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Election year humor
- Thread starter Silverbird
- Start date
The HalfBreed
Member
DENMARK ?!?!?
Aren't they the cheerleaders for BOTH sides of any war, kinda like the Swiss? :laugh:
How bout this I received in an Email:
Aren't they the cheerleaders for BOTH sides of any war, kinda like the Swiss? :laugh:
How bout this I received in an Email:
James48843
Well-known member
CLEAR THINKING
From a Danish citizen.
"We in Denmark cannot figure out why you in the U.S. are even bothering to hold an election.
On one side, you have a woman who is a lawyer that is married to a lawyer...
and on the other side, you have a lawyer who is married to a woman who is a lawyer.
On the third side, you have a war hero, married to a woman with nice hooters, who owns a beer distributorship.
Is there a contest here?"
From a Danish citizen.
"We in Denmark cannot figure out why you in the U.S. are even bothering to hold an election.
On one side, you have a woman who is a lawyer that is married to a lawyer...
and on the other side, you have a lawyer who is married to a woman who is a lawyer.
On the third side, you have a war hero, married to a woman with nice hooters, who owns a beer distributorship.
Is there a contest here?"
Buster
Well-known member
I see you got the gist of the Vid
The Organisation of the Islamic Conference (OIC) is an international organization with a permanent delegation to the United Nations. It groups 57 nations, most of which are Islamic, from the Middle East, Africa, Central Asia, Caucasus, Balkan, Southeast Asia, South Asia and South America. The official languages of the organization are Arabic, English and French.
The Organisation of the Islamic Conference (OIC) is an international organization with a permanent delegation to the United Nations. It groups 57 nations, most of which are Islamic, from the Middle East, Africa, Central Asia, Caucasus, Balkan, Southeast Asia, South Asia and South America. The official languages of the organization are Arabic, English and French.
Miss_Piggy
Member
Washington D.C. Episcopal Bishop declares Bush a saint
President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church outside Washington as part of his campaign to restore his pathetic poll standings. His image handler made a visit to the Bishop and said, 'We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the president's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, hurricane Katrina, and the Veterans Administration. We'll make a $100,000 contribution to your church if during your sermon you will say that the President is a saint.'
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, 'The Church is desperate for funding - I'll do it.' Bush showed up for the sermon, and the Bishop began:
"I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President who is a liar, a cheat, and a
low-intelligence numb-nuts who can't put a compound sentence together. He bugged out of combat service during the Vietnam war and went AWOL to avoid a drug test, then had all reports on the sordid event destroyed.
He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money,causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated country on earth. It is a three-trillion dollar folly.
He appointed fund-raiser cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction due to government paralysis after Hurricane Katrina. He awarded no-bid cost-plus contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty in this country and a greater gap between rich and poor than we've had since the Depression.
He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome. The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 trillion Dollars. Oil rose from $18 to over $100 per barrel, leading to transportation costs which the people of America cannot afford, with low minimum wages, part time jobs, no health insurance, and outsourcing.
Vital research into global warming and stem cells is stifled because he's afraid to lose votes from religious kooks.
He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known, but compared to Dick Cheney...George W. Bush is a saint."
President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church outside Washington as part of his campaign to restore his pathetic poll standings. His image handler made a visit to the Bishop and said, 'We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the president's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, hurricane Katrina, and the Veterans Administration. We'll make a $100,000 contribution to your church if during your sermon you will say that the President is a saint.'
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, 'The Church is desperate for funding - I'll do it.' Bush showed up for the sermon, and the Bishop began:
"I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President who is a liar, a cheat, and a
low-intelligence numb-nuts who can't put a compound sentence together. He bugged out of combat service during the Vietnam war and went AWOL to avoid a drug test, then had all reports on the sordid event destroyed.
He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money,causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated country on earth. It is a three-trillion dollar folly.
He appointed fund-raiser cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction due to government paralysis after Hurricane Katrina. He awarded no-bid cost-plus contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty in this country and a greater gap between rich and poor than we've had since the Depression.
