the receiver benefits from the exchange.


My wife may tell you that I say what's on my mind. I'm pretty much a guy who subscribes to the theory, "those folks that matter don't mind and those folks that mind don't matter"
Click to expand...

that sounds like a good plan, that thinking before you talk thing, but i am not very good at that. i usually just blurt out what pops into my head. sometimes it's funny or sincere, but other times it is absolutely the wrong thing to have said and causes me problems in personal relationships.

just wondering and wandering through life and trying to improve. thanks for the inputs folks.
 
that is a whole lot of "uh huh's". it just seems so counter-intuitive to me. whatever happened to "active listening", you know when you repeat back to the other person what they said and make another related on-topic comment or suggestion to show comprehension and interest? when did that go out of style?
 
burrocrat said:
that is a whole lot of "uh huh's". it just seems so counter-intuitive to me. whatever happened to "active listening", you know when you repeat back to the other person what they said and make another related on-topic comment or suggestion to show comprehension and interest? when did that go out of style?
Click to expand...
Maxwell...You are asking a ridiculous question of people that would rather not get involved with your personal mental stability… you're asking for approval or some kind of support to acknowledge your change in your belligerent attitude...Keep asking and I'm afraid someone will give you the hard cold truth about what they think...


My advice..Drop it right now.
slap.gif
 
Buster said:
Maxwell...You are asking a ridiculous question of people that would rather not get involved with your personal mental stability… you're asking for approval or some kind of support to acknowledge your change in your belligerent attitude...Keep asking and I'm afraid someone will give you the hard cold truth about what they think...


My advice..Drop it right now.
slap.gif
Click to expand...

oh they already have, at least a half dozen in the last few years. basically the advice goes something like 'you need professional help'. followed directly by 'leave me alone and don't contact me'! so maybe there is something to it. to my credit, i don't think anybody has filed a restraining order on me yet, unless blocking pm's, texts, and phone calls counts.

i'm a person that needs to know how and why things work so that is why i asked. i said it was a serious question right up front, just trying to get some opinions and learn something.
 
burrocrat said:
i'm just getting started on it but it sounds like instead of interacting and offering solutions you are better off just saying 'uh huh'.
Click to expand...
The psychology behind it is that people typically will like you more the more they talk (therefore the less you are talking)
 
No, that's not quite it. not the concept the author is trying to get across. The author is trying to get across the point that not everyone wants someone else to fix their problem for them. sometimes just by talking about the problem outloud to someone simply willing to listen, seriously listen without interrupting, allows a person to work things out for themselves. Not everyone processes things internally and silently.
 
alevin said:
No, that's not quite it. not the concept the author is trying to get across. The author is trying to get across the point that not everyone wants someone else to fix their problem for them. sometimes just by talking about the problem outloud to someone simply willing to listen, seriously listen without interrupting, allows a person to work things out for themselves. Not everyone processes things internally and silently.
Click to expand...
I wasn't speaking about the author or book specifically, I've never read it so I'll take your word for it. Sounds like what facebook has turned into :laugh:
 
k0nkuzh0n said:
I wasn't speaking about the author or book specifically, I've never read it so I'll take your word for it. Sounds like what facebook has turned into :laugh:
Click to expand...

If you say so. I don't facebook, so I'll take your word for it. :D
 
jpcavin said:
Sounds like there's a shortage of good men. Hmmm, that doesn't surprise me.
Click to expand...

that's because they kicked all the men out. they only let them in to fix tractors and such so they can keep making more whine.

i think the text of the town ordinance actually reads: 'hmmmpf, men! ban them all! where did all the men go? they always run off, hmmmpf men!'
 
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