He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome. The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 trillion Dollars. Oil rose from $18 to over $100 per barrel, leading to transportation costs which the people of America cannot afford, with low minimum wages, part time jobs, no health insurance, and outsourcing.
Vital research into global warming and stem cells is stifled because he's afraid to lose votes from religious kooks.
He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known, but compared to Dick Cheney...George W. Bush is a saint."
Silverbird
Well-known member
Former President Bill Clinton was speaking at a fund raiser in the Last State in the Union to Have a Primary. He was secretly angry because Majority Leader Reid and Hillary were up to something in the Senate, and he had been called in at the last minute as a stand in, and he thought his tie was on crooked. Nevertheless, he persevered, “My wife will never, never surrender! She will never never accept the Vice….”
His Blackberry rang. It was Hillary. “Shut up, goat, or you’ll be sleeping on the couch again.”
He looked at his Blackberry, shook it, and whispered into the headpiece “Say again?”
Hillary answered, “Think. You have no idea of the new powers of the Vice Presidency. W put Cheney in charge of everything.”
Bill Clinton blinked, and said to the Press, “Er, that was Hillary, she just told me to shut up. That’s all for today, gotta go.” The press hollered their questions, but Bill Clinton smiled vacantly, waved, and then hurried off.
At the next secret Star Chamber Cabinet meeting, President W was in a fine and feckle mood, “Wha hah hah, Hillary taking the Vice Presidency, haha.” Cheney did not smile back.
VP Cheney knew he was in trouble when Hillary Clinton appeared at the door of his Vice Presidential offices in the Senate. She smiled, too sweetly, “Ohh, floor to ceiling purple velvet curtains with gold trim will be perfect. I can see why you took this space back.” She continued to look around, with that smile on her face until VP Cheney scowled, “What do you want? I’m busy.”
“I want to try on your Darth Vader hat.”
VP Hillary Clinton, Ruler of the Secret Energy Policy Star Chamber, Presidential Party Whip of the Senate, power behind the Oval Office, sat in her High Seat in the Senate. Meanwhile, Second Gentleman William Clinton, Negotiator at Large, was reaching an “understanding” with Kim Jong Il, but the only one who understood the implications of the agreement was Bill. VP Clinton knew that it was good.
The Senate cringed as her cell phone rang. It was the Imperial Theme from Star Wars.
His Blackberry rang. It was Hillary. “Shut up, goat, or you’ll be sleeping on the couch again.”
He looked at his Blackberry, shook it, and whispered into the headpiece “Say again?”
Hillary answered, “Think. You have no idea of the new powers of the Vice Presidency. W put Cheney in charge of everything.”
Bill Clinton blinked, and said to the Press, “Er, that was Hillary, she just told me to shut up. That’s all for today, gotta go.” The press hollered their questions, but Bill Clinton smiled vacantly, waved, and then hurried off.
At the next secret Star Chamber Cabinet meeting, President W was in a fine and feckle mood, “Wha hah hah, Hillary taking the Vice Presidency, haha.” Cheney did not smile back.
VP Cheney knew he was in trouble when Hillary Clinton appeared at the door of his Vice Presidential offices in the Senate. She smiled, too sweetly, “Ohh, floor to ceiling purple velvet curtains with gold trim will be perfect. I can see why you took this space back.” She continued to look around, with that smile on her face until VP Cheney scowled, “What do you want? I’m busy.”
“I want to try on your Darth Vader hat.”
VP Hillary Clinton, Ruler of the Secret Energy Policy Star Chamber, Presidential Party Whip of the Senate, power behind the Oval Office, sat in her High Seat in the Senate. Meanwhile, Second Gentleman William Clinton, Negotiator at Large, was reaching an “understanding” with Kim Jong Il, but the only one who understood the implications of the agreement was Bill. VP Clinton knew that it was good.
The Senate cringed as her cell phone rang. It was the Imperial Theme from Star Wars.